thunderstorm outside
awakens sleeping child
mother opens door
Author notes
Written July 3rd, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- peace by maa.
333 points, ended July 9, 2006, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I just love thunderstorms, so this caught my eye.
I have so many fond memories of watching thunderstorms from inside our garage when I was little. My dad used to let my brothers and I sit out there, and try to figure out how far away they were. My wife and 7 year old daughter are scared of them, but my son and I love them. Beautifully written!
Don
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happily read
Susie (I see you haven't started Susie-Ku, why not use child based ones if your name is retaining a nickname from then like my sister had but didn't continue --),
"thunderstorm outside" is such an explaining reference on what seems self-explanatory but to the inexperienced, quite possibly.
That first spacial statement even evokes the emphasis that it stays exterior optimistically. Special.
The second line is double fold with startle. As ear might have been been disturbed at what "awakens" the young from bed or furniture since you don't give time of day, but eye might not have been finished enoush with even nap in order to have flashes of light on top of alarming sound!
That verse also implies some soundness of rest that likely took place, and the commotion that came upon it.
However, do you think "awakens sleeping" is a little redundant? Would you mind exploring slumbering situations : 'awakens play clothes child" if went down during rain, or 'awakens PJ's child' for night instance. I'm sure there are other cases to consider, if you find the need.
The aha is marvelous. It lends so much for scenario. One I immediately think of is the mother getting up to comfort, and to such an extent to show rhe shaking source somewhat. Destressing the drive feel maybe. Yet dark may be uncomfortable, so afternoon or early evening details are thought of.
The resonance is perhaps there would be impact from watching it end, at a safe distance until...
This is so cozy, Susie. You'll count some points from me with an added note!
Thanks for your help with my longer poem which got more than a few commas I believe!
~Carolyn -
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Thank you for your suggestions for L2, and you are correct about the redundancy. It is one for me to think out possible alterantives. But the comfort of the mother is one we all remember, and have shown our own children. I still do for my husband, who is now like a child in mind and he does not like thunderstorms. I always have to remember to be close in the next room on those evenings I am typing away here, while he sleeps and the storm is starting. A nice warm spring day, and afternoon nap in the hammock under the budding trees would be so much nicer!
But there is snow today! LOL
Easter eggs hidden in the snow!
Basket
of colored eggs,
the golden one hidden
under snow covered daffodil~
waiting.
Susie
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bounteous
Susie (you're watching for sunshiny still too?),
great paragraph response even expounding upon extra tenderness we need to pace for everybody a bit.
In your other half, I see you have some calendar nudged celebration too. I've stepped away from that mentioned one as what's become steeped as isn't for me. Since I've learned to expunge this base happiness for a supposed three days earlier commanded ceremony to be careful over. at first full moon after spring equinox satisfying sacrifice was for regard, but I need to be gathered to more than it!
1:40 cheerfully joined by you again,
Carolyn
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it is super interesting that the title is peace when the first word is thunderstorm. and the child is disturbed, and the mother is caused to open a door. perhaps it is the peace that the mother brings.
i like it and i havent seen a haiku in a LONG while
its an interesting choice of poetry type
its like it forces you to chose only the most important ideas to convey. or perhaps the choices were made subconsciously and the words were written as a pure and simple translation of your minds interpretation. whatever the case may be; its pure and simple good work
--rin -
Thank you maa for your lovely comments. I thought of this last night, while the thunderstorms were raging, and how comforting it was to know my mother was always there for us when Iwas a child. I think your interpretation is so true, the through the storms of our life, and the peace that we can find within, is where we need to go during these times.
Thank you for a contest on such a beautiful topic, Peace.
Susie -
dear azure,
thank you so much for this refreshing haiku on peace.
indeed, not only that this is a masterful haiku concerning vivid and inspiring images, but also, a whole story is told in only a few words, in only a couple of syllables.
this image of the mother opening the door in the third line, is itself THE image of peace, so to say ...
what would be more reassuring than a mother consoling an anxious child ?
also, symbolically, I understand through your poem, that our lives are somehow like this haiku: thunderstorms of agitation, angry interactions and difficult relations outside, in our daily life-situation ... we who would like to be peaceful and blissful, get shattered and shocked by the events ... until our mother, our consciousness, reminds us that all is well, nothing has really happened and we must not forget our peaceful nature ...
well, I don't know if I went too far with my interpretation, but this is what came to me when reading it.
a great poem of peace, really.
maa
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