She's tired, wearied
from eons of maternal
instinct
always bent
soothing brothers, cousins,
and fathers
of Arnon or Jabbok or any wadi.
They all talk too much
and now he babbles too,
Mississippi's baby
in millenium infancy.
Willow's long suffering
stoops silent
with her flowing
umbrella
ready to sweep away
frowns of currents
that trip over rocks
and gurgles from rips
of tides.
Over there
on a sunny bank
bluebells nod,
hyacinth wave approval
with aromatic accolades
to eternal motherliness,
gardenias and jasmine
stretch scents across his foaming froth
and slip through her fronds
to take her hand.
Author notes
Uh...always editing
Written July 5th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- # 35 Winklers who have never won a Winkling Trophy AS OF THE 4th JULY by Andantino.
500 points, ended August 28, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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This was a cross between biological and fantasy! Much sought after animation with verse as a backcloth, lovely write¬¬¬
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I feel a slightly mysterious tone to your poem. The imagery is outstanding, and if taken as a series of snapshots, each short stanza forms a different albeit related picture to contribute to the whole. So, what I am getting from your poem is that we are on a kind of nature hike (although hike seems too sporty for what I’m trying to convey). Maybe I should say nature adventure. I take this as an invitation to an imaginary walk in the low country, but only a walk that is in the mind. Beautiful stuff here. The flowers and burbling waters are so soothing. And, the ending is simply exquisite – for all of whatever the day brought, somehow she manages to slip her hand into his. Wonderful write! Best regards, Toni
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Dear SparrowsEye, I find communicating with nature to be a very soothing way to spend my day. You have given us some wonderful images of nature and the spiritual side of experiencing it. Thank you for entering it.
Winkie the genie in the bottle
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There is a serenity about this poem, a peaceful beauty of nature's harmony, if you will..tis beautifully painted by your hand with all its truly magnificent metaphors. An excellent entry to the contest. All my best, Belle
Edited on Aug 27, 1:26 p.m. because ''. -
Sparrow, this piece was nearly as good as the picture you used for inspiration. I think metaphorically you captured the feel of the picture, but this could also apply to life in general I think. good write image and visions
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There is something about water that always pulls me in and therefore this poems speaks to me; it murmurs like the river you write about. Wonderful metaphors and images throughout, Dee - a great write that soothes the soul!
~ Nicolette
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amazing
I like this. It flowed well and there was a calming sense to it. Unfortunately, I just woke up no less than 10 minutes ago, so I am going to bookmark this for a better review later. I really did enjoy this, so I will come back and applaud and all that fun stuff!
Much love, as always,
Bubbles -
My friends.
she liked to say it alot.
this really was a great poem. -
Thanks so much for reading. I love to bring inanimate objects to life.
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Thanks so much for reading. Where did you come up with your name "Puking Diamonds" that's interesting. I wish I could puke some diamonds then sell them. I'd finally have some money
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I love you vocabulary. You captured in essence every personification and metaphor you used to the best of its descriptive capability
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This is Excellent.
just great! -
Ah yes they're called creeks, but I had the name brook in mind. Either way they all babble Thanks for reading.
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nature in languid beauty
Wadi - I think we call them "creeks" in Australia. The metaphor of mother willow is very interesting. The babbling brook image is apt: "They all talk too much".
"Mississippi's baby
in millenium infancy."
The etiology of a river or its evolution - truly, a millennium and more! Good concepts. And what a beautiful fresh image of the willow droop is a " flowing umbrella". And this is simply just beautiful poetry:
"ready to sweep away
frowns of currents
that trip over rocks
and gurgles from rips
of tides."
The lovely gesture of the four river-side flowers waving accolades to the maternal willow is as pretty an imaginative picture as I would hope to see.
And all this, across his foaming froth. Oh dear - old man river indeed!
I loved it. ~ Lyndon of the Winklings. 
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Ah yes, water and willows are soothing. Some words are just poetic within themselves and willow is one of them. Thanks so much for reading.
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Water and willows.. a perfect combination.. we are all earth mothers sometimes.. as men as wimps lolol
but I love how this wends its way into our mind and eye, weaving slow as a willow should
a heavy scent here.. which i like alot -
Yep found one more thing I needed to change. Just as long as I don't rewrite the whole thing which, I'm guilty of doing quite a bit. Thanks sweetie!
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Who isn't.
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Thanks so much for the advice. I'm always in danger of being repetitive and rambling.
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I love willow trees. I love the name Willow. Had I had another daughter that could have been her name.
Very pretty and soothing -- like a mother. I must check out this contest, I love rivers.
Good luck to you though.
You could snip off "their trumpets" after bluebells -- since bluebells have trumpets and we know that -- also, I'm not sure if you need the "In her own way" to start -- do you? Since you do a beautiful job telling us later how she just goes on and about her tenderness .. you could just start with "She's tired..."
Just throwing out some ideas on this first read since you said you were still editing.
It's lovely ..
Lisa
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Thanks so much for stopping by and reading.
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I don't know why the end confused you, it all ties in. The flowers are watching the willow mother the brook, in a nut shell. I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
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I really really loved the beginning of this work, the description and double meaning, it's all really beautiful. I love nature personified and people metaphored to nature. Though I have to admit, I felt a little lost in the last three stanzas. I am not sure what it is about them that disrupted me so much, they just.. seemed like the thought changed, or like they were added later. The feel was different, if that makes sense.
jamie -
Amazing! It was really good.
Best of luck!!!!
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A nice piece dear friend.
Wish you luck in the contest.
Shahrzad
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dats good
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Thank YOU for reading and I love dark chocolate too! Yumm, yumm!
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Thanks so much for reading. I like your name what made you choose this name? A Bear Named Quaint, I love it.
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Oh wow! This is really beautiful! I like it! I think you did a most wonderous job taking nature and and bringing life into it. I always loved willow trees myself. And yes, I agree that they really do look sad or motherly. I really like how you made her mother to a river that was still immature. And that in her eternal soothing the flowers offer their support to her. The wording was really well done. I think you did an excellent job of expressing yourself here. So good luck in the contest and thanks for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you!
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A lot of vocabulary was exhibited here and it's very nice to see that. I really enjoy this praise you give to maternal figures. It is an excellent work.
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Thanks so much for reading I'm glad you enjoyed.
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Thanks for reading, the weeping willow is poetic all in itself.
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Beautiful poem, you really captured the picture. I love the style of your poem.
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I love the weeping willow, and i love this write! It is really amazing! Keep that pen flowing, my friend.
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Glad you made it in time.
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Thanks girl! You inspired this piece and for that I thank YOU
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Thanks so much for reading and the wonderful compliment.
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This...this is awesome. I like the reference to Jabberwoki.
This bringer of new life to add to the mighty Mississippi....is beautifully done. I love it. -
This is very deep and I love the whole idea of the poem. Really, really magnificent. Excellent job!
Keep writing,
AutumnButterfly
Edited on Jul 05, 2:34 p.m. because ''.
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