Dearest;
How many times I sit here and think of how life would be different if you were still here. I often find myself asking, why you had to go. Yet, I know that yours and my Creator thought it best that way. I know that it may seem selfish, but I would rather this be you. I would love to be able to have you here to comfort me during this time, yet that wasn't in God's plan. I don't mean to question God, but sometimes I can't help but ask, "Why" I know that it wasn't your choice, but I miss you deeply. If only you could be here, I know I would be a different person. My personality and thoughts could be different, and so could everyone else in our family. The sweet, protecting guy that I know you could be, or the fun, caring sister, I miss.
I can't change the future, but I sure would like to tell you that I miss you and can't wait till I can see you. I know that things will never be the way that they could now, but I keep dreaming of you. I long to know what you looked liked, I want to know how your voice sounded. I need to be around you, and just ask, if I'm doing your job right? Am I being the best big sister that I can be? Do you see anything lacking? My fear is that I don't compare to you and sometimes I find myself saying that I wish you were her, and I know that it may be wrong to do so, but I wish you could take your place back an be that older sibling that i have always longed to have. Maybe then, they wouldn't say "I hate you" to me. Maybe then, I could go and cry to you. Maybe then I could crawl into your arms when I have been hurt.
But, NO, God didn't intend it to be like that, so I am satisfied. I know that I am in the right spot at the right time, and so, just know that I love you, and miss you still, but at the same time, I feel honored to take your place.
Author notes
Well, my mom had a misscarriage seven years before she had me. I have always imagined my older sibling to be a guy, but still, I have often thought about him. Lately though, I have craved for an older sibling more than ever. I am going through some rough times and I just wished that there could be someone else, older here that could help and take some resonsibility. I am not trying to write this to sound selfish in any way, but I was thinking about him/her and I wanted to write it down and get it off of my chest so that it is on paper, and out of my heart. To my unknown sibling: I can love you without ever meeting you, and I want you to know that I do. I miss you, but also, I can't wait to see you up in heaven were we will both be perfect! 
Written June 9th, 2006
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1 - 5 of 5
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love
wow so powerful
and emotional
i love it!
<3<3<3 -
oh.....Chelsea I knew you were having trouble , but not this bad....I know what you mean about wanting an older brother and all.
You know if there is anything i cando to help just let me know
Just don't turn away from God! Kepp looking to Him for answers.
Your sister and Friend,
Kimberly
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Awww Chelsea I love it it's...posotively...sad in someways lol well you know I'll be your big/little/twin sister LOL
I know how you feel (except the big sibling part) I fealt SAD when I found out about my sissy..Moriah Angel...and we send her balloons on her birthday (with little letters on them) but yeah and some of us (me momma daddy {i think})cries...
VERY SAD
Love ya for ever!!!!!
XOX
~Candi~Dsgirlie~
P.S this is THE LONGEST comment I have ever left! -
Thanks Tim, you are like an older brother and I love that but, it is so different. I know that you understand the pain of losing someone, and although I never knew my sibling, I have always wished I could have met him/her. I know though that I will see them up in heaven some day, and I can't wait, but I wished that he was still here. I really hate being the oldest sometimes and I wish sometimes that I could just lift off the load and place it upon another. Thanks though for always being there for me
I know that I can come to you for anything, and I thank you a lot. You are like a big brother to me, so....*hits you* there
~*Chelsea*~ -
I wrote you a long comment out on StoryWrite, but then something happened and it didn't go through. So I guess I'll just try to write it again on here....
At first I wasn't quite sure who this letter was to, but then I read your author's comments and it all made sense. Sometimes I wish I read the author's comments before the poem. Anyways, very heart-felt piece you've written here... I never knew this about you or that this was an issue for you. If I lived closer to you guys I could act more as an older sibling... all I can say is that I'm here for whenever you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on (but of course, you already knew that). A sad piece you wrote here, but also filled with hope and love.
My mom had a miscarriage before she had my older brother. And then inbetween my brother and I she had another baby who died shortly after birth. I haven't really thought about it that much, but I guess I'm sort of like you in this situation... I wish I had some older sybling that I could look up to as a role model and who was there to take the blame sometimes. I guess I try not to think about it that much.
Anyways, I'll be praying for you about this... I didn't know this was going on with you, but now I'll be praying for you. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. Thanks for sharing this
--Tim
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