We'd hang around just doing childrens stuff-
like scrumping crab apples
and rooting through rubbish.
Nothing really found just bits of bric-a-brac-
like broken tonka trucks
and rusty old metal.
We loved being out getting dirty-
'til we got home
and then our lives were made hell.
The grey/white block of townfoot flats above-
they seemed so tall
you couldn't get any higher.
Screaming down to come in was my mother-
we'd stand and wait for her to go
then we'd scarper.
To the woods or the hills by the round house-
we'd laugh until
we couldn't breathe very well.
These distant memories keep flooding back-
I feel i'm drowning
in a wave of nostalgia.
For they keep rushing back to remind me-
of how i used to think
but don't any longer.
I'm running on the spot-
just treading stale water.
Author notes
Written June 22nd, 2006 option 4
A contest entry
- Options for everyone! (prewrites also allowed) by anoetic poet.
450 points, ended April 25, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories by Autumn-Blush.
300 points, ended May 15, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best!!! by KnightOfTheRose.
425 points, ended May 25, 2007, 135 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Think You Can Win? by Nam.
1700 points, ended May 23, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Children Or Your Childhood by JeannieD Hunter.
450 points, ended May 23, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Childhood... (: by miles of smiles.
335 points, ended June 10, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thanks For The Memories by broken-colours.
500 points, ended July 1, 2007, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring me into your mind! by freedomnessa.
525 points, ended October 13, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win a Trophy? by Nam.
1750 points, ended October 18, 2007, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Good times by Rashae.
525 points, ended March 14, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bittersweet by Emmyb.
730 points, ended March 22, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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good work. have very much enjoyed reading this poem.
For they keep rushing back to remind me
of how i used to think
but dont any longer
i really liked that phrase, i read it twice just to soak it up
well done
Emmy -
I enjoyed the imagery, thanks for entering!
-
"To the woods or the hills by the round house-" - going with the line above this, I feel "To" doesn't work here. It reads as if an enjambment of the previous line (or as it could be) and I feel it would work better if it was removed, and just started with "The".
I like the use of "scarper", there are certain words that aren't very easy to use in poems but some can be used rightly so.
A lovely piece that you have written here.
-
very good
very great write i feel as though it is incomplete though.. amazing as it is in my mind it just doesnt end.. it feels like it should go on for a bit.. but thats just me... great write and thank you for entering -
Marvelous! this left me simply speechless. Such a story you've told. Thanks so much for entering & good luck
-
I love this- great imagery. I really enjoyed this poem I will definitely add you to my finalists list. Great job. I loved this (sorry I can't say it enough!)
-S -
Wonderful imagery you have created. You brought those days to life. Very well done. Thanks for this entry and good luck.
Jeannie
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alot of work put in this, thank you for the entry.
-
Colourful, vibrant images flit through my head as I read this... The last two lines
"I'm running on the spot-
just treading stale water." sum up the idea very well.
Thank you for entering the contest and good luck! -
This is a wonderful piece. The imagery is well done. I really like the last two lines. Very creative. Well done. Thank you for entering my contest.
-
This is...
... done well. I really like this poem. It has a very nice flow and brings back a lot of memories. I realy loved your poem. Unfortunately I have to disqualify it because it is older than November 1st, 2006. I apologize but this is means of disqualification. Thanks for entering anyways..
Kassie
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This is really wonderfully done. Memories of childhood when life seemed so much simpler with so much less responsibility. Aren't there some days when we'd all like to be children again?
Beautiful piece. -
Nevermind, I know EXACTLY what scarper is! You did a good job at making this poem child like. In a good way though. It's got a steady flow, it's honest and out there.
"To the woods or the hills by the round house-
we'd laugh until
we couldn't breathe very well.
These distant memories keep flooding back-
i feel i'm drowning
in a wave of nostalgia,"
As a reader, I knew exactly what this was about which allowed me to fully appreciate it.
Well done and good luck!
xAx
-
thanks very much,
floorboards. -
I liked the tone of the poem, I can't really explain, it just gave me a good feeling. Not a bad piece of poetry here.
-
thank you very much,
floorboards. -
And what a lovely wave of nostalgia you have portrayed! It brought back happy memories of scrumping apples(still my favourite fruit) and playing on a local bomb site, getting absolutely filthy. Well done, a most enjoyable read.
Ann -
thank you very much for your fantastic comments,
very much appreciated,
floorboards. -
thank you very much for your wonderful comment,scarper must be a scottish word i think,someone else pointed that one out too,i may just change it to scamper,make it more universal,
thanks again,
floorboards. -
'i feel i'm running on the spot
just treading stale water.'
This is such an excellent part of the poem - it sums it all up doesn't it - a great ending as it ties it all up!!!
I loved the honest descriptions throughout - spoken in simple terms - exactly how a child would!!
Glad I read this!!
Good luck in the contest!!
Sarah Louise Hudson
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Floorboards, this is a cool look back at happy memories of childhood. You use fun images throughout your poem,
Bric-a-Brac
Tonka truck
May I pose one question, please. In this stanza:
“screaming down to come in was my mother
we'd stand and wait for her to go
then we'd scarper”
Did you mean for the word scarper to be scamper?
screaming down to come in was my mother
we'd stand and wait for her to go
then we'd scamper
Best of luck in the contest, I enjoyed this poem a lot.
Susie
-
thank you for reading and commenting,
floorboards. -
Ok, this was an interesting write. It was intriguingly different in a quaint, country kind of way. I had to look up a few of your words, didn't find scrumping anywhere, but did find scarper so it was a little like a vocabulary lesson.
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your absolutely right my friend,that's exactly the way i feel,
thank you very much for your kind words my friend,
alex. -
Superb Alex,i love nostagic stories and this sounded like you had great times my friend.Call me old fashioned but i feel when we were younger you didn't really need much to have a great time whereas today it's all computer games,mobiles and stuff like that.Not the kids fault,it's just technology.Great Write my friend.Kenny
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thank you very much for your honest comment,
very much appreciated,
floorboards. -
This title was a great choice. When you start out with an answer as if Opra just asked you a question it sets the mood right away. Bric-a-brac and broken tonka trucks are great images. I dunno about scarper and yonder where it sounds like you're trying too hard to use those words. Anyway I think this piece belongs in this contest and thank god someone impressed me on this site. Doesn't happen often.
-
heehee,thanks very much my friend!
much appreciated,
alex.
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~waves~ and throws you a line, i think we all have times treading water, ummmmm...i think ive been doin it most of my life, still, one day soon, i could learn to swim.
Very thought provoking hon. jan
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thank you very much my friend!
much appreciated,
alex. -
Hi alex I havent been around for a while coz my computer was bust, but its ok now. I have some catching up to do. I loved this. Its great looking back but sometimes the past seems to creep up on you unawares. I loved it. FABULOUS
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thank you very much for your comment,
'twas very much appreciated,
floorboards. -
this was a really, really awesome poem. i loved the form, and your words had the ability to transport me to a different place. It's really beautiful. best of luck to you in this strange thing called life.
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thank you very much,your comments are very much appreciated,
floorboards. -
Well Done
This is wonderful. I know that feeling, nostalgia, it is so bittersweet, as I can't think of a better word to describe it. I enjoyed your writing style in this poem! Be Peace, Tink
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