I'm going to ask, that if you clicked on this, please read it. Leave a comment, if only a line or two long, as long as it's heartfelt. This is a very important poem to me, so I want to know what others think about it.
Thanks, Veronica.
He doesn't fit in
Because we made that choice
He did nothing to you
Yet you sit back and laugh
You watch as he's harassed
He's tortured daily
His clothes are funny
The way he walks is funny
Even how he takes notes
It's all funny
You don't hate him
You just want to belong
What makes you so damn special?
He walks the same as you
He writes the same as you
He cries the same as you
Why aren't you in his shoes?
You don't want him to die
But you make him want to
As you laugh along with the crowd
Will you be laughing
When the lights rush past your window?
Red and blue flashes flood the street
An ambulance outside his house
A bloody body being carted into it
Do you think that's funny?
What about his parents' tears?
Or how about him stepping through the classroom door
A paper ball thrown at him
Along with a degrading name
You laugh
He pulls a gun out of his backpack
Bang Bang
Your classmate was just shot
Still laughing?
He shoots the teacher who everyday
Sat back and watched, sometimes even joined in
I bet you think that's just hilarious
He shoots others who taunted him routinely
Who will be the last comic standing?
Still funny?
It wasn't funny in the first place
Author notes
This is a powerful piece. I needed to write about this subject. I think the poem says alot, and not much is needed to be said here.
All critiques are welcome and will be reveiwed with consideration.
I want to thank every who has commented on this. Some of these comments have almost made me cry. Thank you, to everyone.
This is for option seven.
Written July 5th, 2006
A contest entry
- The Greatest Options Contest Ever! by neoladyem.
300 points, ended August 18, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 72 of 72
-
Scary background >_> I dislike guns. Probably because I had so many pulled on me by my family -.-; Anyhow, strong piece here. I like the flow of it and everything. Keep up the good work.
Love always,
Kristen ♥
PS. Enjoy the points
-
this poem is so real
sad how society is
even worse is that the young people today
who want to learn in school have to worry about getting killed or others around them
its a very sad world now
good poem and very deep
-
My friend was kicked out of school after he threatened to bring a gun to school and commit a 'colombine' as he said it. Though in the end, he was sent away he never really got over the teasing and taunting and so after writing me an e-mail (that I receieved a day later) he settled with just taking his own life instead. It kills me to think about what could have happend if he had been treated better. What could have happened it he hadn't been kicked out of school.
-
This is so sad and awful. No one really does realise the power of their horrible teasing untill something like this awful thing happens. I really hate it when people think this is their only option to slove their problems. But I also know what it's like to be teased so I know how you come to hate certian people and wish they would go away forever. Your poem really tells these things extremely well. You have a lot of talent. I hope to read more of your work. I gald you eneter this in my contest. Thank you!
-
This is really good and people can relate because if they weren't the one being made fun of at some point, then they were the ones making fun of some sad kid like the one you wrote about. Truthfully, kids Are cruel, and they tend to grow up into cruel adults unless they get off of their popularity pedestal. I know enough people that were like that who changed, and I know enough who never learned that there's more to life than popularity.
Anyways, I really liked these lines in particular:
Who will be the last comic standing?
Still funny?
It wasn't funny in the first place
Keep writing. -
Outstanding
This is the most incredible poem and if only people would think before taunting or laughing at somebody that isn't exactly like themselves. How dare any of us judge another, until we have walked in his shoes, or had to experience the pain and anguish that, that person has been through. I truly commend you for writing such a powerful, deep and heartfelt poem. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, and making more people aware of just how hurtful words or mocking can be to another person. Love you so much for penning this one. HUgs and blessings to you. Marilyn.
PS. Wrote a poem similar called "Do Not Judge", so you can see that I too feel strongly about this subject. -
I can't describe the pain this poem brings to life. You leave me sitting here stunned and sickened at the pain that is wrought on some teenagers. I hurt just thinking about it. So So good. Hope others who are perpetrators stop the cycle that causes this occurence to come about. RobinRae.
-
this is so powerful. something that no one should have to go through, but happens everyday. i love this poem. keep up the amazing work.
