So here you stand, your little hand
Upon a massive door
Not quite sure, if where you were
Is where you were before
The doorway brought a certain thought
A thought you can't ignore
The thought repeats, in rhythmic beats
"There's doom behind this door"
You shake and blink, and try to think
Of how you made it here
What horrid thing, could ever bring
On something so severe
There's a wall that's much too tall
On both your left and right
Beneath your feet is hard concrete
Above your head, a light
You turn around, and then you found
A wall that's painted black
You don't perceive a way to leave
There is no going back
You start to fear, how you got here
Your mind begins to doubt
How do you know where you should go
When in is only out?
Soul and mind were then confined
Into this tiny room
Just a door, you stand before
That houses certain doom
Your mortal head begins to dread
What's on the other side
What things await their human bait
To feast upon your hide
And as you stood, you touch the wood
Your mind begins to speak
This wooden door, it seemed to store
The answers that you seek
Your mind complying, thinks of dying
Pondering this thought
You see the blunder, when you wonder
The is of what is not
You wait no more, and kick the door
And witness what's within
You cannot wait, it is your fate
So let the end begin
You cannot think about the brink
For it will wreck your nerves
A man must cross, and take his loss
And get what he deserves.
Author notes
Written June 7th, 2006
I've always liked the idea of being faced with this very situation when you're sent to hell. You still have all your memories, all your free will and freedom... but only one choice. You can stand in front of the door as long as you want, but eventually you have to conciously make the effort to walk through... and face an eternity of torment.
Now THAT's hell
Contest note : Option 3, your version of hell.
A contest entry
- Dante's Inferno by lesbian-in-love.
655 points, ended December 12, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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sweet!
congrats!!!
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Wonderfully. The rhyming was very good. I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks so much for entering and good luck to you in the contest.
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First of all, the rhyming is really good, I love your rhyming scheme and the internal rhymes!
I love how you took the reader along from stanza to stanza, until the end.
Also, I think this was not only well written, but also contains an interesting and quite unusual idea... I never thought of/about going to hell like this... That thought is quite scary...
Thanks for sharing your talent here!
Keep up the amazing work!
Annie 
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amazing mental image and great discriptive work i just loved this poem
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I like the subject, however, I'm not too big on the trick rhyme. I think you could have allowed yourself a little more freedom to develope your image with this language is less words with a different form. Other than that, I will say it was fun to read. I like the little tidbit in the authors comment too. Never thought of it like that. Oh, one more thing. The line "You start to fear, how you got here" the meter sounds a little off when I read that. Might want to consider revising.
-Jake
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I might agree that the tricky rhyme scheme is a little limiting here if I wasn't the one who wrote it heh, there are times where I try to use this rhyme scheme and it completely bogs me down. I found with this one it went rather smoothly though, thanks for reading!
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I must comment at the fact that I LOVE THIS RHYME SCHEME! Seriously, it is very smooth. The first stanza really showed it. Sorry, but to me, first impressions make up a lot of a persons view of a poem.
Very original and creative. Great write and you're amazing.
YAY! teehee.
-Chasey
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I think this is something that many of us at one tmie or another have thought about but you have captured it so well within the excellent pace of this poem. The flow and imagery are perfect and really give the reader something to sit up and think about. Many of us may have thought about this but how many have actually penned it as well as you have here? I think if this were entered in a contest it would blow the competition away. Really a pleasure to read.
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I dig it too!
I've pondered this very thought myself, for hours, and still havent come to any solution!
But I guess none of us will know until it happens!
well done
luv coop xxoo
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Dig it!
I totally dig it! I mean, yay for all those who get to go to Heaven...but what nuds it takes those to walk through that door.....rather an intense and intimidating though. You have really captured the moment well.....dig it!
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a good piece with a good rhythm though in parts your past and present tense are mixed up.
for example, you are speaking in the present tense then
You turn around, and then you found
you suddenly swap it to the past then return back to the present.
spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Wow thank you very much.. that's one of the nicest comments I've received on this site... thanks
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Wow.
In near perfect meter, if not perfect. It rhymes in all the right places, and is consistant in topic. Best rhyming poem I've seen in a long time. Absolutely outstanding. -
WOW!!!!! This poem is amazing i really like this write. i like the flow of the poem and how you stuck to the topic most poems i have read have drifted off into another topic. i really like this piece i really do. great job keep up the excelent work
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YES!
A rhyming poem that I like! And not only like, but love! This adhered to a strict meter, rhymed in all the right places, had a great rhythm, and I love the internal rhyming. LOVE it.
Thanks so much for your comments on my piece. And wonderful work on this!
Elizabeth
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