It is words left unsaid
And muted unuttered emotions
That carry the weight of our feelings
Getting lost within the commotion
Undying love remains veiled
Behind black mascara and fears
The whole world crumbles down
Leaving nothing but my tears
Torn down curtains on a window
Darkness shines through dusty glass
With pigments of moonlight seeping
Tainted dreams that never pass
Too much for you to breathe in
Too much for your soul to perceive
Unable to escape this loneliness
There's nothing more to believe
Friendships suddenly lose their meaning
For no one is by your side
Yearning for a shoulder to cry on
Yet knowing there is no place to hide
Falling into cobwebs of failure
Slowly drowning in puddles of dreams
As clouds of despair fall over my head
My soul aches and my heart screams.
Well time has gone with every song
Another new beginning
So dead and still I'm so alive
And my mind just never winning.
Author notes
My very good friend No deliverance helped me edit this.Got me started on the right foot.Dark is so hard for me to write,But this was one I wrote when I was 16 and it has been basically completely Rewritten.LOL Miss deliverance helped me a lot on this.LOL.You should have read it before.Oh my it was terrible. THANK YOU HANA
Written June 19th, 2006
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Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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This is absolutely beautiful. It makes me think of how everyone in life may be in a dark place at some point in their lives. And, sometimes it's hard to find a way out.
I love the background you chose for this piece, too. Keep writing.
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Thank you so very much for this comment and applause.Truly,I appreciate it.
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life is death
Our mind keeps us from death and darkness is lite when an explaination molds it. -
Great piece. I especially liked the fifth verse, but the whole thing was amazing. Great write, keep up the good work.
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Standing ovation
Superb, this is definatley now my favourite write of yours, some wonderful phrasing and excellent image and mood creation. The Stanza: Falling into cobwebs of failure
Slowly drowning in puddles of dreams
As clouds of despair fall over my head
My soul aches and my heart screams.
was absolutely ingeniuosly crafted. Well done poet, and thanks Hanna for helping sculpt this into such an outstanding poem. -
Thanks for the help on that.I only found one typo in the stanza "loneliness" LOL.I also changed the title!! Okay well thanks for the help!! I appreciate it!
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Also, one last thing: the title should be "Drowning In Oblivion"; that is the correct usage of the word.
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great!
Great write, nice word usage and imagery. You have a couple of typos in stanza 4, otherwise everything is fine. I liked the beginning the best, it really pulled me in. Good work, and good luck in the contest
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Thank you sweety.I am greatful for your comment.
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You just stopped me from "Falling into cobwebs of failure (and)
Slowly drowning in puddles of dreams" This poem was...was great.
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I can really relate to this one. I really enjoyed reading it. thanks for entering.
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excellent
wow. that was SOOO good. i LOVE the imagry.. i could just picture it in my head!!!!! this is such a good poem and i have NO crticism whatsoever! good write and keep writing!!! -
GOOD WORK!
Very nice write! It is dark and it flows so well. I just love: So dead and still I'm so alive. Very expressive phrasing within your poem. Good job. Blessings! Tammy -
Very good write. I loved the rhyming and the message and the word choice, it's all just very very well done. The background made it a tiny bit hard to read, but at the same time, I loved the waves! Keep it up!
amanda -
As a sixteen year old, I can honestly say I can relate really well with this idea, where it originally came from. It does feel like the world is falling apart at times. Friends constantly betray, and tears are a girl's best friend. But then the world comes back togather and everything's okay again. Neither living nor dead. Just... existant. Beautifully done. Great job on the collab, you two!
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great write you have penned here. I believe it captures the true essence of love that has shifted in a manner that leaves us feeling shaken. best of wishes to you. peace always in all ways!
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That was awesome! Hey maybe you two could help me sometime?
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This looks amazingly dark...and I love it
You had all the great ideas, I just helped you mold them and shape them , and it was great fun.
You are most welcome honey!
Looking forward for your next dark write
Love
~Hana~
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