Final Sentencing

She is immortalized in my mind in one still painfully poignant and haunting memory everything else over our two and a half years is a blur of emotions -highs and lows- like smudges of color in my mind.  She would come over early, i would still be asleep or at least feigning sleep, but she would come in to my room on cold days and use an endearing term like "lazy" to greet me.  
the image:  her slowly opening the door, visibly cold, and dressed for the weather.  she always pretended to expect me to be up and she wore her surprise at my underdressed morning state in the awkward grace that her face always held.  The mattress that held my partially covered and barely dressed body was sitting alone in the opposite corner of the entrance.  I was sitting up smiling stupidly at her (fed by her endearing insults) fully aware of my partial nudity, dissheveled hair, and the playful reproach about the be formed on her lips.

I never knew that perfection like this existed.

If the memory was to continue she would walk over to my bed and -abandoning grace- help me up with her elegant hands -hands that only memory could make diaphonous- and, after insisting that i wear clothes, she would lead me out of my room into the smudges of mostly bright colors that are now our relationship.  I assume she'll haunt me forever in this mostly vague, intangible, and colorful way, polluting my art and wailing over some heresie at its heart.


Some other solid memories should be noted:

An incident involving a kitchen, smudges of color traced onto my forearm, and the culmination of our first year.

a christmas gift.

chinese food and hatred.

three entire hidden notebooks of deification, theolatry, and poetry.

and the image of her sad car in an old parking lot with the imaginary girl inside debating the pros and cons of her neurosis, before leaving empty handed.  the shades of this memory are of a darker variety, but no less haunting.