I thought it was black and white,
I thought it was like crystal.
I thought it was meant to be,
but now you and I are distal.
The more I hoped to see you, the more you slipped away.
Pieces of my shattered heart, scattered and astray.
A new day rises, but I stand unmoving,
unwilling to go on.
No one here beside me,
no one here to guide me,
no one here beside me,
not even a trace.
Now I see what I have missed,
through the fog that is you:
someone picking up the shattered pieces of my heart.
The rose petals are red again,
the oasis has been restored.
For now I realize the truth,
I will love again.
Author notes
Hey Katie...um
I read the rules...and please don't be too harsh on me...lol
Thanks!
A contest entry
- Forgetting Eternity by Lacer.
385 points, ended December 9, 2006, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything! Prewrites allowed by lucy sky-diamond.
1100 points, ended February 6, 2007, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Gonna Wannna Use Those Unlimited Entries by TWiSTEDxCUPCAKE.
700 points, ended April 22, 2007, 66 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MUAHAHAHA!! A Contest for ~*MUAH*~ by as.phy.xi.ate..
450 points, ended May 10, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Before I judge
go back and read my rules so that I don't want to disqualify you. -
=)
lol, I won't be harsh because it is very good! I like that you rhymed but kept the scheme changing.
I really like this piece, the contrast of the black and white relating to the whole idea of losing someone and then coming to the onclusion that you will, despite the pain and your bad experience you will love again.
My favorite part would have to be
"The more I hoped to see you, the more you slipped away.
Pieces of my shattered heart, scattered and astray."
Great Job!!!
~Katie -
Well I find it quite nice, even though you did not rhyme then you rhymed then you did not rhyme again. Your rhyme part was good and was not forced.
I find this to be a really nice poem and it is good to know that you will be able to love again.
keep on writing,
Nooni
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Wow!! I really like reading this. At the beginning of this poem, it was so sad, but then the last couple of lines were happy, I think. I really liked the last few lines, the last seven lines, I believe. This poem was very wll written and you should be proud
.
Keep Writing
~~Meri~ -
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Thanks! and thanks for choosing my poem for the preiminary round!!! By the way, just to satisfy my curiosity, do you know when the actual prizes will be awarded?...haha I'm getting anxious...lol
thanks!
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a very sweet poem, well written, good poems, with a nice rhymescheme. thank you very much for your entry, and good luck
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Excelent!
I really like it! And I love the couplet in the middle. it draws your attention, and it's also really heart-felt, and very descriptive. i love it
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Beautiful Cosmic Fabric:)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brilliant write. what does dystal mean?
I like the flow of your poem, there are alot of emotional triggers in your choices of words. Beauty is thy muse,
and here you have done it well!--Robert -
Beautiful, and with a positive conclusion,
Good luck and well done,
Sapphire -
awww! nali's awesome at poetry! i really got the message in this. very pretty
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thanks
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its really good! glad you wrote something new!
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i thought it was amazing....again, i like the loose rhyme scheme and the way it flows...the words are great....but you should have put a black and white back ground...that wont affect how i judge you, tho....great poem
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