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I Lied to You

 

 

Through time
I have forgotten you
forgotten your name

put you away
in a very safe place

but as I sleep
you creep into my dreams
and I remember.. all too well
every-single-thing

Your screams in anguish
your eyes full of fear
knowing.. full well
the end was sooo near

I looked away..
as a warm dark pool
formed benieth you

So I lied to you..
I said you would live
and I knew all along
we had nothing to give you

NOTHING
just nothing.. but death

So we talked..

We laugh about Charley
and his stupid little traps
and the luck of the Irish
just talking some trash

The girls back home
that we loved and adored

And your mom..

How she was going to be SO mad
for you breaking your promise

You promised... not-to-get-hurt

What a joke

And we laughed and laughed
for a while

Till you died

Then I closed your eyes
Then I cried for you

One last time




By

Sgt. Richard L. McCarthy

Author notes

I have written for two of the three men that died in my squad. Some day I will make words for the last man.

I rewrote his pocket letter because I was his Sergent

We were close enough that he was my "Pack Partner"
We made certain Packs and promises if we were injured.

"If I am injured and look like a monster, shoot me"

That is a Pack

Enough said

Just as a point of information: I served in Viet Nam in 1968.
I was injured, treated, and reliesed in 1969 to go home. Many of you were were unborn, or swimming down a Filopion Tube somewere. I am writing this for the contest, and perhaps to relieve my greif as sugested by a friend. I can say no more.

This became a Silver
Written June 29th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 99 of 149     1 2  next >  (show all)
  • Hummingbirdlover
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    I let my father read this, he is a commander in the Navy. He told me that what you did for your men was very honorable. He said things of this sort happened in Viet Nam but your men had you to help them go over to the other side. I was born in 1987 and have no recollection of the Viet Nam War. Glad you got the bronze trophy.


    • Endeavor gold member
      August 10
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Hummingbirdlover


      Pleased your father was able to read and relate to this
      A Commander is very high up in the Navy, I am honered
      My Men became like my brothers, and I was like the elder brother
      I was a Sergent and a small squad leader, a Commander leads many
      Thank you for reading me, Rick
  • evelynxxoo
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    your poem made me cry to watch your mate die and try to make good on a promise the flash backs must of been terrible i only hope they got easier you are true friend to face his mother and im sure covered up more than you told her a great poem full of emotion


    • Endeavor gold member
      June 21
      Edit | Reply
      If you cried
      you fell all the way into my words
      and that put you with me, and in my tears as well

      My nightmairs are much less now, I have "Blood Dreams"
      but only when I realy, have a Bad Day
      Thank you for feeling my words
      Go read something nice

      I than you,

      Rick

  • LynnJones
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Definitely made me cry. I can't even imagine!...I don't even want to. Wow. I'm speechless....sort of. Very good. I definitely felt my heart break on this one. Wow.

    ~Jessica


    • Endeavor gold member
      June 21
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Lynn


      This is the other side of poetry
      the part that slams us down
      and knocks over all the pritty flowers

      It is just life, and a rare dark verse by me
      Thank you for reading

      Rick

  • creationsfromheart silver member
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    A good write and well done, my uncle was over there and he never speaks of it, I think for him he just trys to forget, thank you for sharing this with us as it is a part of history that should be shared with people... You may want to fix beneath, and also change the elipths too 3 instead of 2 ... But, again thank you for sharing a part of history that we can see through your words


    • Endeavor gold member
      May 6
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Susan


      This is a dream I have often
      Happly I have not had it for almost six months
      till it came to me again last week

      We lost 56,000 over there, I lost 3 in my squad
      I was a very luckey Sergent

      Rick

  • BeautifulFlame gold member
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    I am crying through reading this dediction for your friend and for you. Sometimes we go back and wonder why the loss?
    So sad but i felt your emotion and have seen your pain.
    It is good you wrote your and his story.

    Love to you my dearest friend,
    ~Lisa~

    • Endeavor gold member
      May 6
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Lisa


      Somehow I missed your comment here
      Sorry you cried reading this
      It will be OK

      Rick

  • raggyann
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    i remember vet nam
    it was a terrible war and we lost so many
    i rember my friend showing me his draft card
    the number on it was one
    i and he criedhe made it home
    but he was realy never the same again
    i prayed for all
    this poem broght me so many sad memories
    god bless you


    • Endeavor gold member
      January 12
      Edit | Reply

      raggyann


      I am sure there is a reason for your name

      We lost almost Fifty Seven Thousand men.
      I was a Sergent, and lost 3 of 15... very lucky
      One of Five. This was for Ron the first

      Such is life

      Thank you for caring for my words, Rick

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    Such a beautiful, tragic write. The lies we sometimes have to tell ..

