A man walking past
Looking like he heard a reason to move
I ask "Where are you going?"
He responds saying " Can't you hear the voices?"
But I heard nothing
I shrug my shoulders
Place my hands in my pockets
I hug my neck with my collar
This world so grey
A woman standing, staring towards the sky,
She smiled so beautifully,
I ask " What do you see?"
She responds "Can't you see the artistry?"
I couldn't
I look down at my feet
Shuffle them in the dirt
I pick up my pace
This is grey this place
A child sitting with his mother
Talks to his imaginary friend
The mother feeding what wasn't there
Laughing with her child
I ask "Why are you talking to nobody?"
They respond "But he is here can't you see, can't you hear?"
Tears streaming, I whispered " No I can't."
I move slowly with all the little energy I have
With every effort I could summon, I try to reach out
I listen deeply for just a sound, a reason
I look closely for the beauty in the sky
But, I travel alone in this grey world
Not one damn question answered
No one helping even when I cryptically asked
So I wander watching all those in colour
Disconnected, watching from my bubble, my world of grey
A contest entry
- Free Points - Free Trophies by StormGoddess.
300 points, ended November 6, 2006, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How Are You Feeling? ((PRE-WRITES ALLOWED!)) by A Murderous Lament.
390 points, ended April 28, 2007, 167 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best PREWRITES.... by wakingdevil.
600 points, ended January 22, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is a wonderful piece, full of charecter and very original. Superbly penned, good luck in the contest with it
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Liked the originality of this write.Nice flow to it.Thx for entering
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Excellent
I'm realy pleased to hear such a wonderful poem
All the words that I read made me calm
You made me feel the serenity in my wandering mind
Keep writing my Friend
Blessings
Vibiesh
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I can't even tell you how much I relate to this piece . Describing it as being in your own bubble , and living in a gray world just searching for black and white . my favorite line ( it just sounded so poetic ) I hug my neck with my collar what amazing imagery . keep penning i love your style and creative flow . best wishes
glass fingers
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I read this over four or five times now and not sure I understand what's being said but do know I enjoy the sound of it being said. Kind of like listening to an opera in Italian. No idea of the content but it's still beautiful. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet.
~TXCowgirl -
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Its about not fitting in and not knowing your place and how you feel trapped in your own world and everything outside of it is beautiful and glowing. In the end you try to understand their happy world but ultimately it's your world you need to fix.
Probably not any clearer from what I said lol!
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Some interesting thoughts with a very unique presentation. I enjoyed reading this a lot. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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ah it just takes a moment for someone or something to bring colour into one's life
spill poetic ink and twist me into the wild lemony crazy shape of unfathomable love...
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Sad without being too melodramatic. And of course I wish you and evceryone else could see that hidden joy that makes daily living worth it. And I agree, it's hard sometimes, life can be cruel, but I find humor from within, just simple joy in expressing an absurd idea in an even more absurd world, making the most of the little I have. It seems to work for me, at least for a while.
I like how you've presented your plight...shown us this sadness through the joys of others...and maybe though your speaker does not see...(s)he knows it is in those simple whims of imagination. I enjoyed this poem very much, thanks. -
beutifull, but missing her !!!!
emailed ya... awesomely awed ! -
wow, so you couldn't see it because your world was so grey? i love the storyline with this poem, i enjoyed it alot
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This is a great little poem that you have written! I like it! Though it is kind of sad. I'm not exactly positive about what I thought it was about. But it sounded to me like you were talking about people that believe in god and so they are seeing and hearing and doing all these things. And you can't or don't and so you feel left out and alone in the world. It's kind of hard to deal with but it sounds like you are trying to seek the truth for yourself. And that's the best way to go about things. So I think that is good. I'm sorry to hear you sounding so sad, but hopefully you felt better after you read this. You did a good job of expressing yourself here. So thanks for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you!
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awesome/coolio
So much emotion and darkness. I could really feel them flowing through this peice. Keep up the terriffic work. Luv it! Wanna read more.
your friend,
Ace♠ -
I really enjoy the narration of this piece and I think you do a good job of expressing a frustation or depression from living in what you call a gray world. However the end has a kind of cliche about living all alone in the world and I think you could state it better based on what you have already written in this poem.
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kinda reminded me of the movie "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble" which i really liked, so with that said, i did enjoy this piece rather well
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I liked it alot It was sorta an odd subject but turned out very nicley
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Wow, this is great. Kinda funny; this is just like my writing style. I like how you reminded us of things being grey, and yet you talked about being in a bubble, which is anything but. Bubbles are covered in colors, swirling and intertwining. You did a really good job. The idea of people most would consider to be "odd" or "crazy" being happy in their abnormalcy is a very unique one. I like it.
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Yes it was depicting how frustrated we get trying to get out of our everyday rut, and when in that rut it seems so many people had found that exit to get out of their own greyness. Even though you ask them the way to the exit, not one person has an answer for you! You have to find your own special place, beauty, colours and I guess it is sometimes hard when everything looks so grey and untouchable.
Thankyou to all who have commented
Edited on Nov 05 because ''. -
inspiring
I loved your poem, it reflects real life in that we are all just lost inthis world aren't we? Searching for answers that are not there and looking for things that do not exist. it is also inspirational in that it just makes you think maybe there is something, a ystery out there an answer if you just go on looking. it really touched me i guesse. -
wow very cool poem.. love it
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Wow, this is an incredible write. I love the growing frustration and confusion that you express, it is really very different from anything else I've read. Incredible.
~Tim
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