You're not going to beat me anymore, I yelled as I cried
but inside I know that I lied.
Trying to make excuses in my mind,
for him being so unkind.
My family and friends always said to get out,
but they had no idea what living like this was about.
The death threats on family and friends lives,
if I dare take their advice.
So I stayed and things got worse
I thought that I had been cursed.
Not knowing what to say or do,
It was like walking on eggshells without any shoes.
He took my self respect, confidence and soul,
with each and every new blow.
One morning while he was at work,
I thought that I could end all my problems by leaving this earth.
I worried what my children would think,
was it their fault, or was their mom weak.
So that night as he lay in restful slumber,
I held a knife to his chest with wonder.
I knew that if I used this knife to end his life,
That I would be the one to pay.
After weighing the pros and cons of what I was comptemplating to do,
I put the knife down, and knew I was the one with more to loose.
Talking to myself to calm down,
I did not know How,
Or when,
Or Where,
But I was going to get out,
I wanted to shout.
I slipped back into bed, and silently laid down my head,
Wondering how this nightmare would ever end?
Author notes
option#1 and option 2 for options for all contest "flowing red embers"
This really happened in my life, if I can inspire just one person to get out of this situation it will all be worth the pain it took to write this. God Bless
Written June 8th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything Goes. by BurnBrandMemory.
350 points, ended November 20, 2006, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Love, Fantasy? by --Beautiful--.
550 points, ended February 18, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options for all by BarbedWireButterfly.
650 points, ended February 7, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Dark, Pain, Hell, Sorow, Tears, Sad, Creepy, Scary, Vampires, And Bloodly Poetry by Xgeekdreamgonewrong.
300 points, ended March 4, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - First Year Anniversary At AP! by Trixie08.
300 points, ended March 2, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes... As long as it's deep... by CrystalJet.
450 points, ended March 3, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything by youngsoldier852.
500 points, ended February 14, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - dark prewrites only!!! by Gasp.
660 points, ended February 15, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me Your Immortal Words by Lord Darius Avalion.
600 points, ended February 22, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your prewrites!!!!! by Nereida Nightshade.
450 points, ended February 19, 2007, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
-
Greetings! I like go back to a poets first poem and hopefully bring back memories for them! This is a sad poem, but it touched me. I was in a abusaive relationship for the longest time and the wanting to get out is strong, but like you said, what would your children think? The threats and what not...
May God's face shine upon you. May He cause His grace to cover you in this day. Blessed are those who seek His word.
Spreading love,
Miley -
-
Thanks it has been a long time since this poem. Thanks for reading again it means the world too me. I will be down to your page soon. Love and hugs Theresa
-
-
weighing ourselves
so often we weigh ourselves against things and people around us. seeing how the scale comes to a rest. This is an older write but it still pains me to read it. You did do a wonderful job writing it. Putting it out for us to see. I hope for you the best then, now and in the future. The scale is heavy on whatever side you are on. remember that.
brian
-
wow I am certainly impressed.
Does not happen often.
Kudos. Keep it up. ^_^
-
i know your in alot of contests here but please follow the rules of mine fix this or i will not read your poem
-
this was a great poem and an eye opener for sure...your wwords were strong emotional powerful and the flow was great keep writting your talented
-
Wow, this is really good... It shows such pain, and emotion. I like how you made it rhyme it really added to the poem. Good luck in my contest as well as in the others.
-
Powerful.
Oh wow. This poem is just wow. I am honestly speechless. Its just it has this wonderful flow to it and it is so full of strong meaning and emotion. Sigh, wish I could write as good as you!! Well keep up the powerful writes!
-
Oh wow, this is so deep. You completely grabbed me in this story of real life. This is outstanding, i can't express how amazing your writing is!!!!! This is just so good. You have put so much feeling and pain in this that it can't help bu rub off onto the reader. Pure talent!!!
Michelle
!!!!(Hood_Winked)!!!!
-
dont liek the rhyme dont really get the story and its not all that dark...then agian it could jsut be me, good poem but not what im lookign for.tahnks for entering
xXxJosh R.xX -
Wow, true life?
