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a Canadian window—two thousand & six

Outside the dust beyond one window. Outside,
room & wall, divides, harrowed by harsh pruning
American Wisteria hangs purple hearts on limbs

with a certain liberty, expected blooms
& Robins breed Thrush in sprigs of wood & leaves--
a fragile abundance. They seem

like invitees drawing home on the customary
calendar day, caught in current results, not realising
the perpetual danger of adjoining yards.

For some of us, their ritual returns affiliate well
with our guilt & apathy. Ever-gray-skies, gauntlet
daily drizzle, delighting us like frown-dials.

& Yet the fledgling weight of gravity in grass
more heavy than the claws of cats allow,
graves the lifted eyes

against reluctant will.
Though not
symbolic of our death: they are ethereal
as our resurgence, versus sins of deeper fault--

year--after--year. Again & again, they return
& yes the costly innocence, flowers briefly
above the lifeless shine
—brilliant blues hide, behind a sun & season

of abstracted days. They are & their barrage
continues in each stab of breast--& the pardon,
is & was, undoubtedly will be,

the indelible-persistence of birds swallowed-up
between a Bush Wolf's teeth,
an amnesty in bones.

& when they claim this peace, no God steps forth
with laurel wreaths. The Robins are not Saints.
The rainbow ends—fictitious.

Today it's rather quiet. Today there's merely war.


  


Author notes

AJMorelli featured Denise Levertov's: In California During the Gulf War as an exmaple in one of his recent contests. This is my view of it I suppose..
& the Levertov poem is well worth the read.




Written June 9th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • paullallady silver member
    September 10, 2006
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    good

    this is a good write. it flowed well
    and was so descriptive. I love descriptive
    pieces. good imagery and good write.

  • Creatress silver member
    September 8, 2006
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    I just stumbled upon this poem and I am so glad. This is so good it gives me a new idea of what poetry can be! Loved it! Thanks for sharing, best wishes
    ~Creatress
  • pozo
    August 9, 2006
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    Great write, with good combination of nature with the final thought of war. Keep writing, I liked the descriptive imagery here.
    All the best
    Pozo

  • allway aaron
    July 17, 2006
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    Beautiful

    The best thing I'VE read on this website. you are now my favorite. Beautiful imagery and metaphors. Your grasp of language is ineffably the best I've seen in so long that it hurts. I'm proud just to read this poem. " They seem like invitees...not realizing the perpetual danger of adjoining yards." I love every peice of those lines. I'm gonna stop bragging on you cause you don't even know who I am.

  • EstherG
    June 30, 2006
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    Excellent. Easily the best thing I’ve read today (and to quantify that, I’ve been on reading for about 3 hours). I know it’s not really that helpful when you get supposedly constructive criticism along the lines of, ‘this is great, don’t change anything’, but…this is great. Don’t change anything. The phrasing is flawless (‘American wisteria hangs purple hearts on limbs with a certain liberty’, ‘more heavy than the claws of cats allow’), the imagery is exquisite (‘Ever-gray-skies, gauntlet daily drizzle, delighting us like frown-dials’, ‘birds swallowed-up
    between a Bush Wolf's teeth, an amnesty in bones’)…in the nicest possible way, I’m very, very jealous of this.
    The ending is wicked: haunting, desolate, matter-of-fact. Devastating.

  • Ladybug
    June 27, 2006
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    this dribbles a description of velvet ink in paper of lilac fragrances that leave us too early in the year...
    a great written piece here
    congrats on the gold


    Tamara

  • June 13, 2006
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    You seem to get better and better: this has the clarity of one who squints into the truth through all that filth. Startling, and I never thought I'd say that about anyone but the Urwin, but it has the alarmingness and the juddering. I think I'm afraid of Americans. I'm afraid I can't help it. I'm afraid I can't. Indelible-persistence. I like it most when it drifts out of normal signification: gauntlet daily-drizzle, delighting us like frown-dials. I don't want to see any more body bags and I don't want to read any more affirmation of it all. This is an American site and I don't want to be here any more. Sorry. I love your poem.

  • Ink Shadow
    June 13, 2006
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    they say I can't applaud this poem.

  • Ink Shadow
    June 13, 2006
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    Congrats on the gold.