    This was so very touching and brought a tear to my eye!


    • Endeavor gold member
      January 12
      Edit | Reply

      Kiwi


      Thank you for feeling my words so well

      There is verse for another comrad called "Sunday"

      Thank you for reading me, Rick

  • x-Pretty-Odd-x
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery, the emotion was very deep and it is really well written. Congratulations on you trophies. Good job, keep writing.

    • Endeavor gold member
      January 12
      Edit | Reply

      broken.x.dreams


      Thank you for saying well written

      Pleased to have you read me

      Rick
  • Gods Precious
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    When I openend your poem......... i wasnt sure what I was letting myself in for, however since my dad past away two months ago........... I thought that there would not be any words to describe the feeling of standing there and seeing your loved one say goodbye with his last breath.......... Your poem did this for me......... This is an awesome poece thank you for sharing it


    • Endeavor gold member
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Precious


      Pleased my words said somthing to you
      We never know how our words will fall on another

      Thank you for saying awesome

      Rick

  • Annastacia
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You know, there just isn't any words that I can say that would let you know how incredible this poem is, so I will just leave it at that.
    Anna

    • Endeavor gold member
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Anna


      Thank you for feeling my words so well

      Please read something lighter by me

      Please

      Rick

  • Endeavor gold member
    October 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    < Hi Miz


    Some monents are imprinted on our mind
    I shook and cried after he died

    Please read somthing elce by me, that is softer
    I thank you

    Rick

  • kdanielle
    October 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow again! I can't imagine that moment. You have such an awesome way with words. I love this!!!! This one is my favorite so far!


    • Endeavor gold member
      October 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Danlelle


      This is a trametic read since I always write from life

      Please read somthing softer to see a balance in my words

      Perhaps "Forever and a Day" or "My Secret Heaven" or "I Will"

      Thank you for the three Smilies

      Rick
  • mysty rain
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    How do you answer such an awesome tribute as this to your fellow soldiers. The dying that you must have witnessed is beyond a civilians comprehension. But yet you write about it in such a way that brings it all into the view of the reader. This is very well written dear poet and friend. Your trophies were well deserved. Your friend in Poetry, Mysty Rain


  • Dragons Lady
    September 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very heart wrenching write. I cannot imagine or even begin to understand the amount of grief you have had in your life. It touched me in the way that although you both knew you were lying, he was comforted by your words. I am thankful that you share your words written in such a gentle manner, that your heart is not so jaded that you become hard and unfeeling. Beautiful work. Well done. Loved it.


    • Endeavor gold member
      September 15, 2007

      Edit | Reply

      de llanto


      My friend, just so you are not mislead by the words you read today
      I was hardned, silent, angry, & tramatized. A great woman sofened me, and over time I healed my past. She blessed me.

      For the most part I have this in hand, and I am happy. Rick
  • nothinghere silver member
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This touched me in such a desperate way, it is just that story of knowing you were lying but still the words fall like rain while the hope inside you lives that perhaps you will be right.... I'm sorry you have seen such atrocities in life, but I am ever so thankful that you are able to still see the hues of life even if these memories you hold never waver, never fade.... this touched me.... so sad, but so wonderfully penned

    Karen


    • Endeavor gold member
      September 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Karen


      This time with him, is as clear as the keyboard
      benith my fingers. This was a ten minuete event.

      The day before we were bumed-out about someone elce that got killed.
      So good we can only see today

      Thank you for feeling the words completely

      Rick

  • tinydarkgoddess
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I cried. I'm going to sound completely over emotional but I cried. Plain. Simple. I am deeply sorry that you have had to watch another person slip away and can do nothing for them except be there...I know that feeling very personally.
    Even more, I respect you now more than I did before, which seemed impossible but it happened. You have honored your fallen brothers with this brilliant piece of writing.
    I wish I could explain all of how I feel and how this made me feel but I can't because the words aren't there just yet.

