where is it this thing this emotion
you tell me i must find?
i've looked
but i see it no where
you told me where to look
but it seems there is no ounce
of luck for me to find it
oh well,
soon i know i will stumble upon
this 'emotion' you told me i needed
which i doubt i do need
i seem to forget the
thing you told me.
love?
yes it is love,
i found it,
you were right
i needed it,
long before you told me i needed it
i found it,
but i kept it to myself
since you see
i fell in love with you,
my friend,
but i couldn't find
it in my soul to tell you since
i couldn't live without you
being there
even if i needed to keep
my secret till the end.
Author notes
try to never fall for your friend but if it happens. make sure they are really your friend.
Written June 23rd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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i really do appreciate every word you wrote me i really do ill change that word and find a suitble one to replace it...ya for some reason i like to end poems with a rhyme and ever since i was little my teachers said that everything i wrote you had to think about or you wouldnt get it alot of times i write things with subliminal messages that only i really know about i like making people think...i dont like everything being the same which would account for the sudden change in the end i like to change the way i write with the change of emotion i like making peoples minds move to grasp the change or think about what they read...i plan on canging it a little bit because of the fact i wrote it at 4a.m. and because of you i have noticed a few things that can be changed and made better so i hope you will enjoy the new version it wont change much just a few words and phrases to make it a little better.!
thank you for your comment just the fact that you sat there and showed me alot about it and gave me a few pointers shows me that you werent just one of those people who just skims through poems.!
thank you again and i think so far this is my favorite contest to enter.!
steph -
A good message, and a fate of which all should be wary.
As a standalone poem, this lacks a few things. It seems to be meandering quite a bit. What may seem a twist to you appears to a reader to be a sudden change of direction in the poem. It begins very freeflowing, no definite shape to the lines and describing the situation as it wants to be described. But as the emotion changes, so does the format - the lines seem to be of very similar lengths and begin to take a more definite form, as well as beginning to rhyme (but still no clear reason for line breaks).
I don't know if this was intentional or not (I often slip into metred rhyme when writing in free verse), but it is distracting from the message of the poem.
Also, the vocabulary seems limited. I know, you're not using the letter a at all, which is very difficult and Limiting - but there are some words that I was surprised not to have seen - namely "emotion." The word "thing" has been a dead word for centuries, and while I can see its value sometimes and even at the beginning of this poem (I love the play on words in your title, by the way)... it just gets a bit too much in the end.
The background you have picked is very evocative of this piece, very fitting to its theme.
I can very well identify with the sentiments here also - though I have never been through it myself, romance between friends is so confusing and complicated and Hard... that it often destroys friendships. But then, keeping it to oneself and never telling the other friend... well that can destroy lives. I have some very good friends that fall in love with people who are too close to end in breakup but somehow too far away to touch, and it's very sad to see how they have to deal with it. And this is Love! Isn't it supposed to be a good thing?
Though I think you've had some trouble deciding on your point, you've made me think about the confusions associated with friendships vs. romantic relationships, and I always love being made to think.
The word "meant" however is spelled the way I spelled it, and that could screw you up for this contest... You can fix it if you want
(Second to last line). I'll try to not end the contest for another couple of days to give you some time, if you want.
In any case, thank you for rising to the challenge and entering my contest, almost no one was willing to even try and I'm glad you did (and gave me something to read/write about in the process)
- Paz
Edited on Jul 11, 7:43 p.m. because 'It was unfinished before. & OMG you have an A!'. -
the a i thought it would be just as hard as e and i figured everybody would pick e and i like being different
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which letter did you omit?
---oh I see, letter a, got it.
Edited on Jun 24, 4:49 p.m. because ''.
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