Teats
The cows would not graze in
my presence
turned their utters of disgust
Though I was bared for sucked
teat, much as they, I do not
breed in such ease
But fought that of prevailing thrust,
of the male bulls that threw
sack against it
Toss me to the dirt road then,
I know I am not welcome
here…
Nor did I even have to ask
Before the spinal cord
sever,
But you clever blade,
you cut the feel away
To have me lax in your prescience
You cover me in cashmere
Name me minx
Oh,
but could I fall to you
And so say no more but deplete
along your nucleus,
A melting pot of sweetness
I cannot savour in this
form
Do not talk to me of marbled white
and kissed lip abstraction
But I would have milked for you anyways,
Let you drink of me what I know
still untouched
Were not the color of my cheeks,
long past sunset.
Author notes
...
Apparently, the picture violates site regulations. So I will have to put the link to the picture used to write off, for this contest here:
www.daniellee.
Written June 9th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- 400 points, complicated! by Genuine Solitaire.
400 points, ended June 14, 2006, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win A Gold Trophy? by Nam.
525 points, ended October 19, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
Gutsy and earthy, there are many brilliant lines that beckon and seduce the reaeder. Best of luck.
-
i completely absorbed the line 'you cut the feel away'... it's brutal good
lines 20-22 have me thinking of a dominant male... one who lavishes in hope of controlling... maybe it is where my mind is at
juicy write
-
so many layers and meanings
to this piece and the artwork brings an absurdism into play. The writing is gripping so many words which have an impact on the reader... sever the cord.., have me lax in prescience... some amazing visualizations for the reader and thought provoking ideas...PK
-
Yeah, I don't know why they removed it either, but they did. I was just too tired to fight them. This one took gold too! ^^-^^
And yes, I bet this piece was clever. It was a double influence though, not just the pic. -
strange, i thought I left a comment here. good thing I decided to come to this one to check first, though.
i checked out the pic. why does it violate site regulations?? it looks like a woman/cow... and if you mark it adult who the hell cares what it looks like anyway?
anywho, the piece is rather interesting.... i like the way you just metaphored everything with cows. I thought that was rather unique... although after seeing the picture, I do realize it was inspired by the pic.
It all sounded way too clever...
anywho... my favorite part... which broke my heart:
Toss me to the dirt road then,
I know I am not welcome
here… -
You're so happy you cry? (I'm so happy that I can't stop crying... yeah, that's a song. A country one, I think).
-
It's been so long since you reviewed.... ~sniff sniff~
I'm so happy!
-
I woke up with an extreme case of the guilts today. I've fallen so behind that it'll take me forever to catch up! Which isn't like me (at least on your work)...
But anyway...
I'm so glad that you got back in the swing of things. I knew you had it in you, though. I just had to wait patiently.
The picture disturbs me. I hate age as it is... could you see me worrying about multiple sagging? And then... all the bras I would go through. Good lord.
:But you clever blade," I like that. Very interesting way of putting it. I keep thinking, though, that there should be a comma after you. Maybe I'm just a comma whore (it may be true. I never know)???
You used the word minx! Ah! I was saving that one for a good one, and you had to one up me! (Is it sad that I learned that word from a Black Stallion book? I loved that series growing up. I'm a horsey girl. 
)
Basically? I like this.
(One down, a milzillion to go!)
-
God, this is amazing, I'm glad I gave you that picture, you've got the right mindset for it! Good work my friend, I'm sorry, but I can't let your friend enter, I don't have any more pictures to give out, If i had more I wouls definately let her in.
Kissing
-
That picture is so freaking amazing! I really liked the picture and I think to depicted it perfectly with your poem. Wonderfully done! I don't think I would have known what to write if I had been given this picture. Keep it up and good luck in the contest.
xRapunzelx -
I agree with tomisb. His comment is what I thought but could not put into words so eloquently. Your disdain for a would be lover that thinks of you as only a sex object is clearly evident. I think your picture reinforces the image some men have of women however I feel two are quite sufficient.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
I don't think Melodies got the point of your teats...lol. Anyway, this was weirdly fascinating. I liked the line about cutting the feel away, especially after the severed spinal cord metaphor. Anyway, interesting...and weird.
-
ok my mind has been left completely blank.. still not qute sure to do with the imagery that is now burned into my skull.. hums... well yes my brain has now wondered off. not my typical kind of poetry but still something is very striking about his entire poem...
-
My childhood was spent on a farm during the summers when I visited my grandparents. This poem about teats is quite funny to me, actually.
-
I see. Perhaps tomorrow after sleep, come back and read it then, to pull its point. Thanx for your time.
-
consider me a random poetry trawler... was reading your poetry a while back and i remember you as being well thought out and intelligent in your writing.
I have read over that line a good couple time but it still doesn't "gel" in my head... c'est la vie
Think it is sleep deprivation rather than anything else.
Thanks for clarifying - me think me has lost the plot
Shall wander of into the dark coners of AP now. Thanks for the reply anyway!
I like your work and think you certainly have a wonderful talent.
Keep up the good work! -
To nesorb:
~~I'm not sure that i'm reading it correctly and it's not like you to make silly mistakes like that....~~
It's not like me? But I'm afraid that's a bit familiar of you. Who are you, that I don't recognize you by this name? But no, it is not an error. It is a slight personification. -
To tomisb:
hmmm.... But you're a clever one. Not shabby for an interpertation... -
and now for something completely different... LOL...this was a bit abstract for me.... peace and harmony...shzoosy
-
Interesting picture...
you know it makes me feel a bit like regressing...or grabbing a big glass of milk...and i don't even drink milk! 
Here is what is brilliant:
"of the male bulls that threw
sack against it"
YIKES! have i ever told you how awesomely dramatic you are dear spider? and drama always carries power, and here is no exception. and you are gathering and growing in it...
and all to find a corpse in the end??!! death does not become you in my opinion...though your motions are strong and deliberate and deliberately strong...you are alive.
fabulous.
-
Well... this is an unusual write and quite an interesting photo too.
*critical bit*
I am confussed by this line - "you cut the feel away"
Is this correct or should it be feeling? I'm not sure that i'm reading it correctly and it's not like you to make silly mistakes like that.... pehaps it is deliberate and just me being dumb. Please explain!
Thanks as always for another wonderful poem.
xXx
Nessie! -
There is a cold fire of disdain behind this mockery of erotica. You know your forms well and use the symbols of sexuality to throw out your disgust on those who seek sex and those who abuse it. I sense most of all you feeling of disgust towards those who by abusing one who would love them and give them everything are unable by want of sensitivity and/or intelligence to value what they could of had. I like your sharp tongue and velvet use of the knife. I think no matter how handicapped I would never bet on your opponent. Tom B.
-
oooh. very different. I like it a lot. it is shorter than a lot of your others, but that works really well, as the shortness keeps the readers attention. really odd picture..
well done
jess
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
