Suicide Note

One of the many questions that has plagued me for quite a long time is why people write suicide notes. What’s the point in it? Nobody’s going to read it until their dead anyway, it’s almost like a voice coming back from beyond the grave to explain something, or say something. But why?

Do they do it so that they can feel justified in their actions? So that they feel that actually, it was ok to leave everyone that they had ever loved or had ever loved them? If they’re going to kill themselves, then they obviously feel that they have a good enough to do it, so they don’t need to bother explaining themselves.

So what else could it be? To pin the blame on somebody? Somebody has made their life so bad that they killed themselves, so they want to make that person feel as crappy as possible. Make them wallow in their guilt, until life becomes too awful for them as well. What’s the point? Either, they’re already going to be feeling pretty damn awful, as they know it was their fault. If they don’t, then they obviously don’t feel it was their fault, and won’t care afterwards either. And if they do feel bad, then what’s it going to achieve? Either they’ll get over it, or they’ll feel bad enough that they kill themselves, and all that’s going to achieve is another pointless death.

Or maybe they want to get what’s been bothering them off their chest. Will this really help? People probably don’t care for the most part! And if they do care, what is it going to do to them? They might berate themselves for not noticing, or not doing anything about it. Or maybe they’ll notice what you’ve seen, and then the same thing will happen to them.

Maybe it’s because you’re scared. You’re scared about taking the final step, about finally taking the plunge, pitching yourself off that final precipice into death. But of course, you’ve got this far, you can’t be scared now… can you? You’re just putting off the final moments until you finally go. Just like all the other points, it’s not going to achieve anything.

Finally, are you just saying goodbye to all those that you love? If you are, then why didn’t you say goodbye to their face? Did you think that you wouldn’t be able to? And if you have someone that it’s worth saying goodbye to, why are you killing yourself anyway?

All this talk of why people write suicide notes, I’m such a hypocrite. I don’t need justification, why should people care about why I want to kill myself? No-one’s been making me feel bad, and there’s nothing really that’s bothering me, nothing that anyone else needs to know anyway. I don’t think I’m scared. If I was, could I write this so calmly? I think not .And I have no-one that I need to say goodbye to. Save, maybe, anyone who actually reads this.

So if you have taken the time to read this entire note, I thank you for listening to me, for at least a short period of time. And, goodbye.