A heavy blanket of clouds rumble low in dawn’s heavens,
Looming adversely in sunlight’s thwarting absence,
Darkness feasting ravenously on the remaining rays of light,
Meeting my weary eyes, straining to remain open,
Sending a sudden unease settling over my mind…
Turmoil in the distance reaches my ears,
Voices seized by panic building up into helpless hollers,
My heart thunders uncontrollably to match the darkened skies above,
Eyes scanning the horizon in an increasing feeling of dread…
The sight of fellow villagers focuses into vision,
Arms flailing frantically in the humid early- morning air,
Wearing looks of pure shock, faces washed white with terror,
Shouts drowned in horror ring through the sinister grey of daybreak…
A massive wall of water becomes visible on the skyline,
Drawing up to its full height in the midst of the havoc,
A two- story building meek in comparison,
Rising triumphantly, in unison with traumatized screams,
Enormous jaws wide open, utterly famished…
I stand stupefied, feet rooted to the beach below me,
Eyes bulging in bewilderment as the water rushes out from the shelf,
Poised and ready to lead its attack,
Charging out to crash deafeningly onto the shore,
Disastrous waves striking the remote seaside,
Water splattering violently in all directions,
Closing in rapidly, flooding the beach in the stench of salt,
Sweeping countless terrified people into its vigorous current,
As my heart hammers painful nails of warnings into my chest,
The reek of the sea replaced by the sinful scent of death,
Powerful arms of water bashing against the beach sands,
Engulfing mirthlessly every single obstacle in its path,
Surging on, undefeated,
Rejoicing at the desperate cries of the fate- stricken villagers,
As a successive, monstrous sheet of water courses towards perturbed land,
Enormous jaws wide open, utterly famished…
Author notes
Natural disasters are so sad... nature is a murderer. 
Yeah, this is a tsunami story, and perhaps it may be too late to be inspired by that tragic happening of December 26, 2004. But I still remember it... right the next day after Christmas; so many people swept away by the sea...
Written June 29th, 2006
A contest entry
- Welcome To My World.... TAKE A LEFT by pimp daddy satin.
300 points, ended November 6, 2006, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open to anyone and everyone! by Aidenn.
600 points, ended February 12, 2007, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just Give Me Something To Read by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended January 18, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Sheenbot
Fantasic poem! You absolutley nailed it! Rich, rich with lots of detail! Absolutlety percfect. An A++! Fantastic work! Bravo! Very sad though, very good choice of words.
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Excellent
Beautiful discription of a sad issue. Words chosen very well with evidence of the writer's own desperate feelings of doom. Also the fact that she notices others fear and dimay as she herself is under attack. Gifted writer, wonderful write! Good going, Don
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WOW!!!
Julia this is excellent!! I really like your choice of words and your sentence fluency......Its amazing.....Also i belive its really vividly written...your descriptions are really touching i can feel the pain....!! Not alot of writter's can do that!!
I don't know what to day...its flawless...a complete master piece.
Some favourite Lines:
A heavy blanket of clouds rumble low in dawn’s heavens,
Looming adversely in sunlight’s thwarting absence,
Darkness feasting ravenously on the remaining rays of light,
Meeting my weary eyes, straining to remain open,
Sending a sudden unease settling over my mind…
this gets the point across amazingly!!!!
I stand stupefied, feet rooted to the beach below me,
Eyes bulging in bewilderment as the water rushes out from the shelf,
this again is really meaningfull....!!
A massive wall of water becomes visible on the skyline,
Drawing up to its full height in the midst of the havoc,
A two- story building meek in comparison,
Rising triumphantly, in unison with traumatized screams,
Enormous jaws wide open, utterly famished…
i really like this!!!
Love u're writing....keeep in touch... finally got time to read u're work lol
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Yeah, I put all the poems I write now into the book. Thanks for the comment and applause! Beyond your words... where'dya get the from?
Julia -
nice
nice nice JJ
did u put this in ur poem book or no?
its really cooooooool
i remember the movie... the day after tomorrow. *i think thats its name* hehehe
very nice
beyond me words aye!
---besty mate Laramie -
this does not come as a surprise at all
i mean... i have read quite some of your work... and i already know that you are a great writer. this is a really great poem. you did a nice job showing the strength nature has, and just how big it is compared to us. i like the image of the viewr with feet in sand... watching it all happen in front of her...
it's just... i don't know, you got all the right words
natural disaters destroy families and takes lives, and the world need to be smarter about its way of dealing with these matters, to provide aid sooner, or evacuate.
well done
best wishes,
albasoul
P.S enjoy your vacation -
Thanks a lot, Udit! Been a while since I've heard from you. Good to know someone notices my quote Yours is inspirational. Thanks so much for the comment... I'm really glad you liked this.
Julia -
LOL, THANKS!