  • jantastic
    June 13, 2006
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    It's confetti time again. High fives & all that (ampersand dontcha know). I thought at one point the robins were going to try to nest in my cedar by the patio again this year but they haven't. There is only a scrap of nesting bits in there. Only war.
    The award is well-deserved again.

  • Amber Silverhair
    June 13, 2006
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    I agree it is easy to fall into the trap of using too many "and". It is a sign of laziness, I think. It is easy to say "and this and that" without working to make the words flow.

    Yes, you are right it is mixing visual signals.

    I was also taught to write using Fowler's Modern English Usage (revised) as an authority. It colours my outlook at times.

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 12, 2006
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    Interesting, and thank you for answering.. I find I have the same trouble with a write which uses many 'and's .. in words ..I find the repetition of the word.. jars me.. which is why I took up the ampersand.. simply for the 'shape' of it, which looks ..softer to me..

    I do understand your objection.. though I don't share the same trouble with mixing visual symbols..

    which is what it seems to be.. yes?

    Edited on Jun 13 because ''.

  • Amber Silverhair
    June 12, 2006
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    Mainly because it is an abreviation in a poem which does not use abbreviations. For instance if you wrote a poem like this the ampersand would fit:

    They left @ 6pm, ltd in what they could carry
    She / the load with him taking slightly less %
    ! he said. I 8 lunch & went out early

    I also find it visually jarring in a poem of words.

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 12, 2006
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    If you don't mind me asking.. because I'm genuinely curious, what is your objection to the ampersand?? other than you don't like it.. other people have made comments on it as well.. and I am quite interested ..in the why.. ?

  • Amber Silverhair
    June 12, 2006
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    There are some beautiful images created in this poem and it has the potential to be a most moving poem.

    However, this poem was really spoiled for me by the use of the ampersand instead of the word "and". To use it to begin a line as well!

  • Zayra Yves gold member
    June 12, 2006
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    I like the edits. Great poem.

  • Jaden silver member
    June 12, 2006
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    Yes, a very good entry indeed. Well done.

  • nichtmich silver member
    June 12, 2006
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    Kudos

    This is really unusual format than one usually sees here. I'm trying to understand how it works. Would love to try it sometime Love the double meaning and the imagery and comparisons. Bravo!!!
  • Nicole Hanna
    June 12, 2006
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    I appreciate the author comments almost as much as the poem, as it's a piece (the one mentioned in your notes) I'm not overly familiar with, and will be on a hunt all night trying to track down. lol. The last four lines are quite the cincher for me, as the entire poem culminates so perfectly into those lines. It builds so subtley that I hardly realize I'm holding my breath until I reach the end. Ah how sweet the "ethereal as our resurgence" line. Sigh. I think I can [finally] go to sleep tonight having felt totally poetically satisfied... all from that one line. lol.

  • Rowan gold member
    June 11, 2006
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    Whoa..after readind such well thought out critiques and praise.
    Can I just say, I loved it..lol?!
    I spent alot of time here today reading, and I have to say, I have added alot of people to my favorites, and my hands are red from clapping!
    I clicked on this mainly because I'm Canadian..lol!
    And I am, so glad I did.
    You are a very talented poet.
    You humble me, and make me remember why I come here.
    Thank you for sharing this!

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 10, 2006
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    Thank you.. yes ..you're right.. It always seems to be the smallest things that can throw things off, and I tend to think it helps when other people notice them.. they're like typos.. easily missed in many subsequent reads. lol
    Edited on Jun 10, 5:12 p.m. because ''.

  • Ink Shadow
    June 10, 2006
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    If your subject is Outside then divides can be the right form of the verb. In that case room & wall act as appositive. Why would outside be "room and wall". Besides you will also need a comma after L1. In that case you may remove the comma at the end of L2.

    D

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 10, 2006
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    Yes I was attmepting to do that with N and V.. I don't know if it carries quite as well as I would have liked it to, but I was trying to get past the 'house'.. which is why divides is there.. and why I need a comma.. I didn't realise I was missing..



    Yes the first sentence is incomplete, and perhaps not the best choice for what I did, but I was trying something.. lol.

    The reason I stopped after they seem is simply mechanics..

    a fragile abundance, they seem ( is backwards.. yet it holds on its own as a sentence )

    and the they seem.. continues in the next stanzas metaphor..

    in theory..