-
With all of the things that are going on in our world today... this is a powerful write. Adolescence is a difficult time to get through and if teens were taught to be more sensitive to one another, this world would be such a much more wonderful place.
Edited on Jul 09, 4:19 p.m. because ''. -
This is a great poem!I'm speechless. It's long and dramatic and...just...wow!
-
Thanks. I wasn't sure, when writing this, if I wanted to use many adjectives or not. I thought about it, and decided that if I can make it powerful without them, then I think the message would more more clear, and leave a better this-is-how-it-is impression.
-
Touching, really.
That was quite possibly....amazing. I'm still in awe...
Ok .
Wow! Very good. A very touching and emotive subject to write about. This is a very simple piece, with lack of adjectives, and I'm actually glad to be honest. Your words work so well, and it's so TRUE. People laugh, just one of them, until well the unthinkable happens. Well not so suprising these days, but let's not go into that .
Your last line - "It wasn't funny in the first place"
Very blunt, very correct.
I like, and am in agreement with your judgement, and your view on this moving subject.
A very well done to you, and applause.
God bless you Veronica, peace...Sadie
-
I love how in this poem of yours you are able to describe so much with so little wording. Amazing love poem. I am breathless with the strength of passion and yearning here. This writing is simply marvelous! I enjoyed this piece immensely. This poem really stirred the branches of my heart, made them quiver. This poem has a nice natural gentle flow. I definitely wasn't expecting all of the stuff between the first line and the ending statement. Your wording was excellent. I am glad I read it. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways. -
thats realy sad.kind of what happened at my school only he never shot anyone.a good subject to write about.maybe people wouldn't be so crule if they had read that.as for the boy at my school,he's now one of my best friends.thats how we met.People don't deserve to be picked on.
-
I think the topic you've chosen is sensitive, and therefore will be applauded; however, I think the poem itself is a little weak. I think it needs tweaking here and there, a few lines need tightening. The ideas you have are good but they don't sound poetic and the poem doesn't flow as well as it could do. At the moment it sounds a bit like a list, so I'd work on it a little, and I am sure you can make it into a poem of A* quality.
Regards,
Lime. -
nice
it's sad how many people just watch as people are humiliated. They don't understand the way it feels to be degraded, to become smaller and smaller in your own mind, until you think no one cares. It's a horrible process, and you explained it well. It isn't unlikely that it would drive someone to kill. Job well done. -
Excellent-poem,Indeed'
WOW! Restful Rain; This got right down,to the heart,of things,and is so true;most definitely 'speaks the truth"! Sad,but so true,the way things are today.I was glued to,this one,cause the world really is in a sad state,like this.The picture you chose,ws excellent too;I mean it;I really 'liked it! Sad,of course,but a wonderful-write,on Truth! 'God Bless'...Love,your friend,Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo.64133.............(Relates So Close To Home,With Me)(A Friend,Long Ago)......... -
DAmn good write if I do say so, definate reality check there. I love the way you relay the realism here. Nicely done.~Chris~
-
This is such a painful piece and it's heartwrenching to know that people do this daily to those who deserve as much of a chance as others around them without any further judgement. Never the less, you did an excellent job portraying a subject such as this. Seeing scenarios like this all over the world is, frankly, sickening. Why sit there and point a finger at someone who, you think are less than you? When, in return, it's really you who is the weak one. Ugh... things like this annoy me and upset me beyond words. I'll shut up now and stop my rant. lol.
You did a wonderful job pulling the reader into a subject as powerful as this. Never stop writing. Take care and be well.
†Nicole♥ -
the best
it is funny that u r asking for a comment. it will make anypoet say something about this irony.thank u very much for the good work -
Your comment was very blunt, but thanks for commenting anyways. Some schools are trying to raise awareness about this, but not enough are. Are some that are (such as mine) do it and it comes out as a joke. This is partly why I wrote this.
-
wow. this was deep. it's really a thought-provoker.
Thanks for sharing this poem.
