I can see your face so clearly,
an image of my desire?
How is it Lord, that you set my heart on fire?
What is it about you?
To make me change my ways,
That is one great feat
But to make me want to run after you
is stranger still.
Everything is yours.
Hard at first,
but there's so much to gain.
You're my power.
Yours is my will.
Author notes
This isn't written very well. Just some scraps of thoughts. I'd appreciate any and MANY comments!
Written June 15th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
-
as i you , i wan't to see his face more clearly but he has showed me his face before on june 11 2004 , on the hardest day of my life he came to me , it was so amazing for me i put my life around the experience , i wish everyone so fortunate , i guess it takes a tragadie and really wanting a miracle to happen to be so blessed , he is my life and my strength and my guidance and i wanna be with him in the glories of heaven soon and hope to see many their also , may the lord be with you
-
I would change the first stanza in this way:
I can see your face so clearly,
an image of my desire.
How is it Lord,
that you set my heart on fire?
As far as the rest of it goes, show more, tell less. use imagery, metaphor (sustain the fire metaphor, for example -heat, light, warmth, being refined in a furnace, etc.)
You have a concept to communicate, the rest is just practicing the craft of poetry, write more, edit more, if you can.
Blessings!
Joyce
-
Beautifully written, well done.
Adding your comment:
