A deadly rainstorm
Saved a river's life from death.
I give you my trust
Author notes
Written June 28th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Oh i love this and I adore the scene overall. This is so lovely and serene. Wonderfully penned haiku...Nice Job!
-
You have a syllable count of 5-7-6 in this one, that is one too many in last line for haiku
maybe you could try to change that?
It also feels like you are telling this to us instead of showing. The art of haiku is in fact that the writer tries to show the reader a particular moment in time he saw a beautiful image...
Personification and metaphors aren't used in haiku neither, for your write here, it is impossible that the river thanks the rainstorm - there's no gesture the river can show that, and no way that the river would say that
It's also not necessairy to use capital letters in a haiku, because you're putting shards of sentences in there
overall, you did quite good for your first attempt
thank you for entering the contest
-
Now, this is really a creative working. I like the river thanking the rain, bery smooth and well done
-
wow, that's really great... don't know what else to say
good luck in the contest and keep it up!
littleann
-
dear alanis morisette (you seem to like this singer very much ),
what a powerful and inspirational haiku !!!
I am speechless.
this is a really wonderful poem you have written here.
a deadly rainstorm ... saving from death ... what a thoughtful and contrasting image you have used here, just amazing.
keep on writing, gifted poet, keep on writing ...
marion
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
2 old applause