-Jessica -
Frankly, this isn't the only poem I've read like this. I've read several of this sort. It wasn't a tear-jerker for me. I am still in school, and they give tons of seminars and stuff on this. It is good that you are addressing the people who aren't aware of the harm and such, but to me it's kindof old news. I'm sorry, but that is honestly what I thought of it. One thing I thought was kindof cool about it was that you took the pain through 3 different stages of what 'could' happen. it was pretty cool. so...that's what I thought when I read it. ~Kiwi
-
wow this was an awesome write thanks so muchf or sharing this was jsut great. ALot has already been said that is better than i can even say. Best of luck and wishes.
vsutton -
wow... i thought that was a spectacular write. you really captured the importance of this topic with your powerful words. because so many people are oblivious to the harm they inflict upon others with careless words. Great job!
-
Hero was the song that finally gave me the inspiration to write about this. I've always wanted to, but never really could.
-
Wow, excellent write. It's sad that people don't see how much it truly hurts to be picked on. It's even worse when they realize it, but don't care. They want to fit in. They want to feel better about themselves by degrading others. This poem reminds me of P.O.D.'s "Youth of the Nation" and Superchick's "Hero" Great job. Keep up the good work.
-
Well, that wasn't what I expected but none the less it's good. Made me stop to think about how I treated people and how people treated me. Powerful. Nicely done.
-
oh my god!!! this is sooo serious!!! but you definately make a point! i loved how you made a bad situation and turned it into something strong. like when you reinforce something. i will make sure to keep this one. keep writing! i hope to read more from you!
-
i know how this kid felt.
great poem.
people need to read it,
then maybe people would stop treating others so badly. -
This was great!I think it dealt with a lot of real problems that teens face and just how mean other teens are and you know that they will never think of putting themselves in the child's position and it will be damn good if he took a gun and killed all of them!But this poem is really strong and the way in which it is presented makes it even stronger.
*Amy* -
Gawd... do i not know what its like to be picked on.... although i'd never do a thing like that, this poem is powerful and basically about revenge. depressing but amazing. YOu summed it up good. Colimbine all over again (or however you spell it). Very good. this was raw and people needed to read it because bullying hurts, but it comes back to them times three.
-
Wow!Great poem.You filled it in with a lot of emotion and power, that's what made it such a good write.Best of luck
-
A great write. It captures the sentiment well, as well as your anger toward those who join in. It's a shame that this is so true in society today. But if just those who read this continue in being good, or change their ways, situations like this won't happen anymore. It makes you wonder why that's so hard.
-
I know how this kid feels. I will tell my friends about this one because it needs to be passed around. This can't keep going on. And a lot of kids end up not taking it out on their tormentors, but on themselves. This horrible treatment must cease. GREAT JOB! This brought back a lot of memories.
~X~Kandu -
omg this is really sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
Dreadfull....
....sad....I cant say anymore...
-
This was so sad..but it's a true poem, like..it can happen. It has happened. People just don't know when to stop harrassing people until it's too late. I love thisss.
-
wow i've been the one bullied n picked on things thrown at me had to cut my hair,but i never pulled a gun,god knows i may have wanted to see them get hurt but you did and awsome job writing this and i hope it makes bullies think of the pain they cause and one day they may be the ones laughed at
-
This was very thought provoking and makes all those people who laugh understand the negative impact they may have on a person. I've always been made fun of since elementary school,and have had people try to beat me up for no reason. But I always kept my head up,kinda quiet and out of the way ever since. I've also had a friend who was made fun of for her weight, and she was murdered my freshman year and people regretted all the mean things they said.Thank you for writing something so powerful and with an important message to us all
write on
~ -NeverMind- -
truthful and amazing
One of my friends actually almost brought a gun to school and possibly could have shot ppl b/c of taunting and everything that goes with it. He did want to die b/c they were taunting him. Today he actually is working in a mental asylum for people who have shot people. Heys 20 something. But I do through taunting and at some point you do feel as if you want to die. I like this poem because its truthful. You are a excellent writter. -
A touching and all too true piece, full of emotion, and thoughtfulness for people who are picked on and ridiculed on a normal basis. This happens in the real world too often, and hurts others more than we know. Beautiful write.
