There, in his hand, stirred the baby -
- bird; mouth open to noise and light
Head wobbling back and forth; big-black
eyes under pink-flaps of skin
I did not know then
when I would bury it, only why.
The moon (I thought)
what a satellite; bet it's hollow
and driven by some wicked demon
A thing that watches -- out of need -
- for control, so old, even gods
know better than to ask questions.
But children have no such luck.
Out on the highway; I witnessed fire
consume mountain, house, animal, car.
Oh what a glow! And still,
after having observed such chaos
asked for Smores upon arrival
at the strangely lit crater.
Imagination, what will you do next?
But prepare the mad for clarification,
and the unholy for sainthood
What ridiculous feature can we hope
to pry out of this infinity
of (e)motion and matter(s).
Hung from Indian pole, sundanced
and dragging skulls in atonement
Take me, before my children,
and I will serve this universe best.
Author notes
Written June 24th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- A Contest for a Poem with Four Judges Judging by cvillelisa.
300 points, ended July 16, 2006, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I was looking through my bookmarks, thinking I might remove a few of them. And when I came to this one I decided to read it again... for about the dozenth time.
It always amazes me, Jeremi, when I reread something and seem to get more from it than before, sometimes a whole new interpretation. I fell in love with this poem the first time I read it.... and I still feel that passion as I read it this time.
But this time there's something else, a true appreciation of how you can put into words what seems to come from the depths of your soul, your heart.
I doubt if this piece will ever come off my favorites
Dee
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Imagine, if it made you smile, wryly...
It must have made me cackle nude and smear shit on the parking police. -
This poem is superb but quite frankly this is worth the price of admission for this little gem from the judging panel…
cvillelisa - I've always liked your poems. So you have somewhat of an unfair advantage with me. I'm only one of four.
Darkk - Well you were at a disadvantage with me so that sort of evens your advantage with Lisa. And I tried to find a better poem than this one, I really did. But it didn't happen. This is superb.
As for the piece itself, it is wonderfully constructed, intelligently told and quite frankly an object lesson in how one gets the reader emotionally involved. Knowing des she probably would have been hoping and praying for a better piece than this but as it is one of the best pieces I’ve read in a while, I can see why she simply resigned herself to the fact she wasn’t going to be reading better than this.
The image her realising that brings a wry smile to my lips!
David
Edited on Aug 10, 6:57 p.m. because ''. -
Your candor and honesty is never taken lightly, rest assured.
thanks. -
Well you were at a disadvantage with me so that sort of evens your advantage with Lisa. And I tried to find a better poem than this one, I really did. But it didn't happen. This is superb.
Desiree -
I've always liked your poems. So you have somewhat of an unfair advantage with me. I'm only one of four. But this is good -- probably because one of the only things I'm really afraid of, something I don't even like to let cross my lips - is losing a child. Probably because I know about your Hawaii experiences.
Also baby birds are a sorrow spot for me. I've lost too many attempting rescue and they are so god dammed helpless and I can't ever fucking save them. And wind up burying them in little boxes. The wild ones that is. I did hand raise a few parrots.
Anyway enough about me.
Thanks for writing for this. I'm sorry I'm so fucking late. Libra, can't make decisions to save their lives -- always attempting to balance you know.
Hope you the Music and the Family are well.
Lisa
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Actually, I wrote the whole thing. It's the contest that's a collaboration, not the poem.
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This is so very different than what I am used to reading by you. I noticed you collaborated with some others on this piece. As I read this I wonder what was contributed by whom. I think I see pieces of you in this, but that would be like saying I know you. And as much as would like to, know you that is, I don't. Interesting piece though I prefer you harder stuff. As always, I do enjoy your writing. I hope you don't mind my honesty, lord knows I couldn't write anywhere near as well as you.
Anna
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one day!
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Last stanza supernova
Honed - thats all I'm saying -
I think this is one of your very best poems, Jeremi. It has depth, and is very unique in it's content. I can feel the imagination running with the images spent here, the minds of man and child nearly alike in their perception, yet still with different outlooks, each sensitive in their own way.
I definitly love this piece, Jeremi, it's headed straight for my bookmarks
Gotta love ya
Dee
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i like it a lot.
the words were inspiring. and the backdrop fit in perfectly.
i also loved the ending. "and i will serve the universe best"
keep up the good work
and i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
-Meleah
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Not yet, but the day's early.
-
yay!
This is a very profound piece. I love the way you use punctuation and spacing to really drive home your message. Thanks so much for sharing and please keep writing! -
brilliant. are you on drugs?
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I found this very thought provoking...It really made you think about things in our own life.
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I haven't liked anything you have written for a while. This is different. I like this - it says something important, to me personally. Have a clap. Barbie. Xx
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nice background. the poem was good too.
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one of your finest-
mary -
Very nice Jeremi... strong and simple images bound together with your love and compassion for your family
Since Rick has been so ill of late and we've had to face the mortality issue thing, my love for Beth and her amzing ability to grow and face such hard times, just grows and grows..
I hope those two boys of yours realise just what a special dad they've got
A lovely piece my friend
~GILL~x -
Wow this is deep
and thought provoking.
Very well written.
Then ending is so
powerful.
Great writing.
Thank you for sharing.
Good luck in the contest.
Jeannie D Hunter
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