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The Concrete Jungle

Concrete rivers form endless grids,
glass canopies tower above.
Ethnic diversity seperates kids,
equality's absence of love.

Ordinary thugs are modern day heroes,
society serves as life support.
Report cards boast N/A's and zeroes,
discipline spawns a police report.

Parents working or missing in action,  
ignorant to cause and effect.
Dis-belief is the pathetic reaction.
when children are void of respect.

Children go missing when parents do
They deserve better and so do you!


Author:  Part-time Parent


Author notes


Written June 30th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Cupcrazy gold member
    March 23, 2007

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    Wonderful piece on the state of families in today's world. Emotional and thought provoking. great write. Bunny


  • light insight silver member
    July 2, 2006
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    Thank you for your comments on "The Concrete Jungle".


  • Tangled Angle
    July 2, 2006
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    Original. Unique. We'll see how you do in this contest. You had a good message. Good luck in the contest.


  • light insight silver member
    July 1, 2006
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    Thank you for a very insightful and pointed comment. I like the way you write. Thanks again!


  • Thundercat
    July 1, 2006
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    WOW. This is a very poignant social commentary which harbours incisive comments. This culminates to an awesome diatribe against some very popular Western ideologies. Perfect rhyme and flow. Well done, and keep it up.

    Thundercat


  • light insight silver member
    June 30, 2006
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    Thank you for taking time to read my poetry. I appreciate the comments. Take care!

  • light insight silver member
    June 30, 2006
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    I'm not sure if the IM made it. thanks again fir the kind words and the gentle way you pointed out my pathetic grammer skills. This is exactly what happens when parents go missing! Thank you again and I do appreciate your comments!


  • June 30, 2006
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    this was a great poem It was a great observation of the way in which we live


  • La Luna Rosa
    June 30, 2006
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    Very well written, though you tend to use 's instead of s to pluralize certain words. (ie. canopies, heroes, zeroes etc.) Your rhyme was faultless.


  • Allure of a Rose
    June 30, 2006
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    Very good job, I loved it. It was such a sweet and loving content. I just can't wait to be a mom (after my share of other types of fun ha). But yeh, this was really great. One little tiny thing though, where it says "Report cards boast N/A's and zero's" shouldn't it just be "zeros?" Other then that this seems almost perfect. Great job, honey, keep it up. Always, always, always, keep writing!
    <2+1&poison~kisses~so~delicious
    -Allure of a Rose-


  • tawk gold member
    June 30, 2006
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    excellent poem

    Wow what a powerful write about a very hard subject. Where are your kids when you are not there. I think it is sad that it takes two imcomes just to make it now a days and that is barely. You sound like a very loving and wonderful mom. I really liked the flow and the content of your poem. Keep up the wonderful work!::

1 - 11 of 11