-
Have you seen the episode of Empire Falls where the quiet kid does exactly wat the kid did in your poem? I must say, even though Empire Falls must take about a week to shoot and who knows how much money, yours is much better because it's first person. I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT when ppl get picked on or are rejected in general. I liked it. good write!
Rock on,
Madison -
Reminds me of two songs one is by blaine larson"how do you get that lonely the other is Don't laugh at me I forget who sings it but both have the same theme to them. I am one of those the kids and teachers laughed at because I was "different" so I know how this feels. I didn't go as far as to shoot someone or myself although I have tried to commit suicide 2 times and would once again if not for my drs and my meds.
Lovely write and good luck with the contest -
Aww thats so sad..whats worse is its so very true...wonderful write..i'm kinda speechless..but ya very true
-
wow very shocking!!!!! That poem kind of made me cry!!!
ur a GREAT poet keep it up!! I will tell evree1 bout it. U wrote a great poem hope it opens ppls eyez!! I t makes me think really hard!! ~philli~
-
AMAZING!!!
This was a very heartfelt write. I found it to be beautiful and sad at the same time. This is a huge issue that needs to be addressed and i applaud you for trying to bring some light to the subject. As someone who was bullied (not to that point though) I appreciate that at least someone is trying to stand up for people like me. Thank you for writing this! Keep up the good work, and congrats on a WONDERFUL poem! -
This was absolutely brilliant. There is something seriously wrong with the contest you are in if you don't win. You should do well in this contest, if not- well you know what, who gives a flip about that stupid trophy, you wrote something great here. And there a ton of cowards who need to get a CLUE and hear your voice. This is amazing and I am so glad I just so happened to click on it.
-Tyler -
wow, this is a very powerful piece. It gets your point and examines a topic that many people would rather just ignore or laugh off. thank you for writing this and great job.
-
I really like your last idea. I'll try it out. See how it looks.
-
Compelling
Wow, this is a very strong write. I'm sure everyone has at some time or another just sat back or even joined in without thinking about what it does to the person. I hope this opens peoples' eyes to the pain they can cause and will make them think twice before they do it again. Now the poem. I think if you were to space it out a little more after the "still funny" lines you can add some dramatic effect. Maybe make the second "Still funny" in capitol letter with a ! at the end to emphasize it. Then the last line can be alligned with the left side of the page because it's the "stinger" so to say. This is just an idea. Take it or leave it, matters not to me. -
I loved this poem, because I could relate to it so much. I, myself have been bullied throughout the later years of primary school. I have also witnessed the gradual downfall of other victims. Thank you so much for writing this, and for opening other people's eyes to the torture that is abuse from peers, and the madness it can cause. I wish you the very best of luck in your life, and hell knows you're worth it.
Ù -
thats really depressin well not the poem just the fact that sometimes even though people dont make fun of someone their not doing ne good because they should really be trying to stop others from makeing fun of them. it really got me thinking (thats really hard to do by the way) i like it and it makes me want to do something about it
-yadira -
I'm really glad it touched you. But I'm sorry you can relate to it. I send a hug to eveyrone out there who has ever been bullied relentlessly.
-
AWESOMELY FANTABULOUS (...I'm making no sense
If you could see me, I would stand up right now and applaud like a fucking madwoman.
....had the subject been female, this could've easily been about me. This may sound stupid, but I don't fucking care: THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS. IT'S GOING IN MY FAVORITES BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST POEM I'VE EVER READ ON ALLPOETRY. IT HITS HOME LIKE...LIKE...OH JESUS NOW I SOUND LIKE A DAMN VALLEY-GIRL [doubles over laughing]
alright I SERIOUSLY need to shut up now, because I think you get my point (you'd have to have an IQ of 0 not to). Keep writing.
MORSMORDRE!
- The Dark Lady -
I really am trying to get people to read it. As many people as I can. I've been commenting like crazy to get points for promoting. I've also entered a few contests that should end soon, hoping that I can get points form those too.
