Dearest Kamikaze,
From here I can smell the gauze,
and the tape-worm flesh rotting off of you.
I tell you Kamikaze Man, I tried to mask it with
flowery perfume and petals.
But you, perverse as ever, stunk straight through.
I tilted my head to extend the full effect
of my observations.
And there you lay,
flip-flopping on the pavement like a fish
choking in the sun.
It was then that I first saw you,
squirming beneath the street lamp
in a million little pieces.
And all you could do was be still
and wait for your ‘religion’ to seep out with the blood.
Author notes
I'm not sure that this is entirely complete yet.
I'll think about it.
-Smidge
Written June 14th, 2006
A contest entry
- Inspired by September 11 2001 by Rhymeeverytime.
427 points, ended March 27, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
LOL ...
this is hilarious. It's dark, yes, but it's a humorous type of dark. I was thinking while reading it that it sounded like something the bride of Frankenstein might say.
-
ha ha i enjoyed it greatly, it made me smile, which is proabbly a bad thing but i loved it
-
Beautifully Grotesque
Beauty in grotesqueness is difficult to convey. Very well done. -
I normally do not enjoy reading dark poetry, but I do enjoy reading good poetry. For me the good of this pom makes up for the dark. I think you have penned an excellent poem here. You write very well and should continued to use your talent.
-
this has such vivid imagery, strong powerful images
and very descriptive. though I am not at all sure
what the meaning is. I am sure the fault is mine
and not yours. sometimes if it is not blatantly
obvious then it is over my head. sorry. but you did
a good job with this. -
Whoa. Pretty strong images here. I'm afraid that, though I admire some of the phrasing, I'm not sure exactly what this is about. Would Kamikaze man be a reference to Christ (bandaged/perfumed in the tomb, waiting for the tainted religion to be released) or am I way off in my thinking?
RH -
I got my own interpertation out of it, but I don't know if you were thinking the same, can you tell me how this was written? It will help me understand it better.
-
ok, it took me twice reading to fully come to grips with what you were saying......in the last line of your first stanza, you need a comma after the word ever. I think that the third stanza is the most poignant. I liked it although I am not usually a fan of dark poetry.....very artistic in its own right.
-
also, here is a free promotion for you *66 points*
Phrozen -
Very cool. I like that it was not cliche for a dark poem. Vivid imagery, and good use of it.
*applause for you*
Phrozen -
♥
-
the is a reason why you are my favoureite write doll face
-
Lol, thanks love
-Smidge
-
...!!!WOW!!!...
(speechless)
I guess I better get you on my flavor-writes list -
This was definately incredibly well written.
"And all you could do was be still
and wait for your ‘religion’ to seep out with the blood."
that was my favorite part. -
Oh...this is really shocking. You definitely managed to evoke very vivid images. I like the way you appeal to the sense of the reader: where you say that the Kamikazi man stunk through...the tapeworm flesh...gross! And visually: flip-flopping and squirming - oi...yes slippery like a fish...
Oh..and waiting for your religion to seep out with your blood...geez...how did you think of these things?
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
