It’s gone – and in the still and slanting light,
The simmered heat of summer afternoon,
A gaping shadow-dark, a piece of night
Makes blankness in my soul; I sigh, “Too soon!”
Oh, that an open door could sing of loss,
Peeled paint could call bereavement to my mind,
A chance benighted in a single toss,
And dust, and loneliness, be left behind.
Becalmed, but broken only by a bird –
A quick diagonal to bless my eyes –
The oblong maw will utter not one word
To ease my heart, so burdened by its lies!
Will I still stand here when the day is done,
When darkness salves my sight, and murmur “Gone”?
Author notes
The verse-form is a standard English sonnet.
Written June 7th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Let Your Words Inspire the Photograph by Toni A Christman.
400 points, ended July 31, 2006, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Very evocative indeed. I see you won a trophy with this one. Someone told me you were a good writer of sonnets - now I believe them!
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Actually, it closed some time ago, and I got the gold
Thank you very much indeed.
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Awesome write...Very imaginative in such a 'plain' picture...goodluck in the contest...
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Thank you for the praise, Legend.
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A wonderful Silver poem.One that i really did enjoy reading.Thank you so much .And congratulations on your well earned award
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Thanks grannyeri - it was a silver, but it felt good anyhow!
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Great interpretation of this picture. Congratulations on winning gold in this contest. Some unique entries, as is this one.
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Thanks Pam, very kind of you to say so
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Bravo!!
Wonderful. I can't believe I missed this on the first read. Congratlations on your wonderful trophy. Truly deserving of this and much more. Excellent. ~Pam
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Thanks for giving me something so evocative to work on.
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Thank you for your beautiful entry in our contest. Your command of the sonnet form is truly something to admire. There are so many possibilities for the metaphor of this poem, a difficult accomplishment at best. I favor thinking you are speaking of a love gone lost; however, not in a garage. Your carefully chosen words reflect a command of the language that I must admire. It is not everyday I speak of “oblong maws” and “benighted chances”; yet, their placement in the poem left no doubt as to your intent to work with them on a purely conversational level. I’m all brought into the conversation all through the poem. Quite well done, and a wonderful entry to our contest. Thank you for bringing this work to the group. Best, Toni
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Thanks Richard, I'm glad you like it.
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well written
This is a well-written sonnet with an air of mystique in a clouded theme. It is emotional and sincere. It seems extremely personal as it is written from the poet's inner heart.
You evoke a feeling of emptiness, yet there is an emotion full of sympathy and sorrow. Herein lies a question for the reader
Congratulations, and thank you for entering our competition...Richard..
Edited on Jun 21, 10:08 because 'typo'. -
Laura - thank you. I am glad you liked this one - I enjoyed writing it.
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Beautiful write. A haunted, desperate mood flows with this write and the imagery is amazing. To write a truly great poem you have to be able to draw your readers in and make them see what you see and feel what you feel and with this piece you have done both. I feel I should also applaud your word choice not because you really stretched your vocabulary on this one but because you really manipulated the sounds of your poem. I loved the "oblong maw". Awesome! I love sonnetts and this piece reminds me why! Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest!
~Laura
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Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
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This is really amazing. The vocabulary makes the poem beautiful. I really enjoyed this. Great job!
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Eat your heart out, sonny
(tee hee hee)
Thanks for dropping by, young man. I honestly thought you would be more likely to comment on my "Templar at the barrow". Stop by often. You'll be welcome. -
This is really beautiful, and a really good mating with the photo, to boot. Darnit, I'm Jealous
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Richard, I have already got a lot out of it by having had the satisfaction of writing a poem, and for having pleased my lovely sister Toots
Sith, mo charaid
Mairi bheag -
Mairi bheag: Good to have you here. I hope you get a lot out of being in the competition. Peace to You. Richard.
Edited on Jun 08, 8:18 because ''. -
Yeah you said "Bravo" Michael. Jings, laddie! How long have I been asking you to say "BravA"? Oh what the hey, you liked it.
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Bravo!
A fine, fine sonnet! You have certainly squeezed the last and final piece of inspiration from this entirely uninspiring photo. Did I say "Bravo?" Forgive me! Bravo! -
Tangle, it's supposed to be metaphorical.
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It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, Sis.
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Dear Mairi,
Looks like someone stole your old Chevy from the garage. You can tell me it is suppose to be Metaphorical if you want - but I can sniff out a Chevy quicker than your can say Mercedies Benz!
Wonderful poem though a bit sad!
Tang -
I am so glad you decided to enter, Mairi! As we said in the fine print - we'll be back later with full comments before the judging starts. Best of luck in the contest! Toots
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Not for one minute, Mairi, do I believe I've left you speechless, your command of language is to vast for that...but I appreciate that I stumped you for a moment anyway... lapoe...
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LAPoe, I can't find words to reply to that. I'll just say thank you.
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You see this is why you're so damn good at what you do..
I looked at this picture and thought, old but still useful,could use some cleaning up, then filling up.. but not you, you saw
straight into the heart of the whole picture.. and brought meaning
to something ordinary.... you floor me, I swear you do...
lapoe...
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Alice - um ... I think you like it, yes?
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Thank you Merc, and I am glad that you have spotted exactly what I was trying to convey
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Melodies - your comments always ripple like a highland stream.
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great would be an understatment
very amazing and eligant piece of work.capturing the moments so well...i love it!there is no other way to describe it.im speachless!i hope to hear more poems like this in the future...only from you of course!definately a winner to me!awesome awesome work!i cant seem to stress that enough lol sorry...amazing job!
-alicenwondrland -
amazing poem
What a haunting and poignant missing piece. Mairi, this poem is simply marvelous, what can I say. This poem doesn't tell but suggests, and is just masterfuly written. And you have ironically managed to turn absence into the presence of this
perfect poem. Best of luck in the contest, because this one's a definite winner in my book.
All the best!
Mercury Rising -
"Gone" is all in how you think of it. Nothing is every really gone because it WAS and the NOW is only a flash forward. Everything, everyone, still IS. It is only on backspace, if it is not at hand. Your poetry holds me, completely, and I love it so.
Adding your comment:
1 - 36 of 36
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