When I was small she cared for me,
Now, I am tall she counts on me.
We both cried,
when daddy died.
She was tough, she gave a fight,
Through the rough, she could see the light.
No scary dreams ever haunted me,
She was always there when I wanted thee.
Worked in rain, swept the lanes,
Cleaned the drains,took all the pains.
Saved each & every penny,
To fill our empty tummy.
Always taught us what was right,
Distinguish between the black & white.
Gave us the hope, to emerge from misery,
Showed the ray of hope, to reach the glory.
She led us through-steady & humble,
Her determination infinite-how could we stumble .
Author notes
this 1 ws actually fr contest but i ws late on it.....
Written January 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Turning Disabilities into Strengths by Brandy3.
550 points, ended January 2, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nursery Poem Rhymed for my expected: Loralye Rose Marie by Reniari.
450 points, ended February 10, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This has a lovely sentiment, but the smoothness and meaning has been sacrified in order to rhyme, and it's damaged the poem badly. One word that really got me 'thee'? Not only are you not Shakespeare, or even Edwardian, but you used it wrongly.
Thee means 'you'...
'she was always there when I wanted YOU'?,
it doesn't make sense. This needs work, maybe you should try doing it in freeverse because the rhyme here is damaging the meaning quite badly.
Thank you for entering. -
this is a tid bit mature for a small child....it was meant to be for my newborn...my expected, but it is a good poem, maybe better if placed in a different contest
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Beautiful Tribute
This is a beautiful poem written for a determined and caring mother. The poem is written well and is full of strength, how ever this depicts more of a hardship than a disability. Unfortunatel this is not what we were looking for in this contest. Thank you for entering.
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Your poem shows deeply the bond between the parent and child,but I dont see what the disability is in it,or is it just me?Your words flow great full of emotion keep writting. Brandy3
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