-
stunning
AMAZING! Glad to know you are proud of this piece because you should be. I liked how you captured the view of the bully and the one being picked on. This is something the whole world should read! Hope you pass it on or have a lot of people read it. Thank you for sharing! Fantastic and stunning job. Please keep writing I look forward to your poems.
Bitter§weetest -
Great poem. Very shocking but the harsh and blunt manner in which you have written suits the message well. Bullying is a worldwide problem and though steps are taken to stop it, perhaps not enough. we can all think of people in our old schools who were bullied, perhaps we were just to afraid to help. Perhaps the bully didnt realise how much pain and hurt they were causing but either way this poem brings the issue to lght again reminding us, something still needs to be done. Well done on such a truly moving and well worded piece.
-
wow this was awsome like really awsome people are horrible this flowed really well it was very good you have a lot of talent and must keep writting.
xoxoDanielle -
Very Good
it's very good. more people need to be reminded that they are just like the people they tease. -
Thanks for your comment, will consider the extra stanza adding to see if i can come up with a decent adding to it.
Anyways to your poem now, which you said I should read, and I'd like to thank you because this poem is absolutly awesome! Great topic, and very true, although where i am i wouldn't think a student would come in with a gun! But still definitly heart felt and i really agree. After being bullied in primary/middle school i stood up for myself in my new school and made alot of friends who are more respective and protective over me, which to me is great because i feel really safe with them all, especially the lads, but then we have 2 murderers and 1 rapist roaming my town un-caught at the moment so its a bit panick stricken. Wow im moving off-topic. I feel sympathy throughout this and the poem was written short and snappy and really to the point. Definite bookmark! Great inspiration for a topic, glad you brought it up! ]
Keep penning!
Moi!
-
absolutly amazing, i am extreamly impressed. i have always stood up for the kids who have been tortured, i myself one of them. all thruought my middle school and high school years i was made fun of just because i lived in the country and went to school in the city where my dad was a teacher. i really can agree with this poem. it is so hard for kids who are just the same as everyone else to try so desperatly to fit in. therefore i reached out to others who were being made fun of, and i made some of the best friends of my life. I still talk to them to this day even tho they live on opposite ends of the world. thank you so much for sharing. God Bless You!
-
I really, I mean REALLY like this poem. It was powerful and actually made me angry and sad and as I followed the poem I was amazed at the way you so simply captured the emotions!
I love the way you said "What makes you so damn special?" and "Do you think that's funny?", it captures the anger magnificently. -
I like it because I have almost done a few things in these poems due to taunting classmates.
-
chillingly real
This gave me chills hun! Very deeply thought-provoking and a good wake up call as well...nice to know we aren't all just writing magazine fluff!
Thanks for sharing..
-
awesome
wow...that puts alot of things in a different persepective. its a huge slap in the face, however it makes the one that have been ridiculed feel like there is finally some justice for them. i love your poem, keep up the good work. -
Very good illustration of how someone could be driven to do something so horrible, the tone is what gives this its power, I was a little confused about this line:
He shoots others who taunted in routinely
was that supposed to be "him"? just wondering. -
Ah yes, 'still' should have been 'sit, thanks for catching that.
-
I'm afraid to say anything! How did I get here?...I'm kidding...very thought provoking! There's always one in the crowd that everyone seems to like to bully around... and at times they do get to the breaking point...and, you're right...it wasn't funny...at any time! I liked this a lot...Seems there was a word left out in the 4th line ..."sit"?, maybe?... Very good work! ...Bon Ton Ron
-
wow that is an amazing poem, it flowed very well. What you wrote is very true. Great poem, keep writing.
-
I think you should work with line breaks, but other than that its pretty good. I like the message of the poem. Its sad and at first I thought it was gonna be a columbine kind of poem.
-
I like what you have to say, it is powerful. Not enough people can say this, and it's sad how kids are not taught the value of acceptance. If the parents would teach the children to love each other for who they are and to be kind then half of our problems in society would disappear, of course, they would have more time to do those important things if everyone wasn't so money hungry, which is directly a result of the media and the ever evolving technology. But what do I know? Great write. Tink
Adding your comment:
1 - 72 of 72
49 old applause