    (I know you said no applause but I can't help myself this time)


    • Endeavor gold member
      September 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      My Friend


      Just so you know, for the longest time
      I could not even read my own words I made here

      He was so worried about his mom being hert by this
      He told me she`s not going to take this very well

      Thank you for saying brillant, it is just words

      Rick

  • voodoo ink
    August 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!! I totally do not agree or support war, but puting all political views aside...this is one damn good piece...I love it...It felt like I was there, I could see this, from your words...I can't even imagine the pain you feel deep inside...I SALUTE YOU, SIR AND POET...


    • Endeavor gold member
      September 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Metallic


      If you talk to a vetran, he will care little of the politics that put him in combat.

      We only cared for the men that became our brothers
      Living, getting home to our Girlfriends is what mattered.
      Seeing home again, driving down Main Sreet in a car

      All soulderes are trained to follow orders, ONLY

      Thank you for reading this

      Rick

  • Jalalbad gold member
    July 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    You never lied

    you helped your friend to go into the light without feeling afraid. He believed you and this is what counts. He took your promise with him and it came to life in a realm beyond time and space where there is no matter or time to bind us up and keep us from being and doing what we were meant to be and do. Blessed assurence is what you gave to him. It was no lie. It was a promise- a promise from God and one that He kept.
    The promise was spoken out of love- God is love- and where there is love there is life and light.
    Smile,
    Judy


    • Endeavor gold member
      August 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      My Friend Judy


      Sometimes
      we will find our selves lost, even when we lead
      Some events in life have no scripting, and we are at a loss to know

      We simply talked as the old friends we were
      Neather of us ever spoke the truth, it was too much to say

      I watched him fall asleep

      Forever

      Rick

  • azlyn gold member
    July 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    No applause as you requested...in my heart much applause for your honesty and strength in sharing this. Your loyalty to your brothers was valient. I am sorry you went through this...but I am glad your friends had such a loving trusting man by their side at their time. You gave them dignity and comfort in death, a gift that surpasses all else. I have not the words to tell you how this touched my heart and broke it as well. Any tears that I shed for this write, were not out of pity for you or those blessed men who fell at your side...they are tears of pride for soldiers who ansered a call and paid the ultimate price. I say this in respect, I do not condone war, but I support and treasure all our military men and women and I bless the ground they bleed upon. May Heaven have mercy on all who bring humans to this condition, for they will surely answer for their sins against humanity.

    • Endeavor gold member
      July 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Azkyn


      I remember Ron asking me how bad it was
      I told him, not that bad

      When his pants got soked he knew I was lying
      We never talked about it beyound that
      His back was wide open

      He was very calm and brave beyound the Morphine
      He blead out in a few minuets

      He basically fell to sleep
      I seldom have this dream anymore
      Thank you for reading this

      Rick


  • Pretty Little Thing
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done. The line "Till you died" was excellently placed, and has a profound effect on the reader emotionally as a quick turning point from the lines just before it regarding laughter, as the tone shifts again suddenly to sadness. Very effective, and very well done

    • Endeavor gold member
      May 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Derrick


      Thank you for your very close reading of this

      You definatly felt the tone and tempo of this work

      Some events can never be revieled well in truth

      Rick

  • Je Suis Prete
    March 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My dad served two consecutive tours in Vietnam. I have seen what that war has done to him and I've lived with it all my life. I would say that I hope the hurt goes away but I just don't think it will. Thankyou for entering.
    Sara


    • Endeavor gold member
      March 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Je Suis

      If your father served two tours
      it is a mercule he survived at all

      If he still has trama inside
      it is just his life burdon for seeing toooo much

      Tell him I said "Welcome Home Brother" (68-69)" He will know

      Rick

  • mysticstorm gold member
    March 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    More said here then many will every know or understand! Or maybe they will in another life time, yet I hope bot for their sake. I have lost many friends to war and my family was all military, therefore I understand. Yet to this day Vietnam is the one that haunts me...many died there yet many returned to slowly die here. The 1st time in my life that I was ashamed to be an Amercian.
    You honored them well in your haunting words. Families broken and never recovered, BOYS left to never return and those that did we dishonored as a Nation. How sad are we!!! How wonderful are they ALL and your words for them.
    Bless you and those you served with always!
    By Gods Grace...
    Love


    • Endeavor gold member
      March 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      I thank you

      By your words I see you may understand
      Perhaps it is your millitary background

      I did my best to capture my thoughts for this one event
      I kept it almost anaseptic to protect my feelings
      If I said all I know, it would be near appaling

      There are no pritty wars, Just the dead and the suvivors
      and even that becomes a point of distress, such is life

      I thank you for your kind words

      Rick

  • Mia63
    March 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Thank You For Serving and Protecting!!!

