Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Night Spirits

                           Out of the mists
where lonely people bed themselves
and lovers share each other in the night
                           the Spirits come:
love-lorn on earth and loving
they watch and wait
upon the secrets that unfold
like flowers in the moon's sweet beams,
mist piercing to show the thoughts and hopes
that cling upon the air unwilling to be disclosed.
Rather they hover star-dusted in the night
on a momentary intake of breath.
Thus we wrap ourselves in sleep
                          or wakeful rest
and cast upon a moon shaft
the day's outgoing and the night's coming in
alive to the extensiveness of space
where the souls of the sleeping mingle
and the Spirits keep their watch.

Author notes

Thie title is slightly changed because this stupid computer says I already have a poem entitled "Spirits of the Night". Of course I have: it's the one which Lyndon has asked us to enter for this contest. However, this title isn't quite as subtle, but I hope it will do.
Written June 29th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30
  • Yemassee gold member
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Despite what I may personally believe about spirits and the like, it's not difficult to appreciate the notion of this blending of life/sleep and spirit life.

    Life can easily seem prosaic to those of us who see things concretely, so we too need to imagine the possibilies sometimes. Even if we find them implausible that doesn't mean we can't see the beauty or its intrinsic value.

    I found it beautifully written.


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    May 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh my goodness, what a powerful write....


  • Maureen silver member
    May 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very nicely done!

    I enjoyed reading about the spirits of the night. It is comforting to think of spirits keeping watch as we sleep. Good Luck in the contest!

    Maureen


  • jenelda silver member
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Dear Joy,
    I'm pleased to see another spiritual poem from you.
    This one is equally well worth reading as your other entry. Thankyou for sharing your wonderful poem with me.
    Jen


  • hugh wyles silver member
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Dear Joy,

    Notwithstanding the abbreviated title, this is a very readable poem, albeit in free verse style, which evokes credible imagery in explicit and well crafted phrasing.
    What is more, although non-rhyming, it is undoubtedly poetic and I, for one, enjoyed reading it.
    Thankyou for sharing it for this contest in which I wish you best of luck.
    Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh R.


  • MargaretG
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This has a rhythm like gentle breathing, and the words sound soft as well. Lovely imagery and comforting idea. Good luck in the contest!


  • Hinemoa silver member
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Dear Joy,
    Another lovely spiritual poem from you.
    And I firmly believe that they do come to us as we sleep. Beautifully written.
    Hine


  • catz Moderators member
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    These spirits seem rather nice, Joy, and content with their lot
    It's kind of comforting to feel those friendly ghosts nearby. A nice job of writing here
    I wish you the best in the contest


    Dee


  • angelica silver member
    May 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    dear Joy, I totally agree with what you've written.' totally. spirits of our loved ones do visit us while we sleep and our spirits do mingle with them, and they take us on journeys to remarkable places. But we don't always remember it. And spirits are always with us, guiding us. Sometimes when I lay my head down to sleep I feel my hair being stroked and I know that it's my son with me.
    A very spiritual poem my friend.
    Thankyou for entering our group contest and good luck.
    Joan

  • hugh wyles silver member
    September 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Joy.
    It is certain that those who do not believe will never see.
    To perceive faeries, the 'little people', leprechauns, nymphs, sprites, angels, the tooth fairy, Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny and any of the world of imagination, one must have a receptive and believing mind that is "tuned in". Otherwise all will remain invisible. With spirits this is especially so as it is not given to those in the world of spirit to penetrate easily into the world of the living nor is it easy for us to receive them into ours. If we do not believe, communion is impossible. For those with faith, who believe and seek, rewards await.
    Your poem is thoughtful and thought provoking. I have read it, though belatedly, with much pleasure. Am bookmarking it.
    Applause, love and hugs from a fellow-believer, XXX Hugh.
    Edited on Sep 04, 10:40 p.m. because 'typos.'.


  • crystaldust gold member
    July 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hallo Jane and thank you for your very interesting comments. No, I didn't mean that the spirits and lovers mingled as one - at least not all the time. I meant that all sleeping people are able to mingle with the world of spirit - not just lovers.Spirits are ever present day and night. If our minds (not our brains) are tuned to their presence, then there is an exchange and a mingling. If we are not aware of spirits and their presence, then there will be no exchange, no mingling. Glad you liked it, though. Joy

  • oneluckygirl
    July 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    crystaldust,
    The images you create appeal in their romantic as well as their spiritual realms. The interplay between the lovers and the spirits as separate energies works well. If instead, you meant that they mingled as one I would have expected the last line to begin 'with the spirits keeping watch' rather than the 'the' you've used.

