Forgive me for locking you out of this room;
wanting to be alone in winter’s dark womb.
muffled cries heard from a phantom crib;
image veiled in blue, wears a funny bib.
still I carry what never lived inside,
if I say “it doesn’t matter", you know I've lied.
This room is more costly as the years go by;
feeding bitterness, sorrow sucking dry.
daily waking a dream long since dead,
loved ones pray I’ll bury it instead.
Don't mean to ignore you as I peruse;
for little outfits I’ll never use.
Pooh and Tiger still dance in delight;
on walls empty, shrouded in white.
slaying monsters, drying tears not me,
imanginations come to life, I'll never see.
This Christmas morn I trip across the hall;
over trucks, army men and a bat and ball,
you too have been in this room all along,
forgive me for not seeing how much you belong.
Author notes
Written June 12th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- winner takes all by Phoenix Renaissance.
500 points, ended June 14, 2006, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tears of Saddness by sweetestkiss1985.
600 points, ended June 20, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me cry by xHeartofDarknessx.
300 points, ended September 21, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Miscarriage (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
460 points, ended February 22, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry! by My-Butt-Is-On-Fire.
470 points, ended November 25, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
This was very sad and hard to comment on it but , than again you had the guts to share with us and I have the guts to say how this made me feel,
and i can feel the pain in this and yes its a loss , like anything else, and you can feel it deep down, I know i did and i was just the father , i can only imagine how the mother of my child felt and well we are no longer together so , i guess you can see how much it affected her, and this was very well written for it conveyed a lot of emotion and the pain can be felt by all who read this, thanks for sharing for that allows me to know your are a strong person and this will help others that have been through this , thanks very well done, despite the circumstances. -
this is so sad.....i can feel the emotion in every word written. so powerful and tragic....superb job♥
-
Oh, it'll be hard to judge, but this is a very good write.
-
Sadness doesn't begin to express what I feel when I read this poem. Powerful, honest and tragic.
-
There was no rules for this contest. Rhyme is fine.
I think the rhyme of this piece helps lend to the tragicness of it. A room prepared for a child that just never happened. I know it is impossible to think of what might have been.
Thank you for entering. -
Very Well Writen
it was very hard to decided the winner
but all in all evan though you were all very good
and hope you will enter my next contest comeing soon
so i am now saying tank you for takeing part in my first contest
Kepp up the good work
Thanks
xBx
-
It is hard to comment on something so personal. -
This is very touching and is well written. Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering.
Beka
-
Nice job! I liked the story being told by the room and how it flowed well as a piece.
Keep it up!
Belle -
Wonderful,very lovely poem,I loved how it all came together.nice job
-
Very good write. I loved the flow and the visuals. Great work,keep it up.
Soulful Woman -
it seems like theres more u wanted to put into this piece but maybe im just crazy.
dagon -
wow i lvoe this piece!
"My heart cannot bear to carry what never lived inside,
if I say “it doesn’t matter", you'll know that I lied.
This room is more costly each year that goes by;
bitterness needs to be fed and sorrow sucks me dry.
Daily I wake a dream that is long since dead,
loved ones pray I’ll have a burial in its stead."
thoes where such great line...like 'disturbed0092' i gtot cold chills as well hehe.
and wow i loved the ending lines too!
"now that you're here with me, I have one last plea;
lock this door behind us and throw away the key! "
it went so well and it fit the poem perfectly!
grat job on this poem! i defentally have to read it again and again!
♥ Lynn -
Great piece~It gave me cold chills. You have a great writing style. Keep up the great writes! I'd love to read more.
<3 disturbed -
Great piece, very deep filled with vivid imagry. Loved the flow, and the rhythm and rhyme are spot on. Greatw work, keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
-
"This room is more costly each year that goes by;
bitterness needs to be fed and sorrow sucks me dry."
Wow, this poem carried an eerie feeling with it. This person's delusions were enough to bring me to tears. You have a great talent for writing, and it shows through in your rhyme and flawless rhythm. You carried the character's anguish all the way to the end, then had a surprising finish. Great work.
Ashleigh <3
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
