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sun baskers

peak summer
sun basking on beach
killer wave

Revision #1

peak summer
sun baskers on beach
killer wave

Revision #2

sun baskers
laze on summer shore
killer wave

Author notes


Written July 4th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • ukelova
    March 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    revision

    Hello there!

    Enjoyable and instructive to see originals and revisions of this haiku take place on your page. The final revision is awesome, man!!

    Have a gr8 day,
    BJ.


  • MaaiL
    August 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    GR8!

    OOO... reminded me of GOA! man.. those were the dayz!!


  • myron silver member
    July 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    sun baskers
    laze on summer shore
    killer wave

    a nice revision - well done.


  • myron silver member
    July 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    peak summer
    sun basking on beach
    killer wave

    Revision #1

    peak summer
    sun baskers on beach
    killer wave

    hi - thanks for entering this contest. you have picked a very difficult topic for a haiku. but that's good for a challenge.

    you have contravened rule # 3. your haiku reads like a list. two of your lines NEED to connect to each other without a pause or break in the syntax. can you fix that please?


    there is still 24 hours left for final revisions,
    myron.


  • Foxydaze14
    July 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is powerful. The tsunami was a very hard time. I like this haiku a lot. Keep up the great work and keep on writing!


  • wings of an angel
    July 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good write that you had penned here good luck in the contest


  • Samyuktha P.C.
    July 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Tsunami hits us big.. I remember that morning. Wonderful.. I live next to the beach. I remember every part of it... Will soon be writing something on that too...you are really good... love sam


  • azure85 gold member
    July 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Bubba, thank you so much for enetering ourcontest with you haiku. You havefollowed the WW technique in this haiku, descibing When/Where/What. Maybe you could tighten the meaning in line two a little:

    peak summer
    sun basking on beach
    killer wave

    peak summer
    sun bathers on beach
    killer waves


    or use sun baskers-whichever is your prefered word to describe them. I think this looks very nice, I wish you luck in the contest.

    Susie

  • Betty Rickard
    July 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Powerful...Three lines says so much..Excellent write.."Good luck in the contest."
    Blessings
    Betty

1 - 9 of 9