You were too late that day
You've never forgiven yourself
You'll certainly never forget
You've been trying to pull yourself together
You keep trying to move on
You're dreams have been tainted
You're life's full of lies
You're more dead than alive
You want an end
You need an end
You need salvation
You know how to get it
You've know all along
Are you really ready
For you to be gone
Author notes
Written June 27th, 2006
A contest entry
- 2nd person pronoun by andsparksflyup.
600 points, ended July 2, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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a suicide poem I gather. I like that you chose a touchy subject area but I think your choice of words/phrases throughout your poem were very general, with the exception of the first line or two.
if you are going to delve into another person's mind, or even your own, though represented by another person, their thoughts should be individualized, emotional, intense, etc. ect.
I enjoyed your poem and near the end I felt some of the emotion, I really did, it was just missing that "something more".
much luck and thanks for entering
KissTheSky
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