Stories of Ozark and Kieran
Were told to us every year
And the year has come for us
To speak the words of courage
With quiet hearts and keen ears
Gather around the faraway tree,
For we are here to know the story,
The ancient legend of our king, Zamora...
~*~
The new day and newborn
Ozark dragons dance, on a fine day gone
Celebrations bellowed with fiery spouts
Honored king, queen and prince with shouts...
With boulders rolling loudly down the slopes
blue shiny eggshells were discarded among old ropes
Zamora entered our world with his blue spout,
with red stares piercing him purple in and out...
Big dragons dressed in their best scales,
Snakes with sparkling fangs and never-ending tails
Were slithering down the aisle stunned by
the sight of the blue tiny king, not knowing how or why
Zamora, small and feeble, covered in blue,
Climbed up his mother's wide wing before she flew...
slowly embarrassed she caressed his being tight,
tears trickled down emerald eyes, blurring summer’s light...
~*~
Was he to rule Ozark, a dragon of that size?
Silence devoured the kingdom mortified by this prize;
He grew in age and he learned to fly,
Faster and faster, more time went by
Spitting fire, and dancing dreams, never more than a foot high.
Ashamed subjects approached the throne
Banishing the prince to be ever alone
Deep in a tiny blocked room
With one nurse and a broom...
~*~
Kieran dragons heard of him, and planned a war
Soon neighboring kingdom's fleet was not that far
with their devilish screams and red flames they flew in
in the dreaded moment Ozark invasion had to begin
Ozark was dying the suffering end of life
Zamora could only watch, and worried in strife
His rage tore him inward and he squeaked out his bellow
As he sobbed day and night till his red flames died yellow
~*~
His weak uncle, selfishly watched and silently slept
Why should only Zamora be saved, for all he did was wept?
Pushing out the boulder, he cunningly let Zamora free
With rage and empty spout the prince ran in a spree
With his life and thoughts and young age he pushed
And then the legend he created we now hushed
Over the towering brown cliff both of them fell -
Kings of Keiran and Ozark; whose legends we dragons tell.
Author notes
a story I could not resist adding.. lol.. rip it apart as usual.. anyway illustrations are getting done for this story.. lol..love sam
Written July 7th, 2006
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1 - 9 of 9
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First, this was written just for the fun of it. Bubbasameul happened to be a supportive poet who liked it. I really appreciate your efforts. I am not forcing this write upon you. thanks for being the only one who actually ripped it apart.
I never liked rhyming poetry. I just did this for "fun". Anyhow, I will read your column. I never praise my writing, but I do not undermine it too.. Thanks a lot. Sam.
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What the nominator thinks - mystical, magical and a fantasy beyond simple imagination. It just blows me away every time I read it. This is true imagination stretched beyond the boundaries of the creative box
Congratulations! This poem was nominated as one of the two best poems on this site for a favourites comp run by D P Robertson. You were nominated by bubbasamuel
What I thought - This is a good example of why you need a good vocabulary to rhyme as this poem suffers dreadfully from poor, basic and clichéd rhyming choices forced upon the writer due to limited word stock. The choices in some of these lines create a really predicable and sometimes even forced and plonky feel to the AABBCC poetry pattern that sometimes goes into triple rhyme. The story itself is not bad but the inability to find the right melodic patterns with many words phonetically clashing also adds to the task of reading this. The piece tends to drag. I would urge this reader to look at the works of Silica on this site and realise just how much work needs to be done and read him carefully for he carries all the good lessons required for you to lift your own poetry off the page. Also read my column on rhyming poetry and do the exercise I suggest for if you plan to scribe epic poems it is essential that all readers be absolutely captivated and this is not captivating.
David
PS This may help - allpoetry.com/Column/2242851
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An adventure! Awesome! How is your work with the children coming? Can I do something to help? Tell me and I will do it!
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Awesome Creativity
Sammmmmmmmmm...... Awesome imagination here.. Awesomely written.. beautiful flow.. I'm not gonna talk abt the rhyming coz I never try to rhyme in my poems! I'd have loved it if you had made the ending ( abt how his majesty, Zamora established himself as a legend..) a bit more elaborate.. Kinda felt incomplete there.. but then if you wanted to leave that part to our imagination.. well then fine! Perfect piece of work here... You're the best!
PS: You aren't pisd that I replied to Bubba's comment without even commenting on your poem...are you?
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Bubba... I have to talk to you first before I applaud Sam abt her poem.. You are so awesomely humble and where on earth did you learn to praise ppl like that? Your comment was as interesting as Sam's poem so here I'm typing you a reply instead of talking to Sam first! Or is it that you're so jealous of Sam that you are trying to bring her down by goading her with praises and making her head too heavy for her neck??? Kidding of course.. You rock, truly!
PS:My only purpose in life henceforth.. win a praise like that.for atleast one work of mine!
Edited on Jul 08, 2:22 p.m. because 'typo.. 'hea' instead of 'head'!'. -
I knnooow rhyming suxxxxxxx to the core.. thanks for reading it anyway...
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Okay the rhyming sucked.
But I liked the story a lot. It was interesting. I'm glad I read this.
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ok that's one whole load of praizzzin down the hall... ok i am not on drugs, a secret diet, and am not taught by aliens.. lol... you are not a dullard.. you are amazing.. and lets see tutoring that will be cooll.. jus kidding... your city nah.. should be soon... my signature is still not that high a value... lol... thanks a ton ..... salutes to you too... lotsa luv .. ok i am blabbering cos i really dunno what i got to say.. lets just say you made my day.. with lotsa luv.. sam
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Sam if i say this is brilliant i would be undersytating my praise for it. wow awesome your mind is unbelievably creative beyond my apprehension. how in the world could you come up with a story about dragons with so many believable images embedded in every sentence of it? i worship your mind. you are truly talented. this piece is eveidence of your unbelievable talent. i want to see this published. this is such an interesting fantasy poem that appeals across ages. and the very fact that you put it in poetry form with such beautiful rhyme, rhythym, flow and pace has left me in awe. hell, why didn t you put this in a fantasy poem contest? it's a sure winner.
ok 'q' time
where the hell did you learn to write like that girl?
where the hell did you get those grey cells from?
are you on some secret brain food diet that's been in your family for ages?
Are your teachers aliens from a far off planet that's so advanced that earthlings are still primitive?
Are you on drugs?
when can i get your autograph?
would you be visisting our city young starlet?
are you planning to tutor dullards such as myself?
phew...my fingers hurt.
your too good sam. jus too good. i salute you.
lotsa luv
bubba
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