strange…it’s red
red water
in lines
red
all i can see is red
spurting
oozing
dripping
screaming
so red
red everywhere
i want more of it
it’s killing me.
but i take a step back
and look at it.
it is art,
blood drawings
beautiful sometimes
i feel the need
to make more drawings
terrible beauty
scratches on skin
now i feel better
‘thank you,
mr. art teacher,
for teaching me
real art’
i think
as i hold the scalpel
and my vision swims
to red
then black
as all the red inside me
leaks out
through the beautiful holes
i made in me
so…
…pretty…
i’m gone now.
Author notes
hope you like, pls don't say anything like 'you shouldn't do that' or 'i know what you're going through', just comment on the poem, ok? Sorry, getting annoyed that almost all my depressing poems get comments like that! Anyway, pls. comment!
Written June 16th, 2006
~as a requirement for a contest~
I'll dust your fairy!
A contest entry
- 203;::A.n.o.r.e.x.i.c...S.u.i.c.i.d.a.l...D.r.u.g...A.d.d.i.c.t:: by Bullet To The Head.
300 points, ended October 25, 2006, 85 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blasphemous Rumours by Exodus.
500 points, ended February 5, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Colour Imagery by PaperChainHearts.
360 points, ended January 30, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very Red Indeed
I think I see an unusual side to red; the idea of thin red lines on a white page looks like rejection...a brilliant way of putting it. It is just a bit too negative towards the end...I do like the part where it uses many descriptive words, "spurting
oozing
dripping
screaming"
Unusual way of putting it, but maybe screaming sounds awkward as a descriptive word...Good
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I really like this poem, it's strange how you can find some beauty within what is such a sad subject matter, but you have done so very well. I also like the structure you've given it and the lack of punctuation almost as if these are the last things on the subject's mind and rightly so. Well done!
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I Really like it, and such comments won't be recieved by me x]
but no, its awesome, very dark, but expresses the colour briliantly.
"I feel the need
to make more drawings
terrible beauty
scratches on skin"
Brillaint
well done, good luck in the contest
Katy
x
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Hmm, a little obvious for a dark poetry contest but still interesting. You ask in your authors notes to tell you what we think of the poem so here goes. I didn't like the lack of any form of capitalisation, even on things such as "I". Combined with the lack of punctuation makes the poem seem a little sloppy, like you didn't put any effort into it.
Nevertheless, thankyou for entering
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ohh very intresting. liked the form and flow, very unique.
this opening of your poem was very cool, it kind of rememinded me of a rap because of the rhytem as i read.
i really like this part because it was quite differnt:
"‘thank you,
mr. art teacher,
for teaching me
real art’"
--real art! like it.
the use of the word "red" was really well put. you didnt overuse the word.
the imagry was amazing!
i see it as beautiful art as well!
this poem was sick!
thank you for taking the time to enter my contest and sharing a piece of you with me!
take care and keep writing!
♥ Lynn -
This is beautiful. i liked the repetition of 'red' in the first part and i loved the way you kept refuring to it as 'art'. i thought this was cleverly writen and a very good write about cutting. Also the ening was very very good and probly my favorite bit of it.
Well done
And good luck in my contest
Best of Wishes
Dru xxxxxxxxxxx -
very good
Nice thought is in the air like a breath of wind that touches our hearts.I can feel the power of your poem.I can see butterflies searching for nice image.I liked your poem.Good job! -
I like how you wrote this poem and the background that you chose goes really well with it. I kept finding myself glancing at it while I was reading. And I don't find this peom depressing at all I find it very intriging. Great job and I'm going to add you to my favorites if that's okay.
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