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Forgiveness, Healing and Scars

Forgiveness requires time,
Healing occurs softly,
Scars remain as delicate reminders;
distant memories of what was before.

 


Dad, you have been on my mind so much lately. I wonder where you are and if you love me. I hope that you find forgiveness for yourself before you die and I pray that God is merciful. I want to see you so badly... want to look into your eyes one last time Dad and just see inside. I love you.

I just want you to know that I forgive, I am healed though the scars remain...


Forgiving you is where healing started. I made the choice to forgive you many years ago and sometimes daily make it once again. It is an ongoing thing for me... but since I have been forgiven by my Heavenly Father for so very much, I have no right to with-hold it from you. I therefore grant it freely. No dad, you do not deserve to be forgiven but then again, I didn't deserve God's forgiveness either... yet He gave it freely just as I grant mine to you. I guess that's what grace is... forgiveness though not deserved. I forgive you for everything dad...


God has taken all the pain away, I am healed. The bitterness and hate I once felt has been given to God, it is gone. It was nailed to a cross many years ago, so that I could put it down and find perfect and whole healing. Your actions no longer affect my life, I have broken free from the chains that bound me for most of my life. I can now move on... I was dead yet now I live. Healed ever so softly by a loving and gracious Father...


Scars remain and always will yet they are a delicate reminder of what God has done in my life. I am thankful for the scars Dad for they point to God every time I notice them within. Dad, the things you have done disfigured me, my heart and my very soul... for a long time these same scars haunted my thoughts, dreams, desires and hopes but just as with any scar, there is no more pain when they are touched...


Dad, I want you to know that I can go on with my life and I have put your abuse behind me. It no longer haunts or controls me. I won't pretend to understand how or why you could molest your own flesh and blood. It is simply beyond my imagination. I am happy dad despite all that you did. You can no longer hurt me for I have overcome...


Distant memories are no longer a plague. Know that when I re-visit my childhood, it no longer hurts. It took me so long to overcome the things you did but I also learned how to survive because of the things I suffered at your hand. In the end dad, it is I who wins... but I think the thought that torments me most is the thought of you not seeking God's forgiveness for the things you have done... I pray that you might know Him before you fade from this life... I love you dad and I want you to know that I have moved on, I forgive you...


To just see you once more... and tell you that I love you... before you go.


Your daughter,

 

Melissa

Author notes

Today, I rode around a little, did a little thinking about the things my dad did when I was a very young child... I realized some very important things... I realized that I truly have moved on with my life and left the abuse behind... I realized that it is I with the power in this situation...

If you have been abused and carry that abuse around with you, it will affect your entire life. It will control you... unless you simply lay it down...

No, it's not easy... but it is 'do-able'... I know!
Written June 24th, 2006

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1 - 15 of 15

  • Whispering Winds
    December 31, 2006

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    You have done the one thing that so many people just cant do, Forgive. I envy your heart for what you have done. Being able to look past what has happened to you and forgive your father is a step that myself had to take. Forgiving the man that hurt me in a way that I will never forget... but I forgave him. Thank you so much for entering my contest.. Best wishes to you Hun.

    Many Blessings,
    Tammy


    • Molassis
      December 31, 2006
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      thank you Tammy for reading/commenting. It is appreciated. I write about my abuse... yeah, sometimes to deal with it or get it out... but I share it in hopes that it will help others who have been abused.

      My abuse ate my entire life like a cancer... and it wasn't until I realized that I had to forgive my dad for ME... that the healing started. As memories come up though... I find that I have to forgive all over again.

      Blessings to you...

      ~Melissa

  • Molassis
    August 19, 2006
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    Hon... there IS life after abuse... it can be dealt with and can be overcome... is it YOU dear that holds the power in this situation... you can choose to not allow it to affect the rest of your life...

    Yes, it's long and hard... but in the end it IS worth dealing with... I can look back to what I WAS... and honestly say dealing with my dad's molestation of me was one of the best things I could have done....

    I still remember then things that were done... they still hurt at times... but they no longer control what I do! THAT's where the blessing lies...

    Forgiveness dear... is not something you 'feel'. It is an action... it is simply making the decision to NOT hold what they did to you against them... I chose to forgive my dad not even really realizing what 'forgiveness' was... but it was in the initial choice... that I began to learn what it was to fully and truly forgive... and therein is where peace and healing lies... that first step. For me... the first step was praying for my dad... that God would forgive him... that he would forgive himself. It was something as simple as that...

    You will do well in your life because you WANT to deal with it... you have faced what happened to you... and you will face forgiving that person as well... because you are a strong and wonderful person... I can just tell you are...

    God bless you abundantly sweetie... you are fearfully and wonderfully made and loved by the creator Himself... you are His precious jewel...

    ~Melissa


  • Tear-Stained-Heart
    August 19, 2006
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    hey. i don't realy know you but i entered a contest of yours and thought to check out some of your work when i stumbled across this heartfelt piece and to be truly honest i'm glad i did. just recently i let go of the hurt i hid inside myself for many years and told somebody about my abuse. Me only being 15 the person i told had to tell another as it was something they could keep quiet and things began to get bad. i'm in the position now where things are going nowhere i avoid talking about it when somebody brings up the subject i walk away, my mom atarts crying or i start crying i was a strong christian but these last few months have proved many trials and so many times i have tried to forgive the person but it is such a long hard process. after reading this write i am reassured that there is hope and in time my forgivness will be gracefully given and my faith fully restored. i just wrote to thank you for this piece as it is just what my heart needed to know.
    XX Tear XX


  • gullionmar
    July 12, 2006
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    beautifully written wonderful job of writing


  • Frogzter gold member
    June 25, 2006
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    OHG! Sister, this is so very deep and poignant, yet I felt it and understood it so well.... so delicately and exquisitely written, though painful it is! I felt this with you and I must say that forgiving someone is never an easy thing to do, but it is always the right thing to do for our own sakes... for that is when the true healing begins!