    I appreciate the fact that you shared a personal story. I was born in '63, so I only grew up hearing about the nightmares soldiers had. My cousin, my father, and ex-husband all served...and let me tell you, they still carry ALL of the memories, good, bad, horrific, sad.


    • Endeavor gold member
      March 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Mia

      Mia means Missing In Action to me

      I am OK I just have dreams
      A friend sugested I write the on this site
      I struggled to make the words

      I thank you for reading this

      Rick

  • CrimsonRain1313
    March 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    im speechless. gosh. this brought tears to my eyes. i dont even kno what to say. this is so beautiful. absolutely beautiful and heart wrenching. i feel as if someone has just torn my heart out and crushed it. youve channeled your pain and formed it into words amazingly. stunning. i may sound like a babbling idiot for repeating myself, but i just dont kno what to say. i cant even think straight now. im so sorry for what you went thru. and i THANK YOU for protecting our country.
    Peace && Blesses
    ~Rain


    • Endeavor gold member
      March 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Crimsom

      Some words are more easy to live than to write
      This is neather. To this day I can not read this without crying
      I was this mans Sergent. I rewrote his letter to his mom
      We all carried a letter just incase. It is a tradition.

      Thank you for feeling the words I made in greif
      It has been 35 years and I live very well, far from the place of this death

      We never know, how life will go. I survived

      Rick

  • michellemybelle gold member
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Rick,
    this touched me so deeply
    I hate you have to live with these dreams
    and am glad to know you have lovely ones as well, it seems like more often
    to me, this speaks of honor and friendship in the most tragic of circumstances
    he died not alone, but also knowing he had a true friend
    great write, this shows the beauty of your heart in a differant way than we usually see
    I can only imagine how hard this was to write and can't begin to think of living this
    you are brave
    Michelle


    • Endeavor gold member
      February 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      My Michelle

      I avoide reading this
      It is garenteed tears from me

      I would think it would get more faded over time
      but some things are cristal clear always

      He was as young as me, we were 19 then
      Way too young to get poped

      Thank you for seeing good in this

      Rick

  • debilynn gold member
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    what a powerful write. the emotions brought forth are strong. this had to be very hard to write and yet maybe was a release for you. you did an amazing job on this. i read this with tears. keep writing my friend. God bless you always


    • Endeavor gold member
      February 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Debilynn

      Trista had me write this
      I was complaning of my dreams and she made me promis to write somthing the next time it happened

      I have them less often now, so it may have helped

      I thank you for feeling this with me for a moment

      Rick

  • Bitter Sweet Litany
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    emotionally powerful

    The hardest thing a man can do for a friend or even a fellow soldier for that matter, is to comfort them knowing full well that that soldier won't be here that much longer. This one pulled at my heart, but I really hope you found some peace of mind just writing it, because it definately should be said. <3


    • Endeavor gold member
      February 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Sweet

      The moment of this was somewhat unreal
      We had both seen many serious injeries before.

      I rolled him over to see the exit wound
      He ask, and I said not that bad
      I am positive he knew I was lying
      His pants were getting wet from blood

      I morphed him twice to make him calm

      So we just talked about other things
      He was very brave

      He feel asleep bleeding out
      This pulles my heart too

      Rick

  • PassionsPromise gold member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good LORD!!!

    OMG never ever did I expectto see this type of writing although I read the one you had written before. This is heart wrenching, full of emotion dear. Powerfully written with such feeling, it takes the readers breath away...especially mine. I actually felt like I was there, I wanted to reach out and help, and all I can grasp is air.......Im floored with emotion. Best wishes and I hope it eases some pain.
    Much love friend
    Vic


    • Endeavor gold member
      February 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Victoria

      This is a bit different for me
      Trista has ask me to write of my dreams
      It has helped somewhat

      If you felt like you were there, it was my intent
      War is so much more than a number in a budget
      I thank you for feeling this so closely

      Rick

  • Debbysmiles gold member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is sooooooooooooooooooooo very sad.. May God Bless the men and women who so selflessly give more than most of us whould even dare. Excellent write. Beneath is spelled wrong.. ( think it is the 16th line ). My dad and husband were in 'Nam. No one comes home from war the way they left even if the body remains intact. God bless you. Debby


  • Heavenly Angel
    February 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'm left speechless But know this touched my heart...