Deep girl. -
you can see the use of emotion very clearly. you wrote it really well. good job and thnx for puttin da option in, i appreciate it. thnx for entering and good luck
-
My biggest issue with rhyme is when the meter is entirely too inconsistent to support its use. There are 15 syllables in your first line, and only 7 in the second. If you had followed this scheme throughout the entire poem, it might have worked, but the following stanzas change each time.
In the first sanza, you state that you yelled and cried, which seems repetitive, and the end-line rhyme is a bit obvious. You could try to incorporate subtle rhyme, or words that don't blatantly go so easily together.
In the second stanza you use "him", but the "him" is addressed as "you" in the first stanza. You should stick with one or the other. Use "him" all the way through, or use "you" all the way through.
In the third stanza, you suggest that living this life was horrible, but you don't describe what makes it horrible, so the reader is then left with only the vaguest emotional impression, and feeling a little empty. No, we don't have any idea what it's like, so it's your job to tell us, and this way, we'll be able to relate.
"one morning while he was at work..." this stanza struck me as an entry in a journal, and not grammatically creative enough. The great thing about poetry is that you can play around with the grammar and word placement in order to strengthen the message you are trying to relay. I would suggest playing around with the order of phrases in your poem and see the difference it makes.
The last line of your poem is very cliche. You would do better to leave it off. After all, the tone you've set in the piece should suggest it's a nightmare already. Ending with "slipped into bed, rest my head" would be better, though the rhyme in that line really isn't captivating enough with which to finish off a poem.
I can feel the start of what you are trying to express, but all the emotions that COULD be here, seem to fall to the side because there are so little rich imagery and vocabularly for the reader to grasp on to -
This is so sad. My heart was pounding the whole time I was reading it. I felt as though I could feel the feeling in this poem. Confusion, frustration, not knowing what to do. Great job. Well done. Good luck.
~Oka
-
I'm sorry
Wow this is a sad story...Great poem...Real emotion like this is what makes the best poems but real emotion is what hurts most. Thank you for sharing this with the world. I don't know if i could say i have a favorite part in this cause it is so sad...but the most powerful line is "I worried what my children would think,was it their fault, or was their mom weak." Very powerful and i know i as a daughter would feel it was my fault if my mother did that. Thank you for entering and good luck! -
this was excellent
i loved it so much
great write
-
Scary...
I am utterly speechless... and not sure what to say! I do hope that this is fictitious though!!! I would be most sorry if it is not!!!
GREAT JOB and good luck!!!
-
awwwww Aunt Theresa im so glad you writed this im sure the pain it tokk to write was worf it in the end n hopefuly by writin it it released a bit of pain from inside xxxxx ~cheeky~ xxxxxx
-
Thank you my dear friend for all your great and wonderful comments it means so much to know that you care and that you like my poetry. I love yours as well
-
Fantastic
You have some talent. I'm always so speechless after reading your work. I am so very sorry that you have to face all this in your life, but you are an insperation to people in a similar situation. I am so glad you were strong enough to break free from all that. Thank you for sharing this fantastic poem and thank you for telling us read about something thats obviously hurtful to write about. x x x
xbrokenfairywingsx -
Thank you for your great comments. and thank you for letting me enter your contest
-
This is another nice write. Glad you entered the contest.
This one has a lot to think about, and there are a lot of feelingd expressed.
I liked reading this one.
Good Luck in my contest -
Thank you I just write from my heart and soul, whatever I may be feeling at that time is what goes on the paper. Thank you for reading and caring it means so much to me
-
I can see why this was a winner, you amaze me sometimes with your words..nice job hun!
-
Thank you so much for the wonderful comments
-
successful
WOW!!! you have such wonderful talent. You could tell this was from the heart. I enjoyed it very much. But it also saddened me. Good write! -
Thank you so much for the wonderful and heartfelt comments, I am so glad that I have inspired someone. It means the world to me to help someone else from what has happened to me in my life. Thanks again
-
bleeding eternal, Thank you for your wonderful comments. They mean the world to me. Thank you so much again
-
WOW... congradulations on winning the contest with this poem... this poem is amazing, it' hurts me, but it's amazing, you have been through so much, and yet you are so strong, i look up to you in a way that you could never believe, i look to your strength... once again this was an amazing write... i very much ejoyed reading this... and thankyou... take care, xox ~Ashley~
-
WOW... congradulations on winning the contest with this poem... this poem is amazing, it' hurts me, but it's amazing, you have been through so much, and yet you are so strong, i look up to you in a way that you could never believe, i look to your strength... once again this was an amazing write... i very much ejoyed reading this... and thankyou... take care, xox ~Ashley~
-
wow this is a beautiful poem. i dont know what to say im speechless. its just so full of emotion..wow...
