the lilacs danced near brick paint walls
in a plaster of pretend masonry
camouflage and disillusionment
wrapped into a lifetime of
coulda-woulda-shoulda
paid in installments of agony and aching heart
lost in woods of worldly wash out
and want to be better than yous
the preachers-teachers-automatic speechers
whose finger pointing magic
produce mediocre and misery
seems everyone is convinced of your salvation
when they think you are cool enough
to fit the nice tight cast
that suffocates the life from you
they love you when you're dying
if you have the proper disease and
only ask appropriate questions
deep roots not always a girl's best friend
when it's time to migrate or grow a mind of her own
everybody wants to be a rose
like diamonds are forever even though
polished quartz is lovely as any other gem
under the deep mauve sky
she wept from inner sanctum in howling harmonies
drowned out the social noise stuffed in her ears
screams in symphony of primal and brokenness
words uttered in mud of tears and dust
was she truly clay
or just grayed out silly putty stand for nothing
soak up the print of cartoons
press the color out and
fit the mold-fit the mold-fit the mold
it was near midnight black
when her voice found it's reason
-what do You want from me-
in cries only sung from lips of disaster victims
the answer in small voice
bold-clear-gentle
sliced through every
clank-whoosh-roar of mind manipulation
to permeate her soul in a whisper of
rely absolutely on Me
with that the rains came to demolish the drought
in illustrious lightning show's approach from the southeast
the newspapers even wrote about it
so rare a storm to come from that direction
but perfect in timing to lift a lost child
from dismal devastation to
communion with her Savior.
Author notes
my darkest moment-my brightest hope
APTP 4 Entry
Prompt was the color mauve. Mauve was the first synthetic dye ever made. Deep mauve appears nearly black.
Written June 26th, 2006
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1 - 34 of 34
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I LOVE SILLY PUTTY!!!!! Anyway, on a serious note, this is a really good poem. I loved the imagery and it was such an easy read. I really enjoyed it.
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amazing
deep roots not always a girl's best friend
when it's time to migrate or grow a mind of her own
everybody wants to be a rose
like diamonds are forever even though
polished quartz is lovely as any other gem
i like this stanzaq the best. this whole peom is stunning and leaves me speechless. i love it. -
Whoa! This is really amazing work done here. I like the detials and describition of the place. So creativly done. My favorite lines are:
like diamonds are forever even though
polished quartz is lovely as any other gem
They are just so beatiful spoken. -
this is definitely excellent and thought provoking.
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Your imagery and alliteration were awesome. It began to feel almost like a story. Very nicely done, and well written, just wonderful. I love it all it's one of my favorites. You have a lot to offer. Keep up the good work.
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Oo, thanks. You are right, it should be -to permeate- Thanks for catching it. Lol, it might have taken me a year or so to notice
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I am too tired to properly critique this poem. I will come back later and give a full review. The poem begs to be read several times anyway, it will serve me well to come back to it. It seems like what my husband and I are talking about real art vs. the artificial; people who are just arrogant. Perhaps I'm way off - I'm tired. I did find one possible mistake in tense here, "to permeated her soul in a whisper of" Was it meant to be "to permeate?" or just "permeated?" sorry if I'm just not reading it right.
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i did not think that the poem needed a gender. i wanted it to have a more freeing view, like the first four verses (which were absolutely super
.
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I absolutely loved the bits of alliteration in the beginning, "wrapped into a lifetime of coulda-woulda-shoulda" and "and want to be better than yous the preachers-teachers-automatic speechers," among others, those was really clever. It almost sounded like a poetry slam piece for those few stanzas. Every word provoked a new thought, and as it went on it began to feel almsot like a story; as if the author was the character and the reader was watching them change... which I suppose we were. This was all out of the color mauve? Incredible job, thanks for sharing.
God bless, Rose -
perfection!!!
This is absolute genius! I LOVE IT! Very, very well written. Your imagery was awesome but your phrasing! I love the quick snap to your wording, it gave an urgency. I love the message within as well. PERFECTION. Blessings! Tammy -
Well done and thank you for sharing. I think you did an outstanding job on this poem. Another magnificent poem to your collection. This is a great poem. I love it all... the poem, the background, the topic....it's all great. there is a depth and undertone to this that goes and flows excellently. keep writing......you have a lot to offer. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways. You rock....
