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Did I Kill My Father

I’m pretty sure
My Dad had shell shock
From WWII.

All the signs were there.
The flashbacks,
The social isolation,
The physical isolation...
Way out in the country....

So he could apply
HIS brand of dictatorship,
Upon our tender skin.

He could hide
His anger,
In our misbehavior,
With bullshit about corporal punishment.
The public humiliation....
Of having to
Expose my
Self.
His belt went SLAP, SLAP, SLAP.

I didn’t bruise
Right away....
And my skirt
Covered
The outward aftermath.
The inner ones;
The scars......

So THAT day,
That he spouted off
At the TV .....
Some talk show
discussing .....
“The secretive behavior of teenage rape victims”.
He was raging at their stupidity;
Debating with much certainty,
That the girls would
NOT hide what happened...

It was 20 years;
It was a day.
I "SLAPPED" him back:
“Did it ever occur to you that she might be afraid?”
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP
Apparently he needed to have
A living spokesperson........

Not realizing
How he had tried hiding
Me....us, all those years,
From that very thing.
To protect us,
To survive
Within his framework
Of possibilities.

I don’t know
If that little girl,
Who he spoiled so,
Could have dealt
A mortal blow.

He didn’t die that day.....
I suppose some piece
Of his spirit did.
The stubborn one
That survived the war.
His interests moved, though,
To spoiling the grand children
Especially Geneva
Who was the very one
I defended
From his belt.

THAT day....
He said
He used to use it,
Instead of his hand,
In fear he’d break a bone (Ours? His?)
In his anger.

What part of ME died?
THAT day
She was a toddler.
I SLAPPED her on the face.
After begging with her......
“Please baby,
Mommy doesn’t want to have to...”
For the 20th time....
She was saying
“Fucking Asshole” repeatedly....
Like I did,
Driving furiously through traffic...

I worried....
I had killed her spirit,
Until...

When she was 9 or so...
She rearranged the word CRAP
Into CARP
And started applying
The exclamation
With enthusiasm....
Unsure of
The consequences;
Trying to jolly me
Out of MY stubbornness...

When she was 6
And told me
I sounded “ferocious“

And she says she is NOT a poet....
Like my Dad was.....
When I was 6
In the war..........

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • David J Martin gold member
    December 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    Really good... lots of powerful emotion evident in your writing. I really enjoyed it. I can't see how it has been inspired by Roald Dahl, but I'm sure it will be well received in the other contests you have entered, as it is sure to make people 'feel' and say wow. Good luck.

    Drayton.


  • bloved
    December 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is pretty good....I love the emotion behind it...and how ever stanza become more powerful and powerful...as you/character gains more strength.

    The progression is beautiful...and the story is sad...but strong...!

    thanks for entering..and good luck


  • weebabycole
    October 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    think its really good xx


  • Angel Of Heaven99
    September 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    I really like this poem. I'm sorry to have to remove it from my contest, I asked for no swearing as a rule. But this is an excellent poem in the form of a story. I enjoyed reading it and I thank you very much for sharing this with me. Again, I am sorry to have to remove it. Many HUGS!

  • Angel Falls
    July 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    So sad... So touching, so much pain.
    But well written.

    Angel x


  • ChiyoKaya
    July 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love this one! It deals with so much emotion! I love the progression through time too! Thanks for entering it and this was a great write!


  • walkingstick98
    July 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this...Like Master-of-shadow said I got a lil lost in it for a little bit but the message in the story demanded my attention throughout the entire piece...I really liked it I mean really liked it...good luck in the contest


  • master-of-shadow
    June 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very powerful expressive piece. It is all the more powerful to me as it deals eith one of my greatest fears - becoming like my father. It is very well written, though confusing in places and holds the reader well throughout


  • Satellite
    June 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing. i can't even....wow. what a sad story.
    i think a lot of people's worst fear is that they'll become their parents. the best we can do is try to learn from their mistakes, and from our own.
    excellent write, darling.
    solomynne-aka satellite.

1 - 10 of 10