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Distant Melodies

In the night, I fall upon my pillowcase
And dream of instead falling into your arms.
While your fingers, on my cheek trace
Protective circles, keeping me from harm.
In these wandrings I have found
A safe haven that has become my home.
I no longer am by my inhibitions bound,
And through these thoughts I am free to roam.
But surely enough, the dawn still breaks;
I'm left clinging to the night before.
When the world around me seems to quake
You hold me steady inside my core.

These dreams are nothing but girlish fantasies.
But you are my choir of distant melodies.

Author notes

Okay, this was my first attempt at a sonnet.

I'm relatively happy with it, other than the few adjustments I'm too lazy to make.

I hope you enjoy, constructive criticism is very welcome.



allpoetry.com/Column/1696197 << English (Shakespearean) sonnet form.



Option 1: The Ceiling Could Use Paint
Written June 26th, 2006

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Ms.Daydream
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a beautiful poem! I think your first attempt at a sonnet was brilliant. I liked the flow and the imagery was just beautiful. Great rhyming too. You really deserve being in the finalists!
    Good luck in the contest! =D


  • Symphony
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't even notice that this was a sonnet because I was so captivated in reading the poem itself

    I could really identify with this one, having one particular person in mind - you could have written it about me.

    Not only that, but I loved the ending, "girlish fantasies" - as so many girls will say, ah yes I remember a time of my life when I used to daydream at night, and fall asleep picturing myself in a scenario with that person... etc!

    Very well written, I loved it! Thanks for entering


    • The.Stars.Go.Blue
      February 12
      Edit | Reply
      I appreciate your comment a lot, considering this was my first [and last, lol] attempt at writing a sonnet. And I can't believe I wrote this so long ago! Thanks again.


  • FlipperSwitch
    November 20, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Well written

    For a first attempt at a sonnet especially this poem shows great thought and feeling. I have never written a sonnet myself- but you've done a really beautiful job here. I can feel your love and longing. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful I thought this was a great write


  • xsaveyourherox
    August 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i really enjoyed this a lot. the flow was beautiful and the emotion behind the words was raw. it's got a truth for everyone because i know just about every girl has laid and dreamt of someone they wished they could have or already do have. thanks for entering it. good luck in the contest -<3 skooter-


  • The.Stars.Go.Blue
    August 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. You're so nice. Lol.
    I'm glad you at least halfway enjoyed this one.


  • ISheHer
    August 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    het koodos to you ive never even attempted a sonnet, you have to try everything at leaste once, besides i like it anyways, but im no sonnet master!


  • magdelene
    July 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I kind of enjoyed this actually.


  • Saint Gut-Free
    June 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Gah..... You had me from the first two lines. This really is such a gripping piece, Ashleigh. Your imagery is so beautiful; your comparisons and analogies are mind blowing.... Bleh. I know you've done well when I'm not even able to critique properly. This is so beautiful, it really is.
    Love it.
    And Love you.
    &hearts


  • angelli803
    June 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful... I love the rhythmic flow and in my opinion, it is a very lovely "sonnet"
    Well done!

1 - 11 of 11