It looks as if these dark doors
Around the chamber of the room
Around the chamber of my heart
Have closed their final curtains
This is the last lullaby
The last broken melody
Sung by some broken voice or lark
Some nightingale’s dirge and plea
It must be better to drink the dregs
Of the bitter cup
Than to hope for bright tomorrows
For all this life is a trodden sorrow
Between the vines of swing sets
Thrown from trees into darkness
As if leapt from the swamp of obscurity
O, to live the life of the truly melancholy
The cleaner air is dampened with despair
Of tears, of sweat…fears, hopes and imaginations
All the procrastinations of a dreamer
In a static state of depression
Put your life on hold
Close the curtains
Lock the chamber door
Peer into the tea leaves of your cup
Spill the cooling warm liquid on the walls
Drawing faces with the soiled fingers
Marking your last dna prints into the paint
The dirges and the bitter dregs
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Sorrow never was your favorite
But it seems to be all that anyone can trust...
Author notes
Written July 1st, 2006
A contest entry
- I Want Darkness... by LonesomeAngel.
300 points, ended July 3, 2006, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Congratulations on winning the coveted golden goblet with this fine piece of poetry. You certainly deserved it and more. This is how dark poetry should be written, for all you aspiring dark poets out there- hint, hint.
Just a terrific read.
David Michaels
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Very Good
This is a great piece of poetry right here. There was a couple of times where some stanza's rhymed. I wasn't sure if this was inconspicuous or intentional... I'm curious because I always follow that whole rhyming scheme deal. Nonetheless, it's a very good piece. Not that it wasn't already noticable with the gold trophy award you earned for this piece. This is very good though and keep up the great writing... I love the visuals in this so much as well... Remarkable. Nicely done
Alex
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RAW BABY and i like that,, seens iv had a crap week a can say this lifted me up.. but i feel this poem so much i could cry,,my chamber door is closed,, but may be thats where i need to say for now,, tiiimmmmmeeeee to get over things,, and i must say these has put me in a writing mood,, this was a great poem from you,, make me want to wright a good one i hope,,about how im feeling,,""It looks as if these dark doors
Around the chamber of the room
Around the chamber of my heart
Have closed their final curtains"" the start of these got me,, dark and deep,, i know a new day is coming,, -
standing ovation
wow this is amazing no wonder you won the gold i bow before excellence, bravo bravo -
I agree. Dark seems to be the same thing lately, but this was beautiful in a sad way. I love reading your work and you know what a fan I am of your imagery. I always associate tealeaves with bad fortune for some reason and I loved the theme you carried out.
Also the "ashes to ashes/dust to dust" line fit just perfectly. It's amazing that you could make something so dark as the thought of death and despair beautiful. -
wow this is an amazing write! I love the metaphors that you have incorporated into the piece. It is a really insightful piece with so much depth and substance! awesome work, keep on penning. Thank you for entering and all the best of luck.
night owl -
Very introspective, don't know where you pulled it from exactly, but it's a really telling story of desparities, that many might not ever have known had you an individual light indeed shone it's way onto this site, I am so glad passion still is the lifeblood in your poetry, so many when asked for a dark poem enter some well, you know the kind of things they enter. You a thinking woman have gone ahead and used powerful images, real feelings, and painted a beautifully sad image with them all. I especially enjoy your deployment of the throw your hot liquids on the walls and stamp your fingers into the paint, as some reminence of you that had it not been done, a trace would never have been found, which is equivalently sad to the rest of the poem, that one idea could easily be expanded, this is what a talented writer can do I suppose, take these great ideas, jam them together and make a poetic 'sammich' I would eat LOL. Nice going Malina, I hope the contest you entered this for sees what I had.
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