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Foxtrot Ballare













Part II:  Write a poem of your own reflecting the beauty in nature and the approximate sense of Part 1.


Foxtrot Ballare


Regal, bronzed arrow of ballrooms,
spine straight along the path
framed only by my porch light
and the spinet of my eyes

Move mute above the grass
nose leading floating steps
of full-tailed grace

Elegant …
Arrogant …

Smooth

fingers reaching for perfection.
Not a hair out of place,
as the tingle of the vixen’s stealth
leaves …

just the quivered shadow
of my trailing smile.


Diana
by Augustus
Saint-Gaudens

In Roman Mythology the symbol of imagination,
sensibility, and the creative insanity of poets and artists.



Part I: Edit the text given in the form of free verse.





Citrine



From a pillow I see
a slice of
lemon slip between clouds:
a suppository for showers.

and then
--

The full moon exposes herself
complete in her roundedness.
To
my eyes alone,
she winks …
she teases  …
she tosses me beneath
her wry eye
from warmth of my bed

and I  --
stagger to the
ensuite
see little bulbs dance within the pedestal's lake -
unblinking

till they fragment in splashes,
stumble back through shadows and shoes,

find the moon's obsequious face
fawn with expectation of my uncertain
devotion

and she dims
eyelashes wet,
fixed frown half-concealed

yet … she winks once more
before scurrying by the skirt of my curtain.


My eyes close on clouds
clearing on the window of night
and,
with unseeing quick eyes,
dream Olympian icons wink at me
laugh
as
they hurl lemons into that
unblinking great pedestal --
The Sky



 






In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • ma belle
    July 5, 2006
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    Congratulations on the gold trophy! A true masterpiece.


  • Lyndon gold member
    July 5, 2006
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    Jane, what can I say? You have written to perfection, I think. By the way, the poem is mine. I am the C21 Australian Poet and your write is equivalent to mine. I cannot argue with that!


  • heartnsoul
    June 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    You bring the light source, I'll bring the wine

  • heartnsoul
    June 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    LOL! Hey this turned out shorter than even I thought! I'm so proud of me!!


  • heartnsoul
    June 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    A masterpiece

    Jane,
    I know I promised to come back and say in as few words as I possibly can what I have derived from this "work of art". As this is truly that. I feel as if I've been privy to watching Michaelangelo sculpt or Monet painting. Stepping ever closer to catch every nuance of movement.
    I am about to break that promise. (stop laughing at me and shaking your head, I can feel it all the way over here!)The only difficulty I had was to delete from memory your explanation in your author's comment. I perservered until I was able to read this in the way it was meant to be read. Which by the way when I finished, I tossed the cup of hot tea over my shoulder and broke out a bottle of wine.
    First I will say this, very few poems I've read will stay with me long after I've read them as yours has done. Image after image (I was about to say floods but that is wrong)awakens yet another. From my first read the first part read like 13th century archers dressed in their ragalia dancing a minuet. A minuet is exacting and graceful in it's steps. The precision of distance yet close in spirit. The melody segways into a waltz, the bows become the fox, the fox now leading. And they now dance with the graceful, foot light movements of the fox. Each turn causing their citrine orbs to wink at them under the light of the moon. I know each of us will experience a poem differently, but I do so love to dance, and in this poem the music goes on forever.
    ~Michelle~


  • sock monkey
    June 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful discription of a fox, and an ode to the moon. This is great work. You certainly put a lot into it, and it shows.

  • oneluckygirl
    June 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Elle,

    Verbose? Could you be more specific? I can only see what you see if you show it to me through your eyes.


  • Dynamite13
    June 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed "Citrine" much more than "Foxtrot Ballare." My taste runs a little bourgeouis for your verbose style. You escape my ire for the simple fact that I actually hear the soul cut through your words.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Elle


  • Jillybean128
    June 23, 2006
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    Incredible write! I love this...it is amazing. Wow...I keep going up to read it again and again. I don't know how many ways I can say this is great...but it is!

    and she dims
    eyelashes wet,
    fixed frown half-concealed

    I love these lines...they really paint a picture in my mind. Nicely done!

  • oneluckygirl
    June 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Who was it who said ...

    "That my words be worthy of this gift of your eyes."


  • pastiche
    June 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Music!!!!!

    A rare and beautiful work - much like music set to words and not the other way round. From the majestic opening to the delicate fading end, it rings with emotion and vision. The descriptive precision is matched only by your skill in merging one image to another - the exact placing of "Smooth" for example...

    The mixture of description and self runs like harmonies, that eventually lead off in subtle, individual directions.
    Not a space out of place, let alone a word. A truly superb piece.
    Congratulations!!!

    Your version of part 1 of the contest, the free verse, offers a fascinating insight into the way you play with your readers - the way you help them to dance! Again, congrats!

    Together, a fantastic entry for the contest...


  • galfalfa gold member
    June 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    LOL..I'm going to print this out too and read it under the stars with Michelle - hmmmm, may need to bring a flash light or a candle though A beauty of a piece - makes me feel better knowing such beautiful words strung together like this exist in one piece - sure i know all the words but i just can't seem to get the order right Bravo!


  • Elfin
    June 22, 2006
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    You have translated the original piece of prose really well,and the Foxtrot Ballare is spellbinding with imagery. Well done and good luck in the contest. Val.


  • Deiago
    June 22, 2006
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    This was so full of imagination that I was captivated. It flows so strongly and has a full inpact on the reader. Well done


  • InnerSpirit
    June 22, 2006
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    Beautiful

    Beautiful imagery laced with emotions, the perfect blend for a fine poem.

    A beautiful, beautiful write. I'm sure you'll do great in the contest. Good luck to you.

    love,
    Clautje


  • dp robertson
    June 21, 2006
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    the images in these are superb- I just love reading great writing!

    david


  • heartnsoul
    June 21, 2006
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    My Jane, you have a way of expressing yourself that floors me. I so wish I hadn't lost control of my mouse nearing the end of the first part and noticed your author's comments. Bad, bad me, curiosity got to me and I read. I kind of feel like I read the end of the book first. Jane, you will forgive me please, as this is one I am printing out and I want to read quietly outside under the stars with a hot cup of tea. I very rarely do this, but this is one I want to savour and linger over. Come back and try desparately to convey what I get from your work here in as few words as possible. (Stop laughing! I can hear your thoughts! ). What I got initially from your second part is much different that what you intended. Sooo.. I will come back. This is one of the most stunning works of poetry I've read in a very, very long time.
    ~Michelle~

  • oneluckygirl
    June 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    lololol and I haven't even finished posting it all yet.


  • leo2
    June 21, 2006
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    Honestly, on first reading I thought it was a secretive tryst between man and woman. Your imagery is superb and your grasp of the sheer beauty and wonder of nature is fabulous. Your command of the English language is second to none. I regret I have but one applause to give.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long

1 - 19 of 19