Dear whomever,
For so long I have lived my life as if I was worth nothing.
Specks of dust that fall from the sky, which have been lost to civilisation, seemed more precious to the earth than I was.
I lived as if I was going to have to suffer in silence, suffer alone.
As my tears paved the path of sorrow I had come to realise that I was going to have to walk this route on my own. Along this path I would meet many trials and brambles would stop me from seeing. They would cut at me and scratch me as I tried to search for some meaning, some reason to my life. Each time they wore away at my soul and left me as nothing on the floor. And each time I waited for someone to come and pick me up and help me onto my feet, but no one came to my rescue, no one showed me any love.
Now along this path people would try to get me down and as much as I tried to ignore their sharp remarks and painful blows, they bore away at my heart and made my soul grow weak – this is the weakness you see in me today.
This is the foundation for my insecurity. I felt unloved and unwanted by everyone I touched even though I had a loving family and loving friends – but I was in need of more. Years and years I searched for something bigger, something greater and I turned to God. I realised he was there for me and he would look after me. I found my greatest comfort in him and he showed me how to love again.
You say I am insecure and weak? Well it is other people that have made me like this. Through years of rejection and being left in the lurch, my heart has been kept behind a wall so that no one can harm me and I can’t harm them.
This is where Jesus comes in - he knocked down that wall and from then on he helped me to build up another wall. This time, not one around my heart but one around my soul. He led me to believe that no one could hurt me as long as I was strong and he would protect me all my life long.
My insecurity comes from no one being permanent. People have come and gone in my life and each of these people I have relied on and loved. I gave them my heart only to be stripped of that love and left broken on the floor.
Where you see me being scared and frightened, you are seeing the hole that has been carved in my heart. So every danger I face and every time things start to get rocky, they are blown into major dilemmas and I don’t see things properly. And I turn to God to be there for me and to tell me he won’t ever leave me because I need the reassurance – without that I feel like I don’t belong and that I might be left again.
I’m asking for You to be with me.
I’m pleading for You to stand by me.
I’m begging for You to love me.
When I am weak, I’m needing You to be my strong tower and support.
If this tower collapses, I rest in knowing that You are still standing strong in your heart.
And I can place my heart into Your hands knowing that You will cradle and protect me from the up and down storms of everyday life.
Author notes
Thanks to God - he pulled me through
Written June 30th, 2006
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very heartfelt and moving write!
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Heartfelt and sincere!! Moving!
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Amazing... it rele is.... i just wish u could still do this!!!
You know what... this is exactly how i am feeling atm!! I know u wont read it or any1 else so i just wanted 2 say that everything u have mentioned i feel... the only difference now is that i no longer have any1 else to turn to when i need help now. It's rele weird lking bk at other comments n other poems u wrote n now im sitting here thinking how much it has changed. It's been less than a year since u posted this n now lk at me n u!! I just hope one day u n i find the right person cos for some reason when ever i am around u i always seem 2 get myself down... weird i know!! anyway i just wanted 2 say i rele miss the way it was bt i know now that it will never b the same n no matter wat we will end up further n further apart!! sucks i know...
Anyway i guess i'll c u around...
x
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awwww han this is sooo beautiful!!! i can see how much you love matt, and im sure he will always stand by you. you have nothing to fear aslong as hes there, and you know that you'll always have love from your friends, i know somtimes your friends arnt enough to provide the love you need, that is what matts for, and indeed i know how u feel, i feel the same about scott, he is there for me, and i appreciate all you guys too, but like you say sometimes a friends love is not the love you need. this was a powerful poem, i hope you continue writing, sorry if i dont post comments, but do know i still read your work, and i do enjoy it all
take care, n i hope your still my friend anyway..
kez xxxxx -
thank you for the kind comment god bless you too, take care
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Paint this Town Red,
First of all I'd like to take the time to thank you for entering my contest. And to appologize for taking so long in judging it.
I like this poem. I can relate well to it. Especially the part where you say you found trust in the Lord and found comofort in him. And the part where you talk about your insecurity. That's got me written all over it. I guess people don't really pay attention to how much they can damage a person. They really should though. A good poem is a poem you can relate to. And one that has woven emotions throughout. And I can tell you that you've got that bagged and ready to go in this peice! You did a great job. And I bet your boyfriend would abosolutly love this.
Great job!
God Bless,
Ashley
~if you ever need anything.. let me know~ -
This is so beautiful! but there's a spelling mistake near the start. "Now along this path people would try to get me down and as much as I tried to ignore theie sharp remarks and painful blows" I think it should be 'thier' not 'theie'. The last bit is really sweet and my favourate part of all is "you knocked down that wall the first time I saw you and from then on you helped me to build up another wall." nice one!
Lizzy x x -
Very emotional poem. You have someone who will be there for you. That's wonderful. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing this poem with us all. Good luck in the contest. ttyl Tali
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