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Inside the Shell {Rictameter}

Missing image

A spark
that glows within
my heart like a spirit,
wants to be free from mortal cage.
A humble slave in love with The Supreme
I am part of The Luminous
burning eternally,
for years I'll be
a spark.





Author notes

still learning...

more about rictamters?
www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html
Written June 11th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25
  • The Pole Star
    June 28, 2006
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    this just adorable!


  • ma belle
    June 15, 2006
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    I can truly understand how this won the gold--simply magnificent!! Congratulations and best wishes, Belle


  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    June 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Really nice. Simply delivered but very profound. Congrats on the gold. Excellent work.

    Mark


  • Iohagh
    June 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful congradulations.

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I won! ...and always willl

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thankies mommy dearest


  • Sandygram silver member
    June 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    WONDERFUL POEM

    Congratulations Ankeeta, you wrote an amazing poem. So deserved the gold. Hugs to you. Take care, Mum


  • Maatkara gold member
    June 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very lovely and well written poem, Ankeeta Presenting a simple but profound truth. Congratulations on your well deserved gold!

    Your presentation is beautiful as well.


  • Sudarshan
    June 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Hi Ankeeta, this is poetry at its poetic best. Such simple words and such intense thoughts, wonderfully portrayed, loved reading it, and the touch of the da vinci code to go with it, what can I say !!!!! Awesome poem, keep writing. Would love to hear your comments on my poems too.


  • Sai Babas Lotus
    June 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! One of the best rictameters I've read so far is this. Lovely choice of words that flow so beautifully and divinely together. Wonderful imagery and I see all rules followed. Not sure but I think a period is needed at the end of the last line.

    Goodluck!

    Charishma

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    if this-----> helps


  • Zahhar gold member
    June 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    yesterday i began a mantra prayer, which i have continued to now, and it has sent a similar spark through me, dissipating a lot of inner darkness. it is a simple mantra:

    "God, what can I do for you?"

    that's all.

    as for your poem, seems it should be possible to convey a little more using imagery in place of some of the abstract statements like "with the supreme". but clearly this form has its constraints, too.


  • maa gold member
    June 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    dear ankeeta,
    your poem is awesome.
    simply beautiful and full of wisdom.
    its short form, carefully selected words perfectly combined to create a masterpiece of art and a powerful prayer.
    I am amazed by your ability to concentrate your spirit unto the very essence and to reveal such a strong and profound message from your soul in this rictameter.
    you have certainly done an incredible job !


  • Shakari
    June 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was a wonderful rictameter! You have truly shown experience with the form and have even used a variation of Da Vinci's 'Vitruvian Man' in this piece. You even kept this rictameter flowing with a meaning that we can all understand. The imagery is usually difficult to kept alive in form poems, but you have kept its pulse at a steady rate. Keep up the great work and good luck in the contest!

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ...you know this is what I am reading these days...but I have an assignment to submit by tuesday hence have to write something short but upto the point :-|


  • Abscessed
    June 11, 2006
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    ATLAST...the muse has returned great job ankeeta, I love the fact that you are so brave when it comes to dealing with form poetry. Never afraid to learn and learn and learn. Thats what true poetry is all about isn't it

    Great job my friend
    Rohina


  • angel-lover
    June 11, 2006
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    great write

  • Sukrit Raman
    June 11, 2006
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    you are welcome.

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 11, 2006
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    yeh ok suktrit!

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    uhmm!

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 11, 2006
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    pic? lol


  • individuality gold member
    June 11, 2006
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    'wishing to free from mortal cage,' - This line sounds odd in my my mind when reading it, there seems to be a word missing. The word 'be' before 'free'.

    Spill ink and twist me into the shape of love...


  • lindarnoian
    June 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    sweet and simple. i liked the format and it flowed very nicely throughout. for how short it is, it is a pretty powerful poem. nice work, keep it up.

  • Sukrit Raman
    June 11, 2006
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    From Sukrit

    Nice Write,Ankeeta.You are always a spark you want to be you say,nice one!good luck in the contest and forthcoming victories.

1 - 25 of 25