becalmed wind
and a sun unseen through fog
a pewter day~
Author notes
I revised this one hope it fits the rules now
Written June 30th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- How to Haiku by azure85.
300 points, ended July 9, 2006, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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OOOh almost a perfect haiku ( no punctutation I think is only real thing I see) and vey well done one at that. Good imagery that is very much in keeping with show-not-tell concept of haiku's! Well done poet!
Here again, though I mst ask about the list you put it in... horror? ah well, they are your lists, but I thought it was funny seeing that hehe.
Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e * 
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN HOODWINKED
; Courtesy of the Poetic Bandits
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very nice
very well written fits pic well good job -
I felt like I was at the beach with this wonderful write. So full of wonderful imagery. Wow is all I can say just amazing
You have just been Hood-Winked
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You made me smell the sea air with this picture and this haiku. Excellent!
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Well done
Hi Susan and wowee, awesome words here and so well chosen. Thanks also for your comments on Tangerine Scented Dreams. I too wish I could visit such an magical place. Love, hugs and smiles. Marilyn -
Sweeeet Words
Very nice work Susan!
I feel the cold around me, maybe it's this rainy on my computer day. lol I fail to catch haikus often but you did quite well.
I wish you the best and I hope things get better for you. Take care and keep writing.
Tommy -
this is absolutely stunning. you make me feel the wind with your words. i love it.
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love that last line sis,
"a pewter day"
perfect choice of words
and now my day is complete
because i got to read your poetry!
love you,
~liz -
becalmed wind
sun unseen through fog
a pewter day
thanks for making the effort to revise this, even through your current pain. in appreciate it. you are suffering for your art, lol.
two of the lines of a haiku should join together, perhaps sosmewhat like this:
becalmed wind
and a sun unseen through fog
a pewter day
all the very best,
myron.
Edited on Jul 01, 10:19 p.m. because ''. -
excellent
very good so few words i do not know how you do it sis hopw you are feeling better glad to hear from you. i can not write a haiku i am just too wordy have not learn how to pair down my words you do a great job of it take care sending my love keep up the great work hope to hear more from you love ya -
A very nice piece dear auntie.
Wish you luck in the contest.
Shahrzad
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very pretty, well worded for the picture, thank you for sharing and good luck..Linda
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thats really good
i cant write a haiku for the life of me buti like reading them lol love ya
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very well written
I love this Susan. The fog over the ocean, and the day being pewter is just lovely.
Ethereal Melody
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we sure had plenty of pewter days last winter Excellent haiku
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You did an excellent job here! I never could write this type of poetry. Your background and picture goes perfect with the piece. Good luck in the contest!
TD -
I love the picture. I agree this is beautiful, somber, and sweet. I love it.
~Amanda~
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Awwwww, I'll send you some sun, Susan. Got more than I know what to do with.
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My day has been gray as well my sister. Simply tired from the week. I would just listen to myron's advice and work on the haiku. They are not as easy as they appear to be. This is beautiful. It is somber and sweet. Keep it and improve as they ask. Great job, don't be so hard on yourself. I wish youthe best in this challenge dear sis.
All My LOVE ♥
Renee
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No, don't delete it. : % It will improve just like mine.
Love ya
Jeannette -
no Susan don't delete it. why not just revise it a little?
myron. -
'Tis perfectly fine and wonderful
Oh, please do not delete this wonderful haiku! You can enter it in another contest, for it is pleasing me so much! I shall run a contest for whatever haiku this is and you can enter it in my contest. Seriously. I am leaving tomorrow on a week's vacation, but when I get back....I do plan to do a contest of some sort. You IM me, okay? 
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Thanks Jeneatte Rose and Myron
Pewter describes the greyness in the sky
Wow....I broke a rule should I delete this one also
Hugs
Susan~ -
Listless wind becalmed,
Sleepy sun hiding in fog,
'Tis a pewter day~
ah, this is a much better subject for haiku. thanks for entering it.
i'm not sure what your last line means, as i don't know what a pewter day is. however, i feel that it's a statement rather than an image. we only want images in this contest, so if you get time, would you mind revising this haiku?
also haiku do not use personification. you have broken this rule:
5- you must not use any poetic techniques, such as rhyme, metaphor, simile or personification
however you just need to get rid of your adjectives "listless' & 'sleepy' to conform to this rule.
remember that modern haiku do not need 17 syllables.
i look forward to your response,
myron.
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very well writen
I love the picture Susan. Your words show the greyness of the day very well. Pewter is a great word.
Best of luck in the contest.
Ethereal Melody
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