now I am as naked
as water
moist hours flow
through my eyes
it is winter in my hair
I am a pool
of smashed stars
a nameless word
on the black page of sadness
Author notes
I once picked a daisy, I once ran the field...
Written July 4th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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A good tribute to longing.
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I could not have thought of such images to describe the emotions behind this piece. It's just amazing Nicolette. In a moment or two before going out for a bit, I decided to pick a random piece to read from one of your collections. I'm so glad to have such images swim through my mind while I drive to my destination. Hopefully, it will bring my muse more to the surface by the time I get home.
- tremendous writing!
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You picked a sad "daisy", Kimmie! Thank you so much; I'm glad you stopped by and I'm looking forward to read your muse@
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" a pool of smashed stars" wow. shattered. broken.
the stark, bleakness of this piece challenges even my optomistic mood..manipulated by this time and place by carefully chosen words filled with so much insight, meaning and emotion.....and so beautifully articulated!
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"I am a pool
of smashed stars"
Ahhh. A smooth swig of poetic greatness to quench the reader's thirst. -
this is awsome... great work... good luck in my contest...
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Thank you, Lynn - I appreciate it very much ~
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Thank you, regret me - I appreciate the applause and the kind comment! ~
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Wow~
i love this poem~
the lines:
"I am a pool
of smashed stars"
is so rich in substance and is the perfect metaphor for tears
like none other i have ever read~
your words though sad; are so heartfelt it is a joy to read your poem~
lynn -
powerful!just tring to figure it out,the words you used and the picture seem like its about aging and not yet knowing the beauty of it,ill stop cause im prob wrong but like i said...awesome words!
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Jim, the thank you is on me - for all your support and the beauty of your comments.
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Nicolette,
in your writing there is a freedom, not I or many others have, or maybe can only wish to attain. You string language together in an entirely different way than most could have the ability to even think in. Your symbolism is great. I actually read this piece a couple of days ago when I was on vacation. I just now sat down to read it again and just dazzle in your talents. In many ways you have inspired me to stretch beyond my normal logical approach. Thank you. -
Hi Nicolette. Just checking out your poetry. Wanda told me you are awesome. I agree.
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I wish I could write short poems this well. The first two lines are so filled with bittersweet promise I half expected to be dissapointed with the rest. Not likely!
You really make the most of each syllable here. The mood is so well developed that it has visuals and texture, taste and the cloying moisture that lingers. I hope you have left this mood behind. Thanks for the clinic in short poetry.
Peace -
Thank you, dear Tamara...for the kind words...and the hope
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cry dear one for all the days long for it is only a matter of time now till your Prince reapears, I promise.
He was made just for you
this is touching and beautiful but soooo sad...
Tamara
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Thanks you, my friend, for the kind words. Take care ~
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This poem features such great visual imagery.....It captivates, slipping through the cracks in one's mind, slowly becoming a part of me......
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David, thank you very much. I see that you are in social work as well
Edited on Jul 07, 1:13 because ''. -
Wow. This definitely deserves a trophy... I truly hope you receive one.
Very sad indeed. Nice flow. Excellent wording.
'I am a pool
of smashed stars.'
That is one of the greatest similes I have ever heard in my life!
Thanks for sharing, and best of luck.
David.
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you once met a woman who would cry reading this write..
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Dear Leander, my other favourite Taurus...thank you, my friend...
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Wim, thank you, my friend for the warmth of your words... It means a lot to me
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Hmm... I must have missed this one
This is so beautiful, yet so much sadness flowing from this pool of smashed stars... As if your emotions freeze upon the eyes of the reader, send out by the graceful flow of 'wintered' hair... You've played an emotional string of my harp of life here and triggered a tear upon my eyelids...
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Outstanding!
My dear Nic...I am typing through tears, my friend. Simply breathtakingingly beatiful. It tugged so very hard at mt heart, as I could so relate to the kind of pain you portray here. The words you chose are perfection, and allow the reader to easily "feel" each and every one. Like hot pokers to the heart. So much emotion, and imagery in so few words. "...smashed stars...," "...moist hours flow throught my eyes...," these are my favs, girl. So very beautiful, despite the pain. |...reaching, once more, for the box of tissues....
). Nic, you are so very talented! Know that I love ya, dear one. I keep you in my heart, always. Much love and laughter to you, Sweet Lady! Brava! 
Edited on Jul 06, 8:29 because 'because 'I can't control that dislexic finger anymore!!!'.'. -
Nicely-written-Poem'
COOL-Nicolette! Small Poem,with Big-words',and a great wording,at that! Like it,mucho! 'God Bless'..Love,your friend,Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo.64133........ -
I didn't think it possible that your poetry would get better than the brillance before this.But this poem was so good and I hope you get many wonderful comments because it is beautiful and fragile.It has me go places I have forgotten about lately.another stunning write from you.
~Helen~
See I found time to visit tonight
This poem made it worth while.
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I wish I could cry with you to ease the pain. Everyone knows you can write away the pain but not the emptyness in your soul. How beautifull the emotions are expressed I wish I could reach the hand on your shoulder. But the love expressed by everyone hear may be a little comfort.
No need to say that the poem is a beauty in its own purpose.
Wim -
Well I think it is just brilliant...and feels so close to the days in life when we have been too many days in a row without hope...and most of us have been there...a great write
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Rohina, thank you dear for the compliments - take care ~
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Oh this was so beautiful Nicolette - the words were perfect and effective.
You write the most wonderful poetry - whatever the category may be and I am impressed as always
Rohina
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Thank you for the beauty of your words too, bokkie buoy. You know what it is that makes me beautiful... - love bg.
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Melanie, thank you for your heartfelt comment and the warmth of your presence on this page - it means so much to me.