-
No problem and I went to your site and saw the picture of Jasmine she is so cute congrats on such a beautiful little girl.
-
Thanks for caring and thank you for letting me enter your contest
-
That is a great poem very personal and I am glad you wrote it. There are so many people in the world like that they don't cry who they hurt. I am glad you enter my contest great write absoultley great.
-
Thank you again for reading this, yes it was a horrible situation but I made it through with Gods help. Thank you so much.
-
wow . this write is very deep , and it reaches out to touch my very soul . wonderful write . i am SO sorry that you had/have to go through this .
you are in my prayers
-
Thank you so much for reading and liking my poem, this was actually what happened to me. I thank you for letting me be in your contest. Thanks again and I hope that you get lots of entries
-
Deep, emotional, and awesome is what describes this poem. Beautiful write and good luck!
Isabel
-
I know that they would have and my ex would kill me and my family if he could find me. But I am here now and I take one day at a time. Hopefully he won't be in the next one. Thank you again for your wonderful comments they mean so much to me, take care and bless you.
-
excellent
Aaawww honey - anguish that just bleeds out of your words. I admit, to my great sorrow and shame, that I contemplated ridding the earth of my abuser more than once. He told me if I left him, he and his friends would find me and kill me. Everyone thought I was being melodramatic, but you and I know he meant it. I am so glad I was lad to this poem, it is great.
hugs WolfHeart -
I really liked the way you were able to put the true feelings of frustration, desperation and anguish of being in this situation into words. It really took me through every emotion and allowed me to feel it from your point of view. It seemed a well thought out write.
-
thank you for your comment. Yes I as so lucky to have gotten out thanks for your comments, they mean so much too me. Thanks again
-
WOW! This is a great poem. I am sorry you had to go through this, though. It is such a horrible abuse. I wish that abuse was never invented.. Good descripion and I am glad, even though he was a son of a ------, you didn't kill him..
Keep up the great work!
-Sarina -
I am so sorry that you had to go through witnessing this horrible abuse. It not only hurts the one being abused but all around. I still deal with the ghosts everyday, thank you for your heartfelt and sincere comments.
-
very sad but great poem
very deep poem I have been with my wife for 15 years and i have never lifted my hand to her what this world needs is more love and less hate sadly there are people who do not care if they hurt people or not when i was growing up I watched as my mom was beat twice with a broken jaw but i was to small to help they say that wich does not kill us only makes us stronger my mom has had some hard times but she has turned out to be a wounderfull pearson even after the things she has done to me -
Thanks again for your caring comment, you have been the best. thanks for reading my poem. Thanks theresa
-
I am sorry for your exp. This is a deep and very emotional poem. I glade to read through your comments that your life has gotten better. THrough exp i think through harsh experiences is what molds us to be what we are today.
-
This poem is actually about me, yes I did get out and I am now remarried to the love of my life and we have a beautiful baby daughter that we adopted. I still have a lot of pain inside, and I just started putting the words on paper the other day. I am so glad that you like my work. It means the world coming from you such a experienced poet. And yes I write from the heart, I believe that is where true poets are born, that is just my opinion though. Again thank you, tawk
-
This is a very deep poem. But it has been drawn from a life experience. I have a few myself that are like this and yes, they, too, were very hard to write. But I knew I must in order too get it all out in the open.
I hope everything is going well for you now. You take care. Love ans hugs...
~Donna~ -
Wow, this is a very sad piece. Writing definitely helps us express ourselves and release whatever demons we have haunting us and I think you did a great job freeing yourself in this poem
-
Thank s for the nice comment this story is actually about me. It was very hard for me to write, I am glad that you liked it . thanks again
-
deeeeeeeeeeeeeep
-
great comment
Thank you I wrote this poem from my own life experiences and pain, I am glad that you liked it. thank you again tawk -
i like this piece its really deep
Adding your comment:
1 - 54 of 54
