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Heroin

It haunts me in my dreams,

And echos when I'm awake.

Complicated tones,

Spitting violence in my face.

Radiate your evil smile,

It makes me feel at home.

Play your tricks on my mind,

In the darkness all alone.



(chorus)

I cry in the night,

And I call your name,

Can you hear me?

I feel your poison,

Running through my veins,

It's like heroin.



Your devastating whisper,

Leaves it's imprint on my soul.

It penetrates my brain,

Refusing to let go.

Your voice will haunt me,

Until my dying day.

If I could hear it one more time,

Then maybe I could stay insane.



(Chorus)

I cry in the night,

And I call your name,

Can you hear me?

I feel your poison,

Running through my veins,

It's like heroin.



Author notes

Option 2
Written June 21st, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 24 of 24
  • SecretMe15
    May 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked it. It's so consuming to the reader. Nice expression for wanting something really bad. What category of music would this be in?


    • Jadestone Doll
      May 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I definatly see this in the dark gothic rock style complete with a magnificent rock ballad guitar solo in the bridge.

  • LaurenLightning--x
    December 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome <3

    Normaly, I hate reading songs.
    But. I love this =]
    It's so powerful.
    At first I thought this piece was about Heroin, but when I read on I realized it's about a person? I think? I hope I got that right and don't look like an idiot now ^.^
    I love the lines :

    Your voice keeps haunting me,
    Until my dying day.
    If I could hear it one more time,
    Then maybe I could stay insane.

    And the parts that rhyme in this are fantastic =]

    Thank you for entering and Good Luck!!!

    Bleeding Glitter xX

  • ToXiC-gRlX
    December 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is cool!!!!. Is it alright to add you to my fav's!?!?

  • Frodofan
    December 12, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this. It worked really well and flowed along very nicely. Kind of reminded me of Linkin Park in some areas, or rather I could hear it to something similiar. Well done. Thanks for entering.


  • HeavenAsh21
    November 22, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    Wow, these are great lyrics. I suck at writing lyrics, but you seem to have a knack for it. Nice Write!


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    August 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    These are some really well written lyrics. They are deep and dark and they say alot. Thank you for taking part in my challenge and entering it...good luck.

    *Ktulu Blackwolfe*


  • greyhaime
    August 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Kick ass!
    I like these lines the most!
    "Your voice keeps haunting me,
    Until my dying day.
    If I could hear it one more time,
    Then maybe I could stay insane"

    great use of words there!

    Krystal

  • Stoica
    July 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was amazing! I really don't like rhyming schemes but I love how this one was. The line, "spitting sarcasm in my face" was fantastic. This was a really great write...good luck and htank you for sharing!


  • goddess-of-death
    July 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this. it is almost like one of my poems about addiction. this was great. good luck in the contest.

    Mistress


  • weirdsis amz
    July 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    love it. so wonderfully emotional and meaningful. love the wording and rhythm to the words.
    keep writing, this is great
    goodluck
    amz


  • Coral
    June 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I was a little shady on the lyrics option - wasn't sure if I would enjoy entries from this section. But this was great! I love the momentum and the way it all comes together. I even loved the chorus *shock horror*.

    Well done and good luck in the competition.


    Coral

  • Revwilliamfoos
    June 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this one sounds like my ex good thing i got exed keep doing well
    love the papa


  • hoodoolover silver member
    June 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    A great job with these lyrics, hope you put them to music!


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    June 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written and very dark I did like this very much. It says quite a bit about a horrible drug. Keep on writing you have real talent


  • CyanideAmbrosia
    June 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Good write! I love how you say the other person is your poison, and that you're trying to stay insane. I also like your reference to heroin, as how it's rotting you from the inside. Good write, and keep writing!


  • Scarlet Ambrosia
    June 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hun,
    this poem is amazing!
    well done and well written! Love the title!
    Keep on writing!
    Di

  • Micket
    June 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    9/10

    nice work; really, I dont say that often, I like the way you keep it simple with just strong words... you really should write music to it if you get the chance, it's too good to keep only half finnished

    -mick


  • Jadestone Doll
    June 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the comment, although the song is about an addiction to a person in which feels like being addicted to heroin. yet I'm glad that it may seem like it really is about heroin.

  • jenabee
    June 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow, very deep and full of emotions... I love it. I have been there I'm a recovering herion addict I have 2 1/2 yrs clean and every day it's a stuggle to stay that way. the day I get comfortable with my recovery is the day I relapse.

  • Jadestone Doll
    June 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Only in my head so far.


  • sans-amour
    June 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this is hauntingly beautiful.... stunning... do you have written music for it?

    wow...
    Starlit Kisses

1 - 24 of 24