What was Lorusso thinking?
When he painted us this way?
About to go and leave you,
I am now stuck at this door.
Forever in the arms of this Man.
Author notes
Ack, I am never good when not allowed to use rhyme!
Ah well, It looked like the Lady's face was sad. I wondered why and thought that maybe he is leaving. But that would be soo obvious so instead I came up with this.
Written June 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- for poets with under 5 trophies only please... by Lavender Butterfly.
300 points, ended June 9, 2006, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Thank you very much for your comment.
A nice picture by the way.
Thanks again.
Samantha x -
Oh this is very clever and certainly made me smile. Thank you for this entry... x LB
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I would love to have done more with it Aled. But 30 words is not a lot!
I am pleased with what I was able to get from it. Thanks for your comments, they were encouraging
Samantha xxx -
Not much you can do with 30 words though.
Thanks for the comment!
Samantha x -
Interesting write Sam, interesting to see what you can come up with when having to impose rules to your writing, and while this is very different from your usual pennings, it has an elegance to it that doesn't show with your rhyming work. Maybe it could do with a bit more description, but as it is it gives a simple eloquence to it.
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Ok well to start off i think you have the right grounds her for a poem. I think that it could be improved with more description and/or metaphors. Its a good rule to either make it short a poignant or longer. Good try though and good luck in the contest
x_Lottie
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