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love the color and love the poem,
very nicely done, well written,
very enjoyable just wonderful to read.
thanks for sharing. -
with that the rains came to demolish the drought
in illustrious lightning show's approach from the southeast
the newspapers even wrote about it
so rare a storm to come from that direction
but perfect in timing to lift a lost child
from dismal devastation to
communion with her Savior.
Every word of this work is very deep and thought provoking bringing the truth of life just on the surface of the muse as well...A GREAT WORK INDED..
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Wow! I love it! You did a great job! All this from a color mauve? How creative you are! I like how you take your time to paint the scene. To show how it is and how it feels in little parts at a time. And then when you get to the end we see her moment. That's really great. I think that you did a good job of expressing yourself here. So thanks for featuring this so that we all got to share your words and feelings with you!
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I'm sorry i didn't read the whole thing (you have permission to scold me) but until now i never realized how nice mauve sunsets or sunrises are. I like to consider myself to be a citygirl so idk. This title just makes me happy somehow. It reminds me of sitting on my deck in Newport beach. Thanks for the good read...
Madison -
excellent poem
Such a creative and amazing write, the flow and the content are excellent. I really loved this piece. What an work of art. Just wonderful
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The color mauve is beautiful. One of my favorites actually. You have penned a wonderful piece here showing some very interesting aspect of such a color. So many so that most people would not normally have thought of nor related it to. Your have breathed life into a simple color and that is not an easy task. Bravo!
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Woww !!!
that was amazing!
very well written
and well penned
Di
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A color purple
Just an observation on this one, since this is a double-blind critique. You were in the middle of this poem, as one is often in the middle of a storm. I think the length was mandatory. Thanks. With Respect, Imkleyurflesh.
(I am clay you are flesh) -
How could I not join in with everyone applauding this?
I figured I'd return the favor and I'm glad I did. Excellent poem, dear Thistle! Great imagery and descriptive words... an amazing poem all around. 
Keep it up!
--Tim -
a bit long, but a nice piece.
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Wonderful!!!!!
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Wonderful imagry!!! I really enjoyed reading it. my favorit lines
"everybody wants to be a rose
like diamonds are forever even though
polished quartz is lovely as any other gem"
It really spoke to me. I enjoyed reading this a lot!!! -
A winner.
I must say that you have totally and completely created a masterpiece. I definetly found a lot to like and applaud about t his. So I will. -
great imagery tell of storm coming on wonderfully written
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The word play you've taken on here is quite memorable. I think you've done the best job yet, Wynette (comparing you to yourself.) It's, in my opinion, your strongest write so far exhibited in this competition.
I also like the story and direction you took this. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it was a pleasant surprise to say the least.
Blessings to you,
J -
I really like this.
the preachers-teachers-automatic speechers
whose finger pointing magic
produce mediocre and misery
I loved those lines. They're really great.
-Chase -
Beautiful my sister..anyone that has ever seen a Texas sky when a storm is coming, knows exactly what you describe here. Well Done and quite beautiful.
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I extermelylove the namew of this poem. Kind of long whhich I do not really like but it works with this poem. I love the viusials yopu can get from this. My favorite line its the whole
"rely absolutely on Me"
I really like how you made Me captizlied to show chase the point. IVery well done.
kelly lin
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hmm... let me show you this:
and now, let me tell you something: ohmygosh
at last, let me show you something: www.wxdu.duke.edu/~lisa/images/poo.gif
--> that's so completely what we'll be doing soon
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Well put my friend.. very well penned indeed! I loved this! I wish you the very best
Mel
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I have come to admire your work lately and this one made me think a bit...I have read it twice now and I'm sure I will read it again. The tenses you used is what caught my attention, along with the alliteration and various wordplays. I also like the lack of punctuation as it seems to be a spontaneous flow of emotion. I wondered about this color as it hasn't been around that long, what memory you would conect with it. Also, I am in Texas on vacation and I see the mauve in the sunsets and sunrises, I have been taking pics for paintings in the near future.
best wishes this week
Peace Muddy -
This was just fabulously done - seriously This, I am in awe. Brilliant. (I love when I am wordless!)
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darn it, looks like I have some competition.
This was a heck of a lot longer than my poem, but I think you did a good job. I wish I had solid backgrounds, then I could make my emerald poem look good. Right now, I have some lame-o background.
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