I am the infant of my lies,
Beneath the cracks and crashes.
I choke on a crown of flies,
And dance in shades of ashes.
I do not walk in blood, I crawl;
Red laughter among the sad,
And if I dare breathe at all,
I breathe the depths of the mad.
Author notes
Option 4(a)?
Written June 16th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Dark, Morbid, Insane, Disturbing Options and Nothing But by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended February 16, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Simple, but describes the shadow of darkness... Or, a shadow of darkness that surrounds our soul... I love the last line especially really captures the mood.
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DEFINITE MADNESS
WOW ARE YOU A DEEP THINKER OR WHAT! SO MUCH SAID IN SO FEW LINES. I GUESS THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP, HUH? KEEP ON PENNING
POETDONTKNOWIT -
I don't like
Nothing to do with the quality but more the content. This was far too dark for me and I wish you well and hope this is all out of your system, Satan walks amongst us all, don't turn to him for guidance, I beg you. -
Its these short writes that carry a lot of weight and paints
many images that play with the reader's mind. The first line
of this poem caught my attention and when I look deeper
into this write..I find there is also sadness behind each line...
take care. -
There are some hidden meanings in this poem, but it started out as just ramblings. Thank you for the comment.
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wow. that was absolutely fantastic. it drove me insane just reading it. as perfect as they come. wow.
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W rite ON!
Some painful stuff in this write,,,BTDT with part of the emotions...bat this is about 3 levels below anything I've experience.. -
Very deep. I love a little madness now and then. This is well done. I like the length and the little bit of rhyme. It flows well.
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Wow! so deep. Good write.
~~GeorgiaRamblingRose
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I know what it's like to have stray madness; you did a wonderful job of writing it down. The first line really makes me think, it makes sense to me in some weird way that I can't really describe.
~Becky
P.S. I'm just starting to read poetry again after a long absence, and I'm glad this is the first one I clicked! -
Wonderfuly written, wonderfuly mad.
Loved the line "red laughter among the sad." I have no idea what it means, but it sounds excellent. In fact, the whole poem sounds so good, and it seems like it should have some hidden meaning, but I get this feeling you just went with flow, inspiration and words... just take what the muse hand you and put it on paper knid of thing. Great job. -
This was so exptic and so angry! The force of your words just blew me away here, I'm pretty much speechless!
Amazing job, please keep writing!
x -
Bravery comes easier when no one knows who you are. Thank you for the wonderful comment.
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i like it very interesting
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it makes me realize how messed up we would really be if we couldn't admit that we are all crazy
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I am always impressed by the bravery of such writes.. exposed, bloody and raw. Bravo
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this is truly incredible! every line in this is completely representative of what real, excellent poetry is. i love your rhyming pattern; and your imagery is just amazing. i especially love the line 'i do not walk in blood, i crawl.' it just shows the profoundness of your despair and how low things really are for you. how short it is makes it that much more excellent to me, because you were able to bring such intensity to so few lines. maybe i liked it so much because it is perfectly fitting to my mood today, but nevertheless, excellent write!
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Thank you for the comment
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This is incredible, the perfect length, amazing power in the words and construction. I really really like this one. Bravo.
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This poem reminded me of Poe's work.......very dark but very well written
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That was incredible. And I really loved the first line. It was amazing.
Well done; great write <3 -
The last line got me... absolutely killer write!
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I love it! Very strong in a short write, very well written, not dark to me. More of reality of one mine. Profound and thought provoking. Wonderfully written, my friend.
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AWESOME WORK!!!!! ENJOYED IT!!!!!
Solar:
This is profound and thought provoking.....
You have said so much in such short a piece.....
We all have our "madness" moments and you have done a great job here with your word's play.....
Be blessed with love and light always.....
Thank you for sharing with me on this site.....
Your friend:
AngelicMIstress
My favorite part:
*ALL OF IT
I am the infant of my lies,
Beneath the cracks and crashes.
I choke on a crown of flies,
And dance in shades of ashes.
I do not walk in blood, I crawl;
Red laughter among the sad,
And if I, dare, breathe at all,
I breathe the depths of the mad.
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Thank you Cloudy.
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Thank you for the wonderful comment.
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intriguing
From the depths of the unknown - you write a powerful piece! One day you may get to walk instead of crawling - if you allow yourself....keep writing - great work - sue -
Awesome stuff. You really take over the poem from the first stanza till the end... this is edgy and powerful. Wonderful as always.
Cloudy x -
This piece was excellent, full of imagery, and kept me yearning to see more as I read each word. I loved how much you crammed into two four-lined stanzas. The rhyming scheme and flow were spectacular for the most part. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing!
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awesome. i like how this was short and sweet yet packed in so much awesomely gruesome and dark vivid description. awesomely kewl. rock on.
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i likes
i like it. sorta dark, but sorta not. like a different outlook on something..
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