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This truly touched me. I was very much alive in the Nam era..Lost alot of friends who I graduated High School with and never made it back home. There was a constant buzz around the housing complex where we lived. My daughter served in the Gulf but is out of the military and safe and sound.
    I remember the looks on the faces of the families that lost their family members...I will never forget their looks.. This was emotionally raw..
    Take care of your self...as always I wish you the best.
    Soulful Woman


  • Ale E
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow great piece. Really emotional and so deep. Wow. This is becoming more hard to judge by the second.
    Good luck in my contest.


    • Endeavor gold member
      February 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Ale

      Thank you for reading my words

      The reality of the monent was courser

      I softened the words for the public

      Thank you for feeling the words

      R$ick

  • Delrondu
    January 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    just wanted to say that was a great piece. how real it felt because you made it so real. i can't give you a trophy for obvious reason but i'll give you an applause. keep it up.


    • Endeavor gold member
      January 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Delrondu

      Thank you for reading this

      I do not usally write dark

      I would like you to read anything elce

      Rick

  • Delrondu
    January 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering but please refer back to the rules again or this has no chance.

  • Providence
    January 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is just wonderful. I spent the greater part on this evening visiting Tay Ninh Province and reading the stories of the men who served there.
    And as I close my eyes tonight, I will pray that he had a friend like you by his side!
    Marianne


    • Endeavor gold member
      January 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Marianne

      Just so you know

      Ever man theer was loved by his fellow combatnents
      We made secret pacts and promises for our survival or death

      There is a bond that is held by men that have fear together
      It is a promis never said, to help each other "act as men"
      and never run away, or be couardly if we are afairaide

      Everyone that was near at his injury
      anguished for his survivel as if it was their own life

      Read my words

      http://allpoetry.com/poem/2015948

      Rick


  • paullallady silver member
    December 19, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    OMG

    I understand why you put this away and do not visit it. What a painful experience. But please let me tell you, that to remember your friend in such a manner is greater than any statue or headstone. This was an amazing piece of writing. Such emotions, brings tears to your eyes. You are definately a brilliant talent.

  • Molassis
    December 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really touching poem... I've often wondered about nam and how the soldiers could handle such horrific things...

    I don't know what to say about this... it's exceptional writing though...

    ~Melissa


    • Endeavor gold member
      December 12, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Girl

      This is a dream I can not shed. It come to me when I am troubled in life or under stress.

      It is all true, but sofened for the reader to hear.

      He was so curragious in how he handled his last moments.
      He wore a cross and Dog Tages all thru his service there.

      He died tuching the cross so I prayed for him at once.
      There is nothing more to say

      Rick

  • Tabitha-Robin
    December 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was so deep and touching. I think you have written your emotion with the color of depth. I think this is a good write, very sad and emotional. I loved it. "God bless you." Keep writing.

    Tabith

    • Endeavor gold member
      December 5, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Tabith

      The writing did me good. I rarely ever have this dream now

      That was a blessing

      Appreate you thoughts

      Rick
  • angelcalled666momma
    November 29, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    MOST EXCELLENT!!!

    hi im tisha my son,is serving in iraq,it terrifies me to know he may have to feel the way you felt in this poem,thank you for sharing,i must go cry now,PEACE!


    • Endeavor gold member
      November 29, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Angel

      You need not worry

      He is well trained by the millitary

      Trained to accept any chalange he may see, Rick
      • angelcalled666momma
        December 20, 2006
        Edit | Reply

        bad news :((

        hi its tisha again,i dont know why i feel like sharing this with you,but anyway here goes,i told you about my son,you may remember,hes in iraq,3 days ago,his unit got hit by 3 ied's.ieds= improvised explosive device,but you prolly know that.my son will soon be the recipent of a purple heart.you were right,they are well trained.without his commrades he he would have died.he said to me tonight,"momma im gonna miss the hell out of you on Christmas,all i can do,is salute the flag,and march on." the army has made him into a man,can you say amen? anyway peace! Tisha

  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    November 18, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Autstanding...

    Hi Rick, This poem is sad and depressing, you're so right about the darkenss of the dream here. And the pain of loss of a friend... I am sorry for your grief and loss, even though the span of time has faded the memory... You really did a great job with a difficult subject. Thank you for sharing more of your outstanding work! I'm so glad you won the second silver trophy for this one!! Take Care and God Bless...
    Rose of Ireland