Is skin still naked if clothed in blood and sweat?
Watched by the other corners of the room
Shadowed eyes loom...
Invisible?
- Paranoid.
Blood clotted skin like an outside artery,
Capillaries crawling all over my body
- and other insects too...
C l a m m y a n d F r o z e n
Shaken together - hangover guaranteed,
And still my head does bleed
- Into my tired eyes
It's no surprise I can't sleep...
A cloud in front of my brain,
Like misty rain...
Precipitation clogging my thoughts.
My outstretched hand...
- colourful blood red and artery blue...
It seems I can't sleep when I miss you.
-x-
Author notes
Written June 30th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I like it. Especially the first line. Good work. You seem like your very intelligent too. I'm glad I had enough knowledge to understand you talk about the heart.
Sorry for the judging delay. I am trying to judge it now but GOSH! There are so many entries. It scared me away from judging.
Sean
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hey this is great
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This is brilliant. I really like the meter, it transcends the typical four beat line. Your imagery is as captivating as it is divine. 'Tis a smart twist on a common emotion. Well written.
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Wow, explains the feeling of being turned inside out sometimes when part of you is gone with the other. Very well done.
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it IS good! i like it muchly xxx
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thank you so much for your comment... hee hee and i had nothing negative... wow this one must be good - it passed polly's critical poetry test, yay!!! hee hee thanks.. .im gonnas go and judge my contest!!! yay! -x-x-x-
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Ashleigh it's your darkest poem yet by far. And to think it's about someone makes it all that more effective. I hope this is a little exaggerated otherwise I'd be a little concerned. Still a nice write. Write some more. I miss your poems. Oh and good luck in the contest as well obviously.
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Excellent
Really different..Written, so well...Excellent work .."Good luck in the contest"
Blessings,
Betty -
this is ... weird. i like it, but its so creepy. do you actually think things like this when you miss josh? its a good poem, i could get the rhythm and it reads well. i like the structural layout of the piece too, it's a new and exciting approach to poetry! i like the last too lines, because the rhyme just sounds so...finished. its a good ending and a brilliant poem, although i still think its kinda scary. well done honey, this is cool
love you xxxx -
This is very well done. What a dark twist to missing someone. It is real great and strongly written. Best luck in the contest.
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