Falling through space,
That endless black abyss.
Broken heart, One Thousand sherds
Your every word:
Another fissure
Always knowing, Never believing
Never really wanting to know.
But Once in a Hundred years,
In the endless noise of time,
I remember...
I remember...
I remember that you care.
Author notes
i feel the need to explain, except thats just what the title says to me. Enjoy.
xx
Written June 18th, 2006
A contest entry
- Once In A Hundred Years by I-Like-Rhymes.
500 points, ended July 3, 2006, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
A pleasant piece but I felt that it was not fully on theme. If the line But once in a hundred years was completely removed it would not affect the poem at all. It might even be said to improve it !
Also I'm sorry to say that the spelling and grammatical problems grated with me more than the general feel of the poem impressed me. Line 3 should surely be shards. Line 6 the mid-line capitalisation of Never is wrong after a comma as is the capitalisation in line 8.
This would take very little editing to become what I would regard as a good poem but as yet does not ring my bells.
Thanks for your entry though, it was appreciated.
Jim -
good job Ilike the way you formed this keep penning
Linda -
Thanks for entering. This will take some thinking about. Is the caring person still there every hundred years? Hmmm!
Jim
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