You are the polluted air
that plagues us to this very day.
Hurting me but it's the only air
so I'll take it anyway.
Like an extortion scheme
that takes us for all we have.
You kill me so you can save me;
a tear for every laugh.
You show me the good in you
but I'll never see your best.
You pull me close and look away.
You're just like all the rest.
You were all I wanted
but we've lost all our bliss.
I want to let you go but I'm
afraid that you're all there is.
You make me feel worthless
with all of your abuse.
But it's the only thing that
makes me think I have some use.
It was two days ago that
you had said this to me:
"I need something more;
something you'll never be."
And so I think to myself:
What was this all for?
You make me feel empty.
You make me feel like a whore.
I gave you all of me
just so you could get your kicks.
You gave me shit to eat
but you were my only fix.
And now it's come to this;
there's no other way out.
Haven't you realized
what this notes about?
Now I'll lay here;
just smiling with my wrist.
Thinking of our good times;
of the last time we kissed.
But my veins are going dry:
I haven't much time to go.
Did that kiss mean anything?
I guess I'll never know.
I hope you miss me and
you scream til you cant breathe!
I hope you cry tonight!
It's the only night you'll notice me!
Did you treat all the other guys
just like you treated me?
I hope that the real you
isn't something they're too late to see.
Oh no, well, here I go.
Almost done slipping away.
When you read this,
I wonder what you'll say.
Will you be able to
say anything at all?
I hope you turn white
and, to your knees, you fall.
That you're too scared to cry
and much too scared to yell.
But this isn't the last we'll meet
for I'm sure I'll see you in hell.
Author notes
Written July 1st, 2006
A contest entry
- Suicide Note by newnoakua.
700 points, ended August 6, 2008, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Golden Age of Grotesque by Poetic Obscenity.
1500 points, ended August 8, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just make it amazing! by X.brokenlover.X.
977 points, ended November 18, 305 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Amazing.
Really, This was an amazing piece that kept me intrigued the whole way through. It's not exactly what i'm looking for though for this contest. Where's the outlandish vocabulary you don't hear everyday? The metaphor?
Manson often writes in the most enthralling way. He can say one sentence and yet mean fifty different things at once. That's what i'm looking for.
Although, I do very much enjoy this write..Having just gone through a break up much the same. So, I have to give you credit for that. My heart was beating faster and harder each second I continued to read.
You've got skill, there's no doubt about that. Though, I don't feel this poem itself was meant for this contest.
Good luck, and Thank you. -
This is a brilliant write
Wow...
Im just speechless
Amazing job
Much love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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wow great poem..takes my breath away =o
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Wow... so dark and deep. Anger, depression, hopelessness, sorrow, everything! It's just great! I loved it!
Epic and saddening! ... amazing!
Wonderful job and good luck in the contest! -
wow tom.. .this poem is amazing.. the whole suicide note in a poem.. so beautiful i love it.. beautiful gorgeous.. so pretty.. i really really liked it
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Powerful Poem
Such vivid anger, sorrow and helplessness all swirling around together. I don't think anyone is worth dying over, but that's just me
! Wanting to die just because you hope they'll be sorry sounds like a risky venture
"Does that kiss mean anything? I guess I'll never know." There's powerful emotion it this poem, and a very good question. I hope pouring your heart out like this helps you pick up and move on 
. Best wishes, Poet, in live and in love.
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Wow what a sad and very depressing write. So full of emotion and sadness and despair. I could feel your pain, I felt as if I was going through it with you each step of the way. A very vivid poem, you painted a picture so perfectly. Just an excellent write
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dark and deep and flowy......I LOVE IT! -MKN
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lovely job tom. very dark sad and depressing.
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amazing
Wow. Tom, this is amazing. Its so straigh forward, right in your face anger. I can feel the pain coming out from every word. You wrote this really well and you did great with the rhyming.
-Cass -
dude! this is amazing! i love how it's kind of like a suicide note in poetic form.
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This had a great flow indeed!!! The anger, the sorrow...wow. I really connected with this one, because I know what its like to be in a relationship that is deceptive and abusive, and still be completely engulfed in your abuser. Your writing is so vivid, I felt like I was living the moment with you watching every tear fall, wanting to console you.
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this was absolutely fantastic
and it hurt as well...probably because i could pretty much relate to this
so well done for being able to write a piece that can do that!!!
anyway basically, content was a common one. but the way it was expressed was different, and i liked it
usually not a fan of rhyming, but i did find this better than crap like
"look at me
it's easy to see"
or blah blah blah
to summarise?
excellent write. -
this takes you to a place, the flow carries you really lets the mind wonder when you read it. Excellent work
I am pretty new to AP so please check out some of my poetry, I would love to hear your opinion on my work.
Love
- Last Sanctus
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damn tom that is good very very good the flow is good the wording is good it is very dark but it is very very good
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what a great write, but so gloomy i pray these are just words not facts very well written
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oh my heavens. woa! i am not one for woaaa!! this was my goodness like i was sitting there seeing this and my breathing came to a halt for I reached out to you and you kept falling further and further away. Wanting to yel" this is not the way, please stay around, there is someone who can love you for you, please...." well heck i felt like i was right there. the feelings of helplessnesss sorrow, pain....powerful. thanks for writing , i do not belive in suicide but do think you did a wonderful piece, very descriptive. kept the reader following with vivid details.
im in awe, thanks again
blessings
Vsutton -
this takes you to a place, the flow carries you
gorgeous -
This kept me totally entralled with the writing. This is a great piece..I loved the flow... The situation is very sad though.
Soulful Woman
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