    I love the depth of your writing and soul bearing here and well shucks... I just love you in general,... you like uh... my bestest friend gurl~
    Blessings and hugz
    Frog-gurl~


  • Theater Of Dreams
    June 24, 2006
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    Superb...

    Wonderfully written. I am so proud of you. You MUST realize the inspiration that this can create in SO MANY who bear wounds into later life. I myself- like Liz, still carry different scars, AND, I refused to forgive for a LONG TIME!

    You know- I think you are a Teacher, and you don't yet see it?

    All my love;
    ♥


  • ma belle
    June 24, 2006
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    Dearest Melissa, Writing a letter can be most healthy for soul's release, to express all the inner conflicts and hauntings in our heart, but even healthier is your decision to forgive--to do it with such grace and resolute. Having to forgive someone of a crime such as this is beyond my mortal mind, darling, but I know we must forgive to receive forgivenss; this is not optional. You are a beautiful, open blossom of God's love bathed in the richest perfume of His grace--scars and all. I continue to stand before you in awe. The burden you carry for your father is what real love is all about. You make loving seem so easy. Belle


  • noble1
    June 24, 2006
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    Thank you Lord for bringing Melissa to this place of forgiveness and being able to share it with others! You alone are worthy of receiving all the praise and glory for this situation! I am thankful to know such a wonderful sister, in Melissa, and that she can impart her healing and The Healer of all to those who will care to listen! Thank you Jesus!!!

    Melissa, I'm glad you have written this and not only have forgiven your father but can pray that he would receive the love and forgiveness you have found in Jesus! Love you lots!!
    Noble1

  • Molassis
    June 24, 2006
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    Thanks sweet sister... your comment means more to me than I can voice... unfortunately my story isn't unique... there are SO many who have gone through what I have or even worse things... bless their hearts... they still carry it around with them... oh how I hope they learn to lay it down...

    You've got it... it was the Lord... for if left up to me, I would still harbor hate... had He not led me to deal with my childhood... well... there's no telling where I'd be or what I'd be doing... it's all God... truly. I am thankful to Him... so very thankful.

    I love you Shelley... you are the sweetest person... simply precious to me. Thanks for being you Shelley! I love ya dearest! ~Melissa


  • ShelleyA gold member
    June 24, 2006
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    Oh Melissa. This is such a beautiful piece and it touches my heart. It is a wonderful thing to see faith in action. Love and forgiveness is a powerful thing. You went through a terrible experience done to you by someone who should have been your proctector, instead he was a predator. The Lord has taken your pain and healed you. His love, mercy and forgiveness an example to you and all of us on what it really means to forgive. This is a lovely testimony of victory. I love you dearest sister. Shelley

  • Molassis
    June 24, 2006
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    Kevin, no tears, please... not for me anyway... let those tears flow for others who allow abuse to eat them like cancer... and as you weep... pray for them... ok? God has given me a soft flowing peace that comforts and surpasses any emotioinal pain I have ever suffered!

    Thanks for commenting dear... God bless you!

    ~Melissa


  • Puppydog gold member
    June 24, 2006
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    AWESOME!

    This is awesome(as the tears lay on my cheeks). You have indeed found the true way to happiness, the best of luck in the future my dear Melissa.

  • Molassis
    June 24, 2006
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    Liz, let me be honest... it takes years to deal with abuse of any kind... God works slowly when He could just 'snap His fingers'... I think the reason for that is because a 'fast work' is not necessarily a good work... things are overlooked.

    Think about building a house... if you build one incredibly fast, it's most likely not built well... it will collapse and fall when the storms come... stresses are created in the wood if it's not done just right and it takes little to nothing for it to crumble...

    Therefore, in my opinion, God takes His time when helping us to overcome abuse... for He wants to make a right and strong person... and we just couldn't emotionally withstand if we were to deal with it ALL quickly... we would crumble.

    Any wound leaves a scar Liz... that will remain for all time and never go away... but if properly dealt with... can be overlooked just as a scar that disfigures the physical body... Abuse of any kind creates a wound that will eventually heal... leaving an emotional scar.

    Liz dearest... I started actually dealing with my abuse when I was around 29 or 30... it took, my goodness, 8 years before I could consider myself as victorious... but now I can look back, remember and truly voice with all that I am... 'I have forgiven, I am healed, I have scars but I have overcome through Christ'!

    I'm sorry... I didn't mean to ramble... I was up until 0230 writing this... and woke up with every intention of getting here to delete it... I didn't think it made any sense when I first posted it... so thank you for your comment... I know I need to leave it up now... and hope that it helps others... if I knew where my dad was, I would have mailed it to him...

    I love you Liz, God bless you dear... I pray you deal with your abuse fully so that you may have a full life! Healing will come Liz but it very well may be painful... but know that the hurt and pain does end! ~Melissa

    Edited on Jun 24, 10:22 p.m. because ''.


  • Forms of Me
    June 24, 2006
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    Melissa, as I read this ..I had definite cold chills. God Bless you beautiful lady for your expression of forgiving faithfulness. I was never sexually abused..but emotionally, mentally and physically abused...and I am 32 just now am I starting to get past all of the pain and resentment. I forgave my parents a few years ago..but not until recently with God's help have I truly let things go and sought therapy to get completely past it all.

    God has also sent some wonderul friends into my life who have truly made a difference in my life and understanding...you are most certainly one of them. I hold you all so close to my heart for without you this journey would be so much harder.

    God bless you Melissa,
    Love you,
    Liz

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