Falling On Deaf Ears

The pencil in my hand
Resting upon this empty paper
My mind slowly trying to form words
And have them slip through the darkened lead
Into scribbled markings

“My feelings hurt
My heart shattered
Like glass from a cup
That now lies on the cold kitchen floor
I can’t sleep
I can’t eat
My soul worn to shreds and thrown into darkness
I’m cold, alone and afraid
Feeling like I’ve been whipped 1,000 times
When I speak
No one hears
When I cry
No one sees
I can’t let myself fall to pieces
But you just push me down
Into the shadows where I hide
My voice no longer is here
My words no longer can be formed
I can’t breathe when I suppurate like I do
My vision blurs when tears swell in my eyes
When they fall they’re like rivers pulling away from the ocean
I have no one who will listen
But I know that’s a lie
My heart knows it too
It is taken by the one I am with
The only one who can see the truth
The guy that I love
Who holds me when I’m scared
The one who wipes away my crystal tears
I can’t ask for anyone more perfect

Father, I’m done hating myself
I hate the tears that I have shed
By you not listening
Your ears are deaf
And your mind closed
I haven’t smiled joyfully in a long time
When I’m here at the house
I can’t feel the contentment like I did in the beginning
I’m locked up in my room
Where I feel safe and free
I feel like I’m lost in my own little world
Where I have made myself happy
I’m not going crazy
Just becoming sad and confused
When I can’t think and I’m perturbed
I say these words to calm me down
‘The stars, a golden hue
The sky, a midnight blue
The moon, shining bright
Guiding me with its light’
Working on a way to distract me
I’m not so good at it
Because I’m unable to tell my side
Of which you always lack to get
I feel like I’m not your daughter
But an unwanted someone dumped in your home
A nobody
Someone not like you
Preordained to stay in this place
Like a slave from the past

The scars on my body
To the scars in my heart
All caused from the pain that you have inflicted
Mentally not physically
I look for no sympathy
I look for no mercy
What I want I feel is too big
For even you to handle
I just want a father
Who is ready and willing to sit and listen
To understand and show fairness
To not allow me to feel alone and hurt
I don’t want to apologize for the mistakes I have not made
To take a punishment for a problem I did not cause
I have taken full responsibility of things I know I’ve done wrong
But all I get is fights and you pushing me away
I don’t think you want to listen
To something you think is crap
When you do that you hurt people you say you care for
It makes them hate you
It makes them cry
I’ve tried to change and be perfect like you seem to want
To be someone who I am not for you
I can’t be a different person
I can’t change who I am
I won’t….not anymore
So please all I ask
Is for you to listen to me like a father I hope you can be
And hear what I have to say
For it’s the truth, not lies

I haven’t lied to you
So please don’t think I have
It hurts when I feel like you think
That I have cried wolf
All I wish for is a father
Who will listen and understand”

The pencil now lies
Still on this now filled paper
My mind’s words
Written…
To tell my story