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of course beautiful- the contest holder was right on track and you have pared this down to near perfection- (still not sure about moist hours flowing through your eyes)
stunning visuals.. so much with so little.
m -
This is just fabulous, it's so plath-like. Awsome metaphors. Nicolette, I love this piece. From the first line to the last is just marvelous. "I'm as naked as water" Oh! what a line! I'm humbled by this marvelous piece of writing.
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Nicolette,
First of all your title pulled me right on in... and I sank into the "pools" of words with the first line... now I am naked as water...That line says so much... rippled.. revealed.. and exposed as a helpless body of water... it sounds so vulnerable. Desperation, perhaps. The emotion in your words are always powerful... but this one is most of all heartfelt. I cannot help but to detect the sadness and longing in your past two writes///
The daisy.. ahhh.. my favorite flower... and trust me my sweet friend... there are thouhsands more daisies to be picked by you... I love this.
You are in my thoughts and prayers...
Melanie
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I understand this so well Nicolette...
as my heart is entrenched over seas and my body lives here..
there is something about water that makes it naked and as if everyone can see what lies inside us... I hear the waves and the air here
daisies are quite wonderful as are fireflies and ladybugs...
tis all beautiful
don't be sad girl.. I'm sure you'll fly back again, with a daisy chain round your wrist -
These words are beautiful because you don't know how to write any other way than beautiful...but my sweet friend, you are more beautiful than these words and are so much more than naked sadness. You deserve so much and I know you will find it. Love you.
~Lyrical
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naked is beautiful
water is beautiful
winter and stars
although beautiful too
are nothing compared to you
you are beautiful too
and so are these words
~ love bb -
accolades!
To be named means to be called into identity--how bereft, nameless and naked, arms clinging to bare-boned prayers, her gossamer pinions caught on fractured dreams! She makes me think of windhover3's broken-winged lunar moth. Your wraith is starkly beautiful, Nicolette.
Edited on Jul 05, 3:08 because ''. -
Those damn daisies! How could they do this to you? next time, pick a pocket
This was a great piece. I loved the allusions. Here's a clappy guy for you. -
oh daisies. short, precised, well versed and good thought. nice idea and good picturization
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OK, so I'm going to be the Big Bad Guy who doesn't write nice things - well, not quite.
I was drawn to this by the title, which is superb, though I fail to see a connection.
And the content?
Forget the bugger, and move on.
R
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What can I say? I love fairies and I loved this. Excellent write. Thanks for sharing. BTY I wouldn't change a word.
Katie
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John, thank you so much - unknowingly you made me smile!! ~
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Thank you, Vlindertjie...I know you hear and understand. Much love, dear woman
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you got my jaw dropping in wonder... its been quite a long while since i logged in to AP and i am glad to be able to read such an excellent poem at the very outset... so brief and so bursting with emotions.... i must agree with diana, this might be your best
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Wonderful write, even the way the title draws the reader in! naked as water is brilliant! I won't repeat all the things others said, other than this is a terrific piece! much love, and bb misses you too! (soliloquies of sadness) says it! John
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"a nameless word on the naked page of sadness" Sighhh...How magnificently sorrowful, my Sister of the Soul...such brilliant, eloquent portrayal of an aching Heart...I hear its every stuttered, whispered beat...Good luck in the contest, Dear Lady... Vlindertjie
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" I am a pool
of smashed stars"
I wish that was my line! This is so well done..sigh..shite.
Don't you have another contest you should be going too? LOL!!!
This is another wonderful write from you, Nicolette.
Brilliant.
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I've edited the poem a little, Jes... might work on it again, lol.
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Diana....yes, I can see that you loved this one . I think this is the longest comment and most wonderful comment I've received in years. You have such a fine eye, my friend...thank you so much. You have me smiling through the moist hours
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You've gotta be kidding OK, maybe not the best way of saying it. But since I always say I love your poems, what can I say about this one? I'm speechless. Well, not really, as you see. This is so short and deep... It speaks of a sadness beyond usual words... or even poetry... I had seen that image before and even thought it was wonderful.. this poem also goes beyond it. It kind of makes me feel something deep inside, like a thrill that just won't go away. Hard to explain. I must say the first two lines weren't that unique.. and they made the rest so much more powerful, like a reaction to those lines that weren't, and didn't need to be unique because in their mundane phrasing they were so painful.
"moist hours
invade my eyes"
That is one extremely creative way of describing the act of crying... So much more than tears... what's beyond the whole sadness, almost like a state of despair that becomes hours... and eternity.
Then all stanzas come like something bitter, so raw and sad that I could almost feel the pain physically (and, no, don't blame yourself for that ). Like I said, I love your poetry, but I think this is one of the best from you I've read so far. You are a talented poet so I didn't think you could surprise me anymore but you just have
as for the title... maybe it's due to the word restriction, but I absolutely love the way it seems to actually be the beginning of your poem. It's like it speaks of your happy past times... then those two first lines come as an ill-fated present, where there are no daisies and the one you expect is not coming, nor speaking... then the rest of the poem speaks of your seemingly infinite sadness and isolation.
Now sorry about the rambling here, but... hmm.. have I mentioned I really really loved this?
~Diana -
WOW...you were quikcly onto me!! I'm always editing... Will let you know - thanks ~
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I am a pool
of smashed stars
Those lines blew me away, in fact the whole second half did:
it is winter in my hair
I am a pool
of smashed stars
a nameless word
on the naked page of sadness
Those are fantastic. However:
you do not come
you do not speak
moist hours
invade my eyes
Those aren't bad lines, but not half as powerful as the second half at all. I think you should rewrite them. As the second half is brilliant.
Thansk a lot for this entry, if you do revise it, please let me know. Thanks
Jes
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