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Where the Glass Cuts Her Feet

She runs only where the glass cuts her feet,
the late night shouts now in anger,
he tries to explain, muddled and mistaken, booming music from the party up the road,
but she only runs on paths that lead her back, alleyways, connecting streets,
and she makes loops,
she makes these loops.

Author notes

Observed something like this on the way back from a party.
Written June 29th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • pine-needles
    June 19, 2007

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    awesome first line.
    in a few words you have captured this vicious cycle of this relationship, the bare details stacked up together.
    "muddled and mistaken, booming music from the party up the road,"

    not sure i like the repeating final line, i understand you wanted to emphasize the "loops" but somehow "these loops" seemed a bit out of place to me, the observer intrudes to much, can't explain it. i think just ending on "and she makes loops." could emphasize the loops as well, especially set off by itself, i don't know.

    anyways, strong lines and a gripping beginning. vivid image that grabs you and sticks persistently in your mind and the bottom of your feet. makes you think.


  • Thoughtcrime
    July 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Cheers, yeah I tried to bring some emphasis towards the fact that that whole situation would just keep going in circles. It was sad really cause this really happened, put a bit of a downer on the night, but meh.


  • darthdodo
    July 24, 2006
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    Nice Thoughtcrime!

    Very nice Thoughtcrime! Before I comment on the poem, I'd just like to say I dig your username! Because I just read the book '1984'. And sure enough, I've found it here! It IS an amazing literary read isn't it? Back to the poem, I love the poem lots! The last three lines were the greatest of all and the emphasis on the words "loop" make it even nicer to read! Nice!

  • Thoughtcrime
    July 7, 2006
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    I'd label it sad more than anything, it's based on something I saw once, real life, so I spose more realistic. Thanks for the comment.


  • roses and thorns
    July 7, 2006
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    I like this one too-is it abotu anyone in particular? It sounds dark but not depressing-if that made sense-lol-keep it up

    -roses


  • Thoughtcrime
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Cheers.


  • dying-for-you
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    good

    wow... i really liked this poem! keep up the good work!
    ~~* dieing romantically

1 - 7 of 7