Leaking acid tears, choking on unsaid words
You left her mind decorated with death
׆×
On her arm clings the strawberry wounds laced in shame
On the floor lies the tainted, successful razor
׆×
Her mind is unsteady, her heart full of rage
But deep within her soul is nothing but sorrow
׆×
Her lips are stitched with unsaid, meaningless words
She looks in the mirror, disgusted she takes a swing at it
׆×
Crying as the pieces fall, reflecting this broken heart
How she wishes she could just shatter
׆×
Vermilion miseries drop steadily to the floor
Leaving a beautiful masterpiece on her torn canvas skin
׆×
The room reeks with self mutilation, sending her into a breakdown
She lies there, motionless, the last tears fall
׆×
Her aching soul is finally set free....
Author notes
Yeah, I know this sucks immensly. It needs loads of work, and the ending is weak. Just tell me what you think of it please!
Written July 3rd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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wow i really really like this..and i think you should leave it the way it is..because its great..but anyways great write i realy enjoyed reading it !!
-shattered to pieces- -
Lol no problem. Thanks for the wonderful comment it was greatly appreciated!
Isabel
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wow! this does NOT suck at all! it's just so beautifully dark and SO powerful. the imagery is stuning! amazing piece! thank you for the comment you made on my poem, so sorry it took so long to return the favor.
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sweeeeeet
hey Isabel, sweet poem...not as in like sugar sweet, the OTHER kind. hehe. well...you rock. really liked this poem. too tired to say much more. l8rz
\m/(^.-)\m/ <3 Tammy -
Far from sucking here! I thought it was good, the flow seemed a little awkward so I'm a little surprised there since you're so great with flow, but on the other hand the phrases were really amazing and the vocabulary was pretty impressive as well. AH *dies* yet another awesome write from you Isa
xJessie -
Interesting
I didn't think this sucked. As individual verses each is memorable. Maybe a few verses to link them together a little would be a good idea. But still it is a wonderful write. -
Hey thanks for the comment hun! And no problem, you're a cool sis
hehe, ttyl.
Isabel
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good
hey issabel! whats up?..bored here. thanx 4 putting me down as one of ur sisters!~~* hmm,..... this was actually really good. and i lyk the crosses...cool. i really lyk the title! good work... u got talent~~* -
Jesus, Isa! Awesome. But you forgot the 'f' in 'fall'. Awesome though. Great write. Keep it up!
~Cris -
Hey thanks for the comment! Yeah, I hope I have a good time too
. I'll tell my parents. Hope you feel better hun! Much love.
Isabel
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I like the line...."Leaking acid tears, choking on unsaid words" It really packs a punch to the whole poem. Nice write. Thank you parents for me. Have fun tomorrow
Me
PS-I don't know if I'll be talking to anyone on the phone, or anything like that so if you need me just call the cell. But it might be off. -
Hehe okay thanks, and no problem anytime!
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Thanks for the comment, and I'll be sure to tell you
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Awes-ow-some
I didn't think it sucked at all. I actually though it was really good.The ending was pretty good too although its not really going to be set free yet. I really loved this poem.When make any changes to it tell me because I would love to read it. -
Hey thanks for the comment! It was greatly appreciated!
Isabel
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Not a bad write. I liked the line:
"On her arm clings the strawberry wounds laced in shame"
Interesting. The strawberry almost seemed to symbolize the blood from the wounds in this line. If you re-write this piece I would say definetely leave the strawberry wounds line in.
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
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