  • Ink Shadow
    June 10, 2006
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    enjambment and run on text joke: enjambment is enforced when any line looks tiringly stretched, and needs tension. Typically it depends on the verse, motif, theme, emotional complex where you employ it. It has a great importance, and is not just run on text. For example: enjambment is used to keep a reader's interest, as to what would be the next line, or more precisely action. Enjambments are best when employed nearest to transitive verbs!

    About the poem:

    First line doesn't have a verb, even if your intention was to launch with a sentence fragment may not be an intelligent decision. S1 L2: room & wall divides has subject(N-dash)verb mismatch. While I liked the imagery of room & wall divide, but for me division of room & wall carry the same meaning in this context. But then question is why would room and walls divide outside. I have a question: are you intending to disentangle N (narrator) from V (view, not verse). If so an interesting idea...

    "American Wisteria hangs purple hearts on limbs" this is a brilliant image! The image of climbing wisteria is simply fabulous! (you are a genius). In second stanza: some of the lines look outstetched(especially L2 looks outstretched, not only on page). What I mean is this: new young is an overkill...may need either new or young (or if there is a substitute for young robins ); if you break L2 after sprigs it may have better tension. While I see people commend enjambment decisions: I see no reason to start a new stanza after "they seem". Essentially the next line is part of same view.

    This is an excellent poem, worthy of a critique. I will return back with my scattered thoughts on the remaining parts.

    D





    Edited on Jun 11, 7:28 p.m. because ''.

  • NoWayJo
    June 10, 2006
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    yes, I've read the Levertov poem previously and your poem is equally as eloquently written, Almost. More than just a keeper, too. I've an anthology, "Poets Against the War" which involves writing from poets from laureates and well-published renowned writers to an 8-year-old with sentiments ranging on so many levels. This poem should be in that anthology...and it's not by quick pat-on-the-back commentary I'm saying that. it's truly touching and leads the read line-by-line, image-by-image to sense for themselves without the poem itself really making a powerful outward political statement either way.

    beautiful writing, and I'm glad I came to read it.

    Jo

  • johnswails
    June 10, 2006
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    Wonderful imagery. I can't help but detect a duality in the message. Well done.

  • bobanonymous
    June 9, 2006
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    Defiantly a Keeper

  • DogFish silver member
    June 9, 2006
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    I read the rules to this contest and could only think that it was mostly toung-in-cheek since i could only understand half of it...that aside,this poem is really wonderful to read,like looking into a weedy garden where each examination brings into view another annonomus bloosom or strang and amazing six-legged creature one has never seen before.A very rich and enjoyable work:thank you!

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 9, 2006
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    Enjambment: The continuation of a syntactic unit from one line of verse into the next line without a pause [courtesy of WordWeb]

    I think it's just a fancy way of saying a creative sentence.


  • Sir Ima Cucumber
    June 9, 2006
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    Why do they call it enjambment? Why not just call it either a continuation or a sentence (which is often all it really is.) Okay, I'm done...I just had an inquiring moment.

    Some things can't be defeated...and they are usually those things that are essential to the human spirit...like freedom, truth, our right to justice, to knowledge. I see your vines as these, despite how we defile it, deny it, attempt to circumvent it...it lives on. The zealots may attempt to regulate humanity, but it has never worked for long and never will. As you say, "there's merely war" and that is all it is...just war.

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 9, 2006
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    Thank you Al..

    very much..

  • AJ Morelli gold member
    June 9, 2006
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    This is simply wonderful, your use of enjambment is superb. The voice so pure and imagery so strong. One of the best I've read in a long while. Bravo.

    al
  • robster1225
    June 9, 2006
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    I really liked this poem. The descriptions were awesome. There was a moment, as said above where I was a little lost, but overall I liked it.

  • macandrew
    June 9, 2006
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    An endless abundance of purple hearts, just what the world needs. Next they will be painting the roses red.

    A very interesting form on this one.

    Thanks
    John

  • ariosto gold member
    June 9, 2006
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    I loved the first one, I'll need to read this one over a few times and Levertovs as well. This one seesm a bit longer.
    I'm not sure about the year after year afer year thing either.
    D

  • grannyeri gold member
    June 9, 2006
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    Really quite different that the first one you wrote, which I thought I had commented on before. Liked the picture and the way this was written. Check the year after yeare section - costly, did you want a period after flowers in that section?
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