    I'm such a sucker for romance. Thank you.

    Jane


  • Lyndon gold member
    July 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I do not agree with a critique above that you meant the spirits of sleepers mingle with the spirits looking down. In fact, you are saying that the spirits of the sleeping mingle which I am not quite sure is in the general flow of thought of this poem.
    Your poem is mellifluous; has rhythmic fluency; and its vowels provide pleasant musicality.
    As with most pooets in this particular contest, you begin very well.
    I find it difficult to establish clarity between and lovers share each other in the night /the Spirits come and
    where the souls of the sleeping mingle
    and the Spirits keep their watch. unless the souls are the lovers! Then, the poem is well framed.
    I am, of course, looking for freshness and found it here:
    the day's outgoing and the night's coming in
    alive to the extensiveness of space*.

    Thank you for entering this contest under invitation. Ron

  • crystaldust gold member
    July 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hallo ma belle. I'm glad you enjoyed this and thank you very much for reading it and your encouraging comments. Joy

  • crystaldust gold member
    July 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hallo Toots and thank you for your really great comments. They are much appreciated and most encouraging. It isn't often people say I've enabled them to "feel" something unexpected in a poem, so I'm truly delighted to have done that. Thank you again, Toni, for reading and commenting. Joy


  • ma belle
    July 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Romantic, spiritually-inspired, I enjoyed reading this little beauty, the imagery very soft and subtle--never screaming or distracting. Thank you for entering the contest and best of luck! Belle


  • Toni A Christman
    July 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I've read your poem several times, and each time I find a new reason to be excited to read it. This is an incredible piece of poetry, crystaldust. I don't think I am in any position literary-wise to issue a critique of this poem. I am able to say, though, that this idea of yours that Spirits watch and mingle with our souls... and the mystery of the nights and sleep is one of universal peacefulness to me. I think we can talk about peacefulness and mystery all we want, but to be able to communicate it in other words - to make readers FEEL that - is simply awe inspiring. I applaud your beautiful poem and you for having written it! Best regards, Toni

  • crystaldust gold member
    July 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Good to meet you, R S Adams Jr, and thank you for your kind and encouraging comments. They are much appreciated.


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    July 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    well written

    This poem is soothing and pleasant to read. It is musical and it has flow with its rhythm. I like the way you have broken your lines to give the emphasis to the important parts. It makes the poem easier to understand. Well done.

  • crystaldust gold member
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi. You seem to have got the reply I sent to Blindpanic Don't know why, but I apologise. Shall now send you the one I wrote to you because I don't know what happened to it. Thank you for your comments, which are most encouraging and for your good wishes for the contest. I'm delighted you like this one. Thank you again. Joy

  • crystaldust gold member
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi, Blind-panic. I'm really pleased that you like this one and also that you like the layout. I don't usually vary the pattern of free verse, but several people seem to like this, so I'm very pleased. Thanks for your encouragement.

  • crystaldust gold member
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hallo again Celticmoon. I'm really glad you like this one and the layout too. It just seemed right to emphasize those few lines. So I did. Thank you for your comments which are much appreciated. Joy

  • crystaldust gold member
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi, Marie-Lee and thank you for your lovely comments. I write quite a bit of free verse so am glad you like the layout. Thanks again. Joy


  • crystaldust gold member
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hallo again my friend. Yes, they do watch over us and I'm glad you, too, know that. Joy


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful poem. Such calming images you have created. Very well written. Beautiful job on this. Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Jeannie D Hunter

  • Blind-panic
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem. It's well written and the layout is different which adds to its uniqueness. Well done


  • Celticmoon
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    You have used a rather unique layout for this write. One that I have not seen before. The cahnge is nice and I believe it only added to the piece and the images that your lovely words have created. Well Done!


  • Hellsfire02
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Nice poem, very descriptive and creates lots of imagery, I especially liked the layout, gave the poem more of an edge. Thankyou so much for sharing and featuring a true pleasure to read. Keep writing!!

    ~marie lee
    xxx


  • Puppydog gold member
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    SO PEACEFUL AND BEAUTIFUL

    Very peaceful words my friend, I do feel those spirits watching over me at night.

  • taekwondo
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. I love it. Its different from some I've read and thats good. I like the different types of stuff. I love the line Rather they hover star-dusted in the night. I just like how you put it. Very creative. Its lovely too.

1 - 30 of 30