I hid it in the high grass
just up the beach a day
a little skiff called reverie
we'll launch into the bay
And rolling out into the sea
we'll watch the coastline fade
forget all of life's problems
responsibilities delayed
Perhaps one day we will sail back
from that land we dreamed and wished
and find that all we left behind
is waiting to be finished
For now lets let the rudder loose
the waters choose our course
and drift and sing and sleep and play
with no trace of remorse
Author notes
quatrain
comments and constructive criticism encouraged and appreciated!!
Written June 19th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Escapism is fun. I love how this reminds me of daydreaming in class when I should be paying attention but I don't care.
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bravo
This is really very fine, my only suggestion would be to ALWAYS have the same number of syllables in each line: say 8 or 6, etc.. this will make a significant difference in the way the poem sounds and moves.... bravo... bravo...
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That is pretty neat! It sounds like an Emily Dickinson poem until Line #7. I especially like Verse #3 because it makes the point that the real world is still out there.
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very nice
good imagery
a lovely trip
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Breathtakingly simple, subtle, beautiful. What a great use of imagery. You paint a gentle picture with oils with this. Your rhyme style is also wonderfully fresh and internally motivated. Not at all forced or restricted.
Very well done.
CaliOkie
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Beautiful poem!
I enjoyed this. Soothing quality to the rhyme and the imagery. I especially love the first two stanzas. I know how hard rhyme can be to write so I don't want to sound critical, but the line, is waiting to be finished seemed just a bit contrived. As for picky proofreading stuff...lets should have an apostrophe...For now let's let the rudder loose
Overall, very lovely!
. Rewarded 8
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Oh heavenly sea take us away from all that is mundane in this world. Let us bask in warm sunlight as we are carried off to paradise on the winds of heaven. When we return anew and refreshed, we'll spread the love we shared while sailing on our sea of dreams. Very lovely quatrains formed this exquisite piece you have here and I can't thank you enough for sharing its beauty with me. Keep writing poet. It left me warm all over as the serenity washed over me.
semaiden ♥
. Rewarded 8
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Very nice. I loved the simplicity and emotional release this poem brings. Great write
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Great imagery! Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest!
Frogz` -
This poem was also a delight to read,
it had a warm feeling within it filled with some rich imagery,
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
Cool
i am not that good on constructive criticism... but i know a good poem when i see one. i like the imaigery of this poem. It deep ... but not too Deep to comprehend.
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Somtimes i truly feel escaping from the world but i cant and only in my dreams can i really do that. You poem made me smile, because it was so inoocently written. Touched my heart and made me feel as if i could get away from the world just for a while and be happy.
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I think that this is a nice piece titled by one of my favourite words of all time. Something about the way that the word "reverie" rolls off of one's tongue as it is said and the way it looks. I felt like I was going on a journey here - of something hidden and something to be found. I felt I was on that journey as it was hidden. All the best to you. Thank you for your presence. Tony.
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quite calming
quite a nice poem (i know i have many days when i just want to grab my dingy and go drift off to a remote island for a while). Your word choice is excellent and coupled with this concept, it is picturesque.
In terms of any critisism, i think the rythm may have slowed as the lines got longer (perhaps the intention?). One such example is:
"forget all of life's problems
responsibilities delayed"
This is where the lines seem to grow. In these particular lines, i would consider changing it to
"forget life's problems;
responsibilities delayed"
Another such edit could be removal of the word "little" in the first stanza.
This is a great poem, and i'd love to see what you do with it.
Cheers! -
This is lovely. It makes me want to run away. Haha.
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great!
Just a great poem- and it carries the readers thot's along w/ it. -
aw that was v sweet. nice job!
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What a refreshing poem. I can totally relate to wanting to leave responsibilities behind now and then. I like the simplicity of the rhyme and the flow of your words. Nicely done.
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DON'T change a thing! it is perfect and amazing just the way it is!!!!!!!!!! i totally love it!
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i liked this poem a lot...it has a nice flow and i think its sentiment is easily relatable..everyone whishes for sometime away from the grind and a little skif holds all the promise of pure escapism
well written
Hollow X
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