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Did I not comment on this? For some reason, I guess I wasn't able to. I read, and I was absolutely stunned. Great poem Julia. The words have been chosen really well. Sums up your quote too-
"One word is worth a 1000 pictures!"
True, and the poem really shows that. Amazing imagery.
~Udit
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woah
good X a bajillion -
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Thanks again Walt. Good to know you're always there to read my poems... if no one else does, I can at least be content that you will
Too bad I can't amaze you anymore
Julia -
Thanks a lot for the advice! Yeah, I've done that before, and the results are good. It's pretty expensive though, unlike the Shameless Promotion Box.
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LOL. Customary, huh?
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Hey Leah, thank you so much for dropping by and reading this piece! Your comment means a lot to me. NO, the narrator is NOT me I WAS planning to describe what happened to her (probably let the tsunami sweep her away too), but I decided it would just ramble on and be too long. It's up to you to your imagination to decide what happens to him/ her. The narrator wasn't the important highlight of the poem, so I didn't bother to describe him/ her. That way, you can fit into the narrator's role just fine, and you can picture yourself caught just a couple hundred meters away from a tsunami. I chose to let my readers hang and wonder about the narrator, just as you did
Thanks once again for the comment and applause!
Julia -
NOPE, actually my summer so far is more of a let- down, but I'm extremely glad to even be having one. Where exactly will I see you again?
Thanks a lot for your comment and applause! (The customary thank you I have to distribute as an act of courtesy)
Julia -
Julia, what more can I say? You're one of the best poets I know. I guess I expected this kind of work from you. It's great! I love how you brought out the monstrosity of the tsunami, making it seem more like predator stalking prey (humans). I luvd that! Anyway, I hope you're having a great summer
(riiiigghhhttt) and keep on writing! Yeah, where did Areeba go? ANyway, see you!
~Chelsea -
Excellente!!!
I am no longer amazed at your writing, because I know you so well, and expect nothing less, happy 13th Birthday by the way, and this is an exciting write. "nails hammered into my chest". What a great image. You have several images in this poem that really work. I wondered about the seaside background as I began to read and then it suddenly dawned on me, "Tsunami!!" What a horror! Scares me silly. We have earthquakes here in California; no Tsunamis yet...praise the Lord. I really liked this poem. You are sooo good...ageless and priceless. Another gem. Your friend, Walt.
Edited on Jun 30, 9:13 because 'misspelling'. -
oh yea....one more thing....I don't know if you'e done this before, but promoing with points offered is a very effective way to get your stuff read...you get featured and well it works......I did it once and was amazed at the response.......alright....that's it
*Leah -
wow, I just can't believe you're 12!!!!!! But I guess as Bob Dylan says, " My name, it means nothing, and my age, even less." Such a vast array of words to describe this horrifying situation, so very beautifully articulated, I am truly impressed......the writing is amazing but one question does arise, and maybe I mised it, I might just go ahead and read this again.....what happens to the narrator in this piece? Is it you? She's on the beach, does she get swept away in the current if it's not you? I don't think it's you.....either way, it doesn't matter to much, this is a great write, i agree with, "Queen of writing" WOW......
*Leah
p.s. I'll be reading more of your writes later....got things to take care of, I'll be back. -
Hey... I feel so good that you took the time to read this piece during break... you could have chosen to do lots of things funner than this, LOL. BUT, what exactly happened to that applause? Kidding- I'm 'experimenting' and trying to come up with something better to say to people than just "Thanks a lot for your comment! I'm glad you liked this piece!" Get what I mean... yeah, exactly...
Julia -
Great job
hey julia another one of ur master pieces and i must say that this poem is very meaningful. i really like the way u vividly describe everything and made the reader get the picture so easily. i see that u have just posted this poem up but once people know abt it they will go crazy puttin up comments. this poem is for sure worthwhile reading and it will remind them of the tragedy that occured. so i guess this another poem that goes in ur book. the thing i really like abt ur writing is that everything taht u write is a different topic and it keeps the reader interested not like other people who are focused with one paticular topic. i like ur experimentation. okay i think it is time for me to wrap up this comment. oh......... wait i have to tell u my fav lines:
A massive wave of water becomes visible on the skyline,
Drawing up to its full height in the midst of the havoc,
A two- story building too meek in comparison,
Rising triumphantly, in unison with traumatized screams,
Enormous jaws wide open, utterly famished…
I stand stupefied, feet rooted to the beach below me,
Eyes bulging in bewilderment as the water rushes out from the shelf,
Poised and ready to lead its attack,
Charging out to crash deafeningly onto the shore,
Disastrous waves striking the remote seaside,
Water splattering violently in all directions,
Closing in rapidly, flooding the beach in the stench of salt,
Sweeping countless terrified people into its vigorous current,
As my heart hammers painful nails of warnings into my chest,
these lines just made me go WOW they